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Tag: marriage

  • I had a baby with my wife’s sister…

    The Question:

    How do I win my ex-wife back after having a baby with her sister?
    Before you judge me I would like to say that yes I was wrong. 4 years ago me and my wife were pregnant with twins, her sister came over to stay in Germany with us for 3 months because my ex-wife wanted her here. When my wife was pregnant she was cranky, tired and resisted sex and didn’t want me near her. She kept pushing me away. When her sister came about 2 weeks into her stay, by mistake we kissed, and when my wife went to work we ended up having sex a lot. We ended it but 4 weeks after we did she was pregnant with my baby too. I regret everything I’ve done because my ex-wife was so good to me. When I told her what happened she left me and returned home to her own country and I never got to meet my children which was very unfair. I waited and thought she would come back but when her nine months were up I knew she wasn’t going to return. With her sister I am seeing the child. My wife is back in Germany at the moment because her sister told me and I’ve also seen her and my twins and they have grown up so well and I can see she has brought them up well but I want to be in their lives. How do I ask her to let me at least say hi and that I’m their dad? is there anyway I could win her back? I really love this woman and we never arranged a divorce? What I did is a complete mistake but she never got a divorce. She cant hate me then if she hated me why not get a divorce?

    My Response:

    Dear Remorseful;

    First of all – You kissed her by mistake? You don’t just accidentally fall and kiss someone and you don’t accidentally have sex with someone, let alone your wife’s sister…. Second… Yes; You made a huge mistake, the ultimate mistake. Not only did you cheat on her, you cheated on her with her sister and not only did you cheat on her with her sister you had a baby with her sister. If this woman took you back, I would say you were the luckiest man in the planet. I agree that although you made your mistakes that you should at least be allowed to see the babies. You need to first sit down with your wife and apologize for all that you have done, let her see that you are truly remorseful for what you have done to her and that although your relationship may never be the same you want to be a good father to your children. She probably hasn’t gotten a divorce for a few reasons, one she can’t afford it or two she just can’t bring herself to do it yet. Just because she left doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you. You cheated on her while she was pregnant with her sister and got her sister pregnant too. I don’t know how she forgave her sister, because you were both wrong in what you did. Communication is all you have here, try and talk to her and at least be in your children’s lives, but don’t expect to get back with your wife. Do this for your children and your love for them. Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My kind of Love – Happy Anniversary

    Happy 33rd Anniversary

    Today is my Parents 33rd Anniversary, it amazes me how so many people today are divorced or separated. Whenever I tell people I have an older brother and a much younger sister they always question if it’s from the same father and mother. I always giggle with a response, YES. At first I found it strange for people to ask that question. Like what kind of question is that, of course it’s from the same parents. But as I grew older and saw so many of my friends parents divorced, I realized that it was becoming more common to have divorced parents then it was to have parents who were still married. How sad is that? I think it’s strong willed and strong love that keeps a couple together. No one is ever perfect and in the end we all argue about things in life and sometimes we get so angry with each other that we don’t want to talk, but in the end if we love each other if we just don’t give up, we can find a way to move past it and get back to where we once were.

    Love is unconditional, Love is what you make of it, Love is Love… No one can take away the love unless you let it. Live Life to the fullest and be honest with each other because in the end you only have each other.

    Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad, may you have many more years of patience, love, and happiness. Love you both!

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • Could this be my husband cheating?


    The Question:

    I had just had my baby girl 3 weeks ago. the day home from the hospital my husbands ipone got a text message, I picked it up it said ” are you ok tonight” I asked him who it was he said he didn’t know and looked and did something with his phone, then put it down and walked away..then it went off again and it said ” No worries I will just call you tomorrow 🙂 “I asked him “what did you say or write back” he said he wrote nothing.. if that were the case why would they have written him back saying no worries they would call him tomorrow..he then said “Fine, I put a question mark.” My gut dropped I just knew it was a women.. lucky I remembered the number case he erased the phone and said it was by accident that it erased, I am guessing he didn’t reallt want me to see what he really had written back. I called the number from his phone, she answered and I asked why she was texting my husband, she got all snotty and said she was looking for Sara; that she had the wrong number.

    Its been bothering me for weeks now and I was trying so hard to believe him and move forward until yesterday, I was in the car and he went into the bank, a text came up on his phone saying: “As the days go by I thought it would be easy for me to keep my mind off you because I’ve been so busy, I was wrong.”

    I started to shake as I reconized the number from 3 weeks ago,
    when he got in the car he said NO WAY someone is playing a joke on me.. I would never cheat on my wife and kids never.. I was crying in tears a mess, I just wanted to go home; he dropped me off at home and got in his car and went somwhere, I had his phone with me..
    then comes back 25min later. 20min after that the texts come back with a diffrent tune saying things like hey sara I will see you tomorrow etc.. almost like he found a way to call her from a payphone and have her re-direct her messages to through me off. I don’t know what to do here, is this cheating? We just relocated here and he works accross the boarder this is where she is calling from so she is not from Canada. We relocated here for work and it’s been a nightmare I just want to leave. I haven’t eaten in days because of the stress.

    Please, I have no one to talk to about this no family or friends…I have 4 kids and dont know what to do please no rude comments I just couldn’t handle them right now…
    I am not an over weight women I am 120lbs 5″6 and have never said no to sex with my husband. I have never turned him away either.
    Please let me know your thoughts and thank you :”(

    p.s He tells me I am so wrong that he has no idea who this is, he has cried and told me he hates that I am feeling like this that he doesn’t want to lose his family and kids over somthing he is being accused of doing that isn’t true. He tells me he just wants me only me and has no time for anyone else.

    I am so upset I don’t know what to think here. I need advice..

    His phone is a work phone ipone 4 so I can’t see his bill and he erases most things off his phone most likely before he gets home. He has never given me a reason to not trust him for the past 10yrs but since he relocated here 5 months before we did and was living in a hotel, while I was 5hrs away with the kids trying to sell the house to move here so we would all be together. This is when all this happened, where he was working before I never ever in a million years questioned him, now I do and I hate it. I hate what this job and move has cost us there is no trust now, and before this I found out he had lunch with a girl that was a temp at his work and she was not working there anymore and he went to lunch with her 2 times, I found her number and freaked she told me he was promising her a job and he would hire her back on full time, they had lunch and talked about plastic surgery not work. He was even texting her and asking her to pick any day and he would make himself available for her even willing to meet her half way so she didn’t have to drive all that way ” for poor little old me” is what his email said, she said nothing happened, but why did he go out of his way to hide this from me? He’s 42 she’s 26 and I’m 31, I feel horrible and now I have this gut rot feeling in my stomach, I hate it. Was his intentions more then just lunch and work?

    My Response:

    Dear Stuck in Lies;

    You have two different situations under his belt…. I know he might deny it again but sit down with him and tell him how you feel, tell him to stop BSing you, that you have seen the texts and emails. He can’t deny it any longer, stick with your gut feeling, usually our gut feelings are pretty right, and I know it completely sucks but you deserve to know the truth. I hope for his sake that he is telling you the truth, but you already saw that he emailed another women and supposedly it was over a job, even if he wanted to try to get her job back, why the lunch? Now you have seen more then once a text from another women. This all sounds a little fishy to me, and I would want to know the truth myself. I normally wouldn’t say to hire a private investigator because I truly believe in trusting your spouse, but the fact that you have seen the texts more then once and also the email with another women I would say if you really don’t know if to trust what he says and you have no physical proof then you can always hire a private investigator to follow him, I don’t know your financial situation or how much a private investigator might cost, but it is definitely an option you may want to think about. Again I normally don’t go that route, I would first say to sit down with your husband and try to get the truth from him, once you talk to him then you will have to decide what your next step is, however you said that he has denied it and even cried to you that he would never cheat on you and the children, so I am not sure how much more you can keep talking to him about the same subject. It is NOT okay if he is cheating on you and I know that it is going to be hard road, especially since you have 4 children together, but you have to think about your children and yourself and how you want this relationships to be. Is it worth pretending he isn’t doing anything and living a lie, or finding the truth and making a decision you may not like? At the end of the day I think you won’t be happy until you know the truth and you know what to do from that moment on. It isn’t going to be an easy road but you are not alone, their are many women that have struggled through similar situations, I know that doesn’t make it any better but I hope you know that this is not okay and you need to be strong. Talk to your husband and then decide what you want to do from there.
    Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Should I tell my fiance this before we get married?

    The Question:

    My policy for abuse is that if he tries to or does hit, push, etc then I’m absolutely done, no second chances, I’m getting the marriage annulled the next day. I have just been through too many shitty, abusive relationships and I don’t want him to be ‘just another asshole with a temper’ (as my mom says it, haha) He hasn’t ever hit me on purpose before. During our worst fight ever we were talking really loudly at each other and he came towards me really quickly with his arms open. I freaked out and blocked with my arms. He was just trying to give me a hug but I’m just SO cautious about that kind of stuff. Should I sit him down and like have a serious conversation about it or just say something when something on the news about spousal abuse comes on?

    My Response:

    Dear No Abuse;

    It doesn’t look to me as if your boyfriend is abusive, you said he has never hit you on purpose before though? Does that mean he has hit you before? Then you said the worst fight you had he was going in for a hug but you got defensive. You definitely have some things you need to get over, I know it’s hard not to take your past into new relationships, but if your fiance is a good guy, and has never hit you then you need to trust that he won’t. I would definitely open up to him about your past and how you feel on the situation/subject. It is important for him to know what you have gone through and why you are sometimes defensive. I am happy that you have gotten out of abusive relationships and have realized that those type of relationships are no good for you. You seem like a strong women, I would definitely talk to your fiance about what you have gone through in the past, explain to him that you just want to make sure your relationship is in a good place that nothing like that would ever happen. Don’t make him feel like he may do that one day, he might get defensive, especially if he has never shown any type of abuse towards you, if he has shown abuse, then you should definitely sit down and talk to him, and you might have a few things to think about before getting married. Never take abuse from anyone, the person you are with needs to love and respect you. There is nothing wrong with telling your fiance what you have gone through, and this may make your relationship stronger, it is always good to share with your partner the struggles you have had to overcome in life. Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Should I cheat on my wife if she cheated?

    The Question:

    Should I cheat on my wife if she cheated?

    My Response:

    Dear Two Wrongs;

    Two wrongs don’t make a Right. If your wife cheated on you then there are other options you need weigh in. First have you talked about it? Communication is key to any relationship, and this is not something that should be ignored. Two if you have talked about it and you have decided to forgive her then cheating on her is not a way of forgiving, nor will it make things any better. If you feel you can’t forgive her or trust her again then the only option I can think of is Divorce. Find yourself a divorce attorney and get out of a marriage you aren’t happy in. You deserve a wife that won’t cheat on you, and you need to either fix the marriage or get out.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My husband cheated several times and I keep taking him back!!?

    The Question:

    I found out he said he wanted to leave me for her and did, he said it was because I was neglecting him. I travel around a lot for work plus my family never really approved of him so it put a strain on our marriage. After a month he came crawling back,begged for my forgiveness, I took him back. Then I went away for 2 weeks to visit my mother and when I returned I found out that he again cheated ion me with the same girl. Said it was an accident and that it was for sure over this time. I forgave him because of my previous guilt of how I use to leave him for my work all the time
    ( I support the both of us and give him everything he wants) Then months later I read some of his old emails and find out he cheated with several different women. But this time there’s no excuse cause it was just a year into our marriage when he did it and at the time I wasn’t traveling. Is his love BS? Am I being stupid? I no longer work at the same place and my husband now currently supports us, great change after 5 years. Is he really trying to change?

    My Response:

    Dear Waiting for Change;

    I am not saying that someone can never change, but the past has proven otherwise. He has cheated on you more then once, he left you for the ‘other women’ and the first mistake you did was taking him back. You used the excuse of your traveling for work has an okay for him to do what he did to you. Truth is, it wasn’t okay, it doesn’t matter that you traveled, a marriage is through better and worse and if he did not like that you were traveling he should have been honest about it, that is definitely not an excuse to cheat. Now you find out he actually cheated on you before you started traveling for work and with several women, so now do you have an excuse has to why or why it’s okay? Open your eyes, and stop being pushed around, you deserve a man who is honest with you, who will love you and be faithful. No person deserves to be cheated on, if he wants to sleep around then he should have stayed single. Don’t settle for comfort or the fact that now he is supporting you, if you want a real marriage and real relationship without lies I think it’s time you move on. You deserve better, and you need to stand up for yourself and respect yourself to know that what he has done IS NOT RIGHT! Stop waiting for him to change and change your own life.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • I need a break from Marriage…

    The Question:

    I used to have no problems with my married life. Now I find myself often wanting to be alone… I got married young-ish (25), I am still in love 8 years later, I am just tired of sharing my space 24/7… What can I do?

    My Response:

    Dear Need Space;

    If you are still in love with your wife then this is good. You just need your space, which sometimes is understandable. Take time for yourself, whether it is a hot bath, reading a book or grabbing a glass of wine (yes guys do this too) and if you need more space then that, maybe join a gym and take time off by working out. Go out with a friend to a coffee shop, or a bar to watch the latest sports game. The point is, take some time for you and spend it either by yourself or with some friends. A marriage takes a lot of work but it does not mean that you can’t take a day for yourself. Take a day out of the week or out of the month to do YOU!

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My Best Friend might Cheat on her Husband…

    The Question:

    Do you think my married best friend is playing with fire? I’m fuming inside knowing this… My best friend has a wonderful, caring, good-looking husband and children. They seem to have everything going for them. There’s this married man we both know who’s high profile in the community. I’m a single mom btw. Anyway, he became friendly with me and we had a so-called emotional affair for a few years; I guess I was desperate and vulnerable and I regret it all. Now I’m sure he’s after my best friend because he went over for lunch at her place yesterday and the hubby wasn’t there; this is confirmed. He now invited them to his place, at the same time as me and my child (while the wife is gone of course). What should I do? Ignore him and my “best friend”? I can’t believe this is happening.
    — He obviously uses the kids to get through to the mom. He has 2 failed marriages under his belt and is a player, no doubt about that one.

    My Response:

    Dear Friend;

    It really is not your business and your friend is a grown woman so she can do has she pleases. I would stay out of it and just do your own thing. Getting involved might just cause drama you don’t really need in your life. If you feel you can’t stay quiet then confront your friend and talk to her, but after that it is her decision whether or not she pursues anything with this man. After this, just leave it alone and try not to get involved in something that really has nothing to do with you.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Would you be upset if your Husband…

    The Question:

    I had my nephews 10th birthday tonight and we had dinner at La Porchetta, with the family… so my husband and I and our 2 kids were invited. My husband didn’t come, and blew me off; went out with his mates to a poker game! He has NEVER done this! He ALWAYS comes to family dinners etc especially if he is not working and is home etc..
    I was more ANGRY but now I am just upset 🙁
    My kids are 3 1/2 and 6 months. My husband does work hard and has different shifts at work so there is issues about how much we see each other and family time etc… he goes away for work stays over nights etc and then comes back the next day or after; so my question is would you be upset if your husband did this? or am I overreacting???
    He didn’t forget about the birthday either; I told him and he was home when I left!! He just wanted to go play cards with his mates instead…

    My Response:

    Dear Upset;

    I would sit down with your husband and communicate to him how you feel. This was a family event; and even though it is not his kid and it is your side of the family, you are married, and these kind of events are the kind that you know you have to go to. He could go any other night to play poker with his friends. I would definitely have a talk with him and tell him how you feel. You have young children and maybe he is feeling overwhelmed and needed a break, but this is no excuse! Talk to him, and find out what is really going on…

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • No anniversary sex?…

    The Question:

    No anniversary sex. Was I wrong to expect a little action from my wife?
    Yesterday was me and my wife’s 1st anniversary. We went to church as usual. I’m a Sunday school teacher so I left before her. After church I go by the store to get the last few thing so I could cook her dinner. Money is tight because I am unemployed so I couldn’t afford to take her out or anything like that. I ended up going to two stores. By the time I got home she was there sitting in the bedroom watching TV or reading a book or something. I spend several hours prepping and cooking dinner. The whole time I may have sat down for about 10 minutes. When it was ready I fixed her plate as well as the kids. We sit down to eat and just being off my feet for that short time when I stood back up my feet were killing me but I kept going. I asked my wife if she wouldn’t mind cleaning up the kitchen and she basically said no because I use too many dishes when I cook. I spent several hours cooking dinner then it took me all of 15 minutes to load the dishwasher and clean the kitchen. Nobody said she had to wash them by hand. All the while my wife has left the bedroom maybe 3 times. She was still relaxing on the bed. After I got the kids in bed and go back to the bedroom me and my wife watch a little more TV then the next thing I know is that she’s hugging her pillow snoring. Let me clear this up. Our kids are teenagers and I just made sure they had their clothes ironed for school the next day and that they turned off everything in the other part of the house. I turn off the TV and that sort of startled her and she wakes up. We’re laying there in the dark and I’m waiting to see if my wife was gonna make any kind of move. She doesn’t. I mean, it was our anniversary and she literally had done nothing all day. What was she tired for? What she tells me is, “why don’t you go on to sleep!”. I then get up and as I’m walking out she asks me what the matter is and I tell her that if she hasn’t figured if out by now then never mind.

    Did she expect me to make the first move? I thought women likes if when a man took on more duties and chores and that gets a woman in the mood? I did all that work and she pretty much rested bur once the kids were in the bed she was too tired. You hear it all the time. A man with a vacuum is a turn on. I guess the problem is this. I typically do most of the cooking anyway so maybe that was really nothing special to her that I cooked yesterday.

    Was I wrong to expect some action on our 1st year anniversary? And ladies, don’t come at me like “well maybe she wanted you to just wait on her this time!”. I do the majority of the cooking in the house anyway.

    Was I wrong to expect sex or at least a little action from my wife?

    My Response:

    Dear House Hubby;

    Let’s start off with the fact that it is your one year anniversary but you have teenage kids? Technically it may be your one year anniversary but I am assuming that you have been together for much longer than a year since you have teenage kids together. With that said, an anniversary is an anniversary, and although you do not have a job at the moment and normally cook, she needs to appreciate the fact that you do a lot around the house and for the kids. You need to sit down with your wife and tell her how you feel. Communication is key and if you do not talk to each other then nothing is going to change. She may think it is okay for you to do everything since you are not working at the moment, but the fact that you cooked, she should have helped clean up and do the dishes. Especially since it was your anniversary and all. I know it isn’t right and I think that your wife should have maybe set something up in the bedroom while you were out there being the ‘house wife’; but you also could have just tried spicing it up in the bedroom; especially after you saw she was not about to do anything. Again, I really think this should have been her move, since she didn’t do anything else the entire night, so I can understand how you are feeling. Talk to your wife, just because you are unemployed at the current moment does not mean she doesn’t have to help you around the house. On another note: Your kids are teenagers, they need to start helping you around the house. You could have had your kids clean up the kitchen so that mom and dad can enjoy their anniversary time together. Find a way to find a balance in your life and in your relationship.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com