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Tag: marriage

  • My husband hurts me when he rejects me

    The Question:

    How do i tell my husband he hurts me when he rejects me?
    I’m 37 weeks pregnant and I know that sex at this point wont hurt the baby, only possibly encourage labor. The doctor has given the go-ahead and even recommended it. Four months ago my husband says that sex with me “isn’t the same”, which makes me feel so unappealing and fat that I cry almost constantly. It’s been so long and I know I have to wait at least 6 weeks after the delivery to have sex. It hurts me to think that the one man who should always be attracted to me just isn’t. I don’t know how to talk to him about these things because I don’t want to hurt him. He has always tried so hard to make me happy. I know he masturbates almost everyday and I also know he’s not thinking about me when he does, how do I confront him about this? I really need help!

    My Response:

    Dear Feeling Rejected;

    I know it’s hard but maybe your husband is just feeling a little awkward about having sex with you when you are almost ready to give birth, and even before that, it’s strange for some men to enjoy sex when they know their child is inside the mother. Some men do not know how to handle it or go about it and so it may feel like he is not attracted to you but maybe he just does not know how to proceed with the current “situation”. Talk to your husband and tell him how you feel, and tell him that you want to have SEX! Don’t be ashamed, you are not fat, you are pregnant, and once that baby comes you can get back into shape and be your self again. Don’t worry about hurting his feelings, you are the one pregnant with your emotions everywhere, if anything maybe he is scared to hurt your feelings, so tell him how you feel and remember don’t ever be ashamed to talk to your husband, I am sure he loves you very much.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My hubby has self-esteem issues…

    The Question:

    My hubby has self-esteem issues………what can I do!??!?
    Me & my hubby have been married since 07/2005……he has gained some weight recently & I have noticed that he wears his shirt 2 bed…….wont go shirtless & won’t take the shirt off during sex. He is constantly telling me he is “fat” & if he grosses me out!! Uuhh of course not!! In the contrary I still get turned on!! I’m constantly telling him how hot he is & hot much he turns me on but it doesn’t seem 2 work……..(sigh) what else can I do?? Eeeekkk I don’t want him 2 B feeling this way…

    My Response:

    Dear Wifey;

    I tell couples all the time, communicate, communicate and Communicate. Sit down with your husband and tell him that you have noticed that he has been feeling a bit cautious about the way he looks. Tell him again how much you still find him attractive and if he’s feeling insecure with his weight then try working out with him and try cooking healthier, try making him feel better about himself and just support him. Tell him what you said in your post…. Tell him how attractive he is to you and how you do not want him feeling this way, tell him how much you love him. A little encouragement goes a long way.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My Mom is cheating on my Dad.

    The Question:

    I am in my 20’s and my parents have been married for over 30 years. We recently found out that my Mom has been seeing her high school sweetheart. We were all in shock and are trying to work through this. I invite my Dad over my house twice a week and make sure I talk to him everyday b/c he is very depressed. My Mom keeps seeing this guy and will not stop. The guy is a loser and even her parents said this guy is trouble. She is not the same person I knew my whole life. I have not talked to her since Christmas because she makes me so mad. But I need help in helping my Dad. I want to make sure that he lives a happy life and make sure that he knows everything will be ok no matter what. Does anyone have any advice on what to do in this situation? I know he just wants his wife back. Please help. Thanks!

    My Response:

    Dear Stuck in the Middle;

    I know it must be hard and you are stuck in a hard situation, the truth is all you can do is keep inviting your dad over, calling him everyday and being there for him. Give him encouraging words and although it’s your mom, he deserves to know that he deserves better than what she is doing to him. I would say to stay out of it, your father is a grown man and he needs to confront your mom and talk to her about what is going on, leave her if that is what he must do. It is never easy especially after being with someone for so many years, but he deserves more from her. If you absolutely feel you have to get involved than sit down with your mom, find out what is going on in her mind that she would do such a thing, maybe this is a mid-life crisis thing or maybe she just wasn’t happy in the marriage (it might be hard to hear but be prepared to find out that perhaps your parents weren’t always happy together). Our parents always try to make it look like everything is okay (for our sake) but things can be going wrong deep down under the surface we never knew about. Talk to your dad too and tell him that you are there for him, tell him that he needs to stand up for himself and he needs to either get his wife back or move on because he deserves only the best.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Should I tell him that I suspect he is still cheating?

    The Question:

    I am 58 and my husband 45 we have been married 23 years have a daughter who is 21, last year of University. I found out 5 years ago that he was cheating with someone at work. At the time we were not getting on, don’t know if it was because of her existence, but he was always angry with me and very critical of everything I did. We stayed together, me because at my age I didn’t want to go looking for anyone new and was scared to be on my own. Besides, I had to think of my daughter who was studying and needed both our support. Him? I am not quite sure whether it was because of the money, as he would have had to lose half or maybe more of everything or whether because he felt bad abandoning us. He kept saying that it wasn’t because of the other woman but he wanted to be free. For the past 2 years I couldn’t have wished for a better husband. His attitude to me has changed. We hardly argue and spend lots of time together. Although I don’t tell him I love him, he tries to tell me in a jokey way, but I must confess I don’t completely trust him and am wary of his motives. Last night I asked to borrow his pen and was surprised that it was the kind of pen a woman would choose, it had Treasure written on it. I asked him where he got it from and he said he had bought it for himself. I know that this isn’t the kind of thing he would buy and he is so mean with money, he would never buy his own pen when there are lots of pens around the house he could take. I don’t know if I should spoil our present harmony by telling him that I suspect some woman has bought it for him. I know I am being childish, but can a person really change so much and what would make him change so?

    My Response:

    Dear Stayed;

    I know it must be hard to move on from a marriage after such a long time and especially when we get older we feel like it’s harder to move on and find someone else so we settle to be in a relationship were there is no longer love, where we truly aren’t happy and for what? For comfort for security and for the children, but at the end of the day, the children move on and gain their own lives and then you are stuck in a relationship that isn’t even there anymore. Don’t be afraid to talk to your husband, you probably did not really talk about it the first time around, and if you suspect him of cheating on you again, you deserve to know the truth. Whether you stay with him or not is going to be your decision. However, since you stayed with him to begin with after finding out he cheated on you, and you know you will continue to stay with him again if he’s cheating on you again, then what is the point in finding out if he is or isn’t with another women? Communication is key in any relationship and I am getting the feeling that the two of you haven’t communicated in a long time. Be open with your husband if you want things to work, if you still truly love him then find a way to make it work. I haven’t been in your situation but I am the type of person that no matter how hard it may be, I think I would have left, because self respect is more important to me than comfort and security. Being Afraid to move forward is a fear that takes over us, a fear that ends up controlling our lives, but at the end of the day you are the only one that can control that fear and stand up for yourself and say “Enough is Enough”. If you don’t really want to know the answer (behind the pen) then try to move on and forget about it, if you feel you can’t and you really need to know then sit down with your husband and be honest with how you feel.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • What to do to fix my relationship?

    The Question:

    What to do to fix my relationship?
    About 4 days ago I said somethings I didn’t mean to say to the girl I love and I really hurt her and now she is saying she needs time to figure things out. I feel horrible about what Ive done and Ive done all I can to try and show her I care, before all this happen we were trying to have a child and making plans on moving in and marriage one day; now she acts like I never mattered and it kills me. Anyone have any ideas on what I should do or say to try to make things better?? I just don’t get how it went from so good to so bad with us…

    My Response:

    Dear boyfriend;

    It can be many things, I only know this one piece of the story, but look back into your relationship (as the whole) and was it really good (not perfect, because no relationship is perfect) but was it good? If it was and you really didn’t have any problems before this then maybe she’s just being a little over emotional, give her time, keep showing her how sorry you are and tell her you love her. If you guys have had a few problems (big) in the past perhaps this was the last straw and she’s using it as a way to get out. Sometimes we try to pick fights or we get mad over small things because we really aren’t happy in our relationships. I say sit down and talk to her, find out what is really going on and apologize for what you said. If she still is blocking you out, give her time and then try talking to her again.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Is it normal for a cheating man to do this?

    The Question:

    Is it true that if a married man keeps going back to the same woman, even when he has had other affairs, it is because he has feelings for her?

    I recently found out that my husband has cheated on me multiple times, more often with one specific woman.
    Additional Details
    I caught him looking at a picture of her face the other day, but he doesn’t know that I know. Does this mean that he’s not over her? According to what I’ve read, they broke up a while ago.

    My Response:

    Dear Denial;

    Are you really asking “does this mean that he’s not over her”? You caught your husband cheating on you, and you found out he cheated on you more than once and specifically with this women. He’s looking at her picture, and they supposedly broke up recently… They probably broke up because she wants him to leave you and for whatever reason it is that men choose to stay with their wives he probably told her he wouldn’t leave you. But why would you want to stay in a marriage full of lies and with a man that is cheating on you? Respect yourself, love yourself and know you deserve better than this. If your husband really loved you, he wouldn’t cheat. I don’t care what the movies tell us, or what men say, if you cheated on me, then you really don’t love me. Don’t tell me it’s just sex either, because he could be having sex with you instead of her. Confront your husband and don’t keep this secret inside of you, it will only cause resentment and anger. I know it isn’t easy to find out your husband cheated on you, but you need to move on, find someone who won’t cheat on you and love you enough to be honest with you.
    Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My husband and I want a child & a career…

    The Question:

    My husband and I want a child and a career, is it possible? We do not see a “perfect” time to have one due to age, finances, careers, ect. pls help! I am 31 and my husband is 37. I have 3 yrs to complete my nursing degree. He HATES his job, and will take the opportunity once I finish to change careers. Our money is extremely tight. My husband does not want to have children past the age of 40, and he already has a 5 yr old daughter. I wanted to be a stay at home mom when I had a child, but due to my husbands strong desire to change careers, I don’t believe that is possible. So, I will have to have a baby during nursing school or not have one at all. That sounds terribly stressful, however is it REALLY worth giving up my desire to raise a child with my amazing husband? I need some advice from people with children and those who chose not to have them. How did your decision affect you later in life? Thank you in advance for your help!

    ~Confused and frustrated~

    My Response:

    Dear Confused and frustrated;

    I don’t have children but I can tell you that all my friends who have them don’t regret not one moment about it. I can understand where you are coming from though, I am finishing up my Bachelors degree and I couldn’t imagine working full time, finishing school and having a baby right now, however, with that said, if your dream is to have children, then go for it. It might not be the way you always dreamed, but if your husband also wants to have a child with you then go for it. No one said life was easy, especially when you add children to the mix, but I have heard only good feelings come with it. Don’t put your career on hold or make your husband put his on hold, if you guys want to have a family and a career then go for it. You also need to sit down and talk to your husband, I understand he wants to have a child before he’s 40 but he needs to understand that you aren’t the same age and although he’s almost there, you aren’t. A few more years won’t make a difference, if you finish your education at age 34 and he changes his career then he can wait another year or two while he focuses on his career and then you can have a baby, he’ll only be a year or two older. Again I don’t know your entire situation, but if he’s not happy with his job now, I don’t see why he has to wait until you finish your nursing degree to change it. Unless you aren’t working and he wants to start his own business then I can understand this, but in the meantime he should think about just changing jobs/careers. He doesn’t have to quit his job right away, start looking for a new one, then leave once you have one lined up. Communication is key, talk to your husband and weigh all your options. If you really want a family together, I’m sure you can figure it out. Good Luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

    Confused and frustrated

  • Would you leave if he still didn’t want to get married after 6 years together?

    The Question:

    Would you leave if he still didn’t want to get married after 6 years together? My partner and I have been together for 6 years. Prior to starting our relationship we were good friends for 5 years. We currently have three children together.

    He has given me mixed messages about marriage since I was pregnant with our first child. At times he would say that he did want to get married but most of the time he would get angry any time the word marriage was mentioned and use a range of excuses.

    Lately I have demanded that he give me a straight answer and he has told me that he doesn’t want to get married to me because our relationship has been terrible for the entire 6 years. Should I leave? Does it seem so stupid to be with someone that thinks that?

    My Response:

    Dear 6 years;

    The question isn’t really should you stay or leave because it’s been 6 years, but the fact that he told you straight out that he doesn’t want to get married and that your relationship has been bad for the last 6 years seems like a clear sign that this guy is never going to fully commit. Don’t sell yourself short, if what you want is marriage, don’t stick around hoping that he changes his mind. More than likely if he says he doesn’t want to get married, then he doesn’t. You already have 3 children together and perhaps the first sign was when you were pregnant with your first (in which he didn’t want to get married). You are now stuck with him for the rest of your life, whether you like it or not, but do you want to be in a relationship that isn’t filled with love, and is only filled with (whatever it is he’s holding inside of him)? You deserve someone who loves you to the fullest and someone who will want the same things you want in life. If this guy after 6 years doesn’t want what you want, and is being honest about not wanting those things, then you have a decision to make. Either stay with him, and be unhappy that you are never going where you want to go with this guy, or get up and move on. It isn’t going to be easy but you have to do what is right for you and your children.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My wife laughs at me because I am fat…

    The Question:

    I get very emotional, I am 5’6 285lbs and when we are around friends my wife makes jokes. I do eat a lot but her making fun of me does not help. She actually made me cry and I don’t cry…What should I do?

    My Response:

    Dear Emotional;

    Sit down and talk to your wife, communication is key. If you don’t tell her how you feel, she may never realize that when making jokes about your weight in front of other people really bothers you. If you are unhappy about your weight then join a gym membership or jog around your neighborhood for some cardio exercise. Don’t ever let another person put you down about your weight, not even your wife, if you don’t like it, stick up for yourself and do something about Realizing that you are eating a lot is a good start, start eating healthier snacks and make a change.

    xo
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Is my husband ashamed of me?

    The Question:

    Is my husband ashamed of me? I love my husband very much and we have been together 3 years now. I have put on 10 lbs since we have been together I feel so fat. I used to weigh 110 lbs now I weigh 120 at 5’9 I feel like a cow and he never takes me out anymore. He also doesn’t answer my phone calls or texts anymore when he’s away. I want to lose the weight so badly to make him happy, I would do anything even starve myself. What can I do to make him love me again?

    My Response:

    Dear 10 pounds;

    If your husband is not giving you the attention you need I don’t think it is just because you gained 10 pounds, and if he is ignoring you and not taking you out because of it, then that is not true love. You need to be happy with yourself, don’t ever starve yourself or “do anything” just because the person you love is not there for you. Loose the weight if you want, but do it for you (to make yourself feel better). I can’t imagine that you are “fat” if you are 5’9 at 120lbs. I think the problem here goes deeper than just a few pounds gained, sit down and talk to your husband and get down to the core of what is really going on with him. If he’s that superficial and it really is that you gained 10 pounds then you need to work on that with each other. Start eating better and go to the gym, but this shouldn’t be a reason for the way he is acting with you. Again COMMUNICATION is KEY! Talk to your husband and tell him how you have been feeling, if he wants to work on your marriage he will, and if he doesn’t, then there might be some hard decisions you may have to make. LOVE YOURSELF first, and no matter what any man says or does, remember you are perfect the way you are, don’t ever put yourself down just because a man is acting like a dumb a@# and don’t ever starve yourself to loose the weight, just eat right and exercise, it’s only 10 pounds.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answres.Yahoo.com