Just another WordPress site

Tag: marriage

  • I left my husband today…

    The Question:

    I feel weird… its been a long time coming. My husband wants to live in Australia and he does already. I want to stay in England with our son. I also don’t like the way he treats me so I called it quits. Anyway it went surprisingly well. He was fine with it, and said that he would come visit my son when he can. He was so nice to me and he’s never that nice. Its made me feel really guilty. I’m not going to change my mind on t love me to bits. I’m not going to change my mind on this although I love him to bits. I just don’t want to live in Australia and he wont live in England. Why was he so nice and how do I get past this upset weird guilty stage?

    Before anyone judges me it was the best thing to do for my son as my husband was violent at times…

    My Response:

    Dear England;

    I’m going to skip right to the part you said “your husband was violent at times”. If this was the case, then it’s more than just not wanting to move to Australia with your husband. If your husband was abusive then it is better to have gotten out of the marriage now rather than later. If you are choosing not to move just because you don’t want to leave home (England) sometimes we have to make sacrifices to keep our family together. Again if he was violent with you, then there is no reason for you to feel guilty for staying in England. You have to do what is right for you and your son, and it is better to leave an abusive relationship than to stay in one. You say that you still “love him to bits”, if your husband is abusing you it isn’t right, and you shouldn’t love anyone who can hurt you that way. What you are doing is better than being in an abusive relationship. If your husband is being nice, he may just be trying to get you to forgive him and move to Australia with him. Stick with what you believe, and if he is violent, I wouldn’t allow him to have visitation rights with your son alone, make sure you are always there with him.

    Good luck

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My husbands abusive & I have a 4 mo. old baby…

    The Question:

    Help please Marriage problems……?

    So to start it off I am almost 20 and my hubby is 31 and I have a 4 month old baby and we have been married for 13 months. Our marriage is on the rocks we don’t have good communication we are always arguing everyday, I am not happy in this marriage my husband is CRAZY and when I say crazy I mean it; he is the most abusive person I have met. If I say anything he wont like he will go OFF and throw anything in front of him! He hits me in public, like just today he bashed me in the car while he was holding my baby girl and all I said was that my girl will choose what she wants to be when she grows up and I know it wont be something bad and he’s like no she will be a religious person she will be a religious lecturer and she wont choose I will! I am so fed up I hate his narrow minded thinking…..he tells me he loves me but does all this =/ I am sooooooooo belittled he says I am fat and to loose weight so that we can have sex! We haven’t done it for 10 months but sex is not the issue its his anger and narrow minded thinking I am soooo emotionally wrecked I feel like killing myself but then think of my baby girl and I cant leave this world and leave her with him! He wants this perfect wife who is slim beautiful and bows down to him who listens to everything he says and doesn’t say a word, he’s just kidding himself!!

    He’s changed my personality, my thinking, my mental state, and I have ZERO self esteem and no confidence and my family hates me and him they haven’t seen me in 3 yrs and I haven’t talked to anyone in my family for 2 years. I am going to go mental I don’t know what to do….

    Additional Details
    I am still trying to make this marriage work because I don’t want my baby girl to grow up without her dad. I didn’t have my dad half of my life and it sucked! Please help….

    My Response:

    Dear too young;

    You need to take a breather, and relax for a moment, what you are going through is something no person should have to withstand. Stop and think about not only yourself but the life of your daughter. You don’t want your daughter growing up with out her father, but do you think it’s okay for her to grow up with a father who abuses her mom and most likely will abuse her one day too? I know it wasn’t easy for you growing up without a father, but it’s better than growing up with one that is abusive. You need to have respect for yourself, don’t let him put you down and don’t let him abuse you any longer. Have the courage to pick up the phone and talk to your family, I am sure if you talk to them and let them know what is going on they will help you. If they don’t want to help (which I don’t see why they wouldn’t), then you need to be stronger than you will ever have to be for your baby. Get out of that marriage and save yourself and your child from more hurt and pain. It is never OKAY for a man to put his hands on a women and belittle her in front of others. You are still very young and you have your whole life ahead of you, take action and get out now.

    There are support groups for abused women and if you feel that you aren’t safe leaving, call the police, get the help you need to get out of that abusive relationship and save yourself and your daughters life.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • How do you keep the romance going when you have children in the house?

    The Question:

    How do you keep the romance going when you have children in the house? I would love to keep the romance going in my marriage, but it is a little more challenging since we’ve had a little girl (almost a year old). He’s away on business quite often as well, which makes it even more challenging… any ideas?

    My Response:

    Dear Romance;

    I know it’s hard because you are probably very tired since you are dealing with a one year old all day. However, just because you have a child in your house doesn’t mean the romance needs to stop. When your husband comes home from a business trip surprise him with dinner, put the baby down to sleep early and light some candles in your room and (well I don’t think I need to elaborate the rest) 😉

    If its a normal day, just make sure the baby is sleeping in her own room (I am not sure if the baby sleeps in your room with you guys, but if she does then that needs to stop.) A baby in the bed is what causes most marriages to have problems, sex is very important and you can’t let that flame die down. Spice it up, maybe get a babysitter and go out for the evening together, get a hotel for a few hours (if you can afford it), if you can’t, maybe act like a couple of teenagers and do some fun stuff in the car. When there is a will there is a way.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My wife cheated on me years ago, now she’s emailing old Bf’s…

    The Question:

    My wife cheated on me years ago, then I caught her emailing old boyfriends recently…It has been a rough 20 years of marriage. Her family is a bunch of crazy lunatics that have caused so
    much chaos in our lives and also caused it to her brothers family. I know her family bad mouths me to her all the time.My question is: by their constant badgering of her did they cause her to forget her vows and if she has done this so many times and her family is so negative about me then why is she still staying here?

    My Response:

    Dear Blame;

    Stop blaming your wife’s family, your wife’s crazy family has nothing to do with her actions. Your wife chose to cheat on you and she is now choosing to write emails to her ex boyfriends. I can understand that dealing with a crazy family isn’t easy and it doesn’t help the situation if they are bad mouthing you to her all the time, but she has been with you for 20 years for a reason, and if her family hasn’t broken you up by now, it is more than likely that isn’t the reason your marriage might be having problems now. Stop looking at her family and focus on your relationship with your wife. Sit down and talk to her, find out what is going on and why she is emailing her ex boyfriends. Truth be told, after she cheated on you years ago, that should have been a huge sign to get out. Someone who doesn’t respect the person they love isn’t worth staying with. With that said, you stuck it out and you have made it this far, if you really want to save your marriage find out what is going on with your wife, if you feel she may be cheating on you again, then you need to find out the truth and you need to make a choice on what to do here. Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My bf wants to get married but I don’t…

    The Question:

    Dear kristin nicole;

    I am going through a huge dilemma in my life right now. I am 23 years old ( Indian girl ). I have been in a relationship with this guy for 4 years. ( it’s long distance) for the first 2 years everything was fine, for the last 2 years, we have been facing problems. He is very possessive and insecure,he gets mad at me and it’s very bad, he loves making a big deal out of nothing and when I talk to my friends about it, they get so surprised about the fact that someone can be as insecure/jealous and as possessive as him. I get so scared every single time when he calls me. Every time I he calls I feel like it’s to have another fight with me.

    The only reason why I’m with him right now is that he blames me for not doing anything in his life for the past 2 years, and I feel obligated to stay with him. He stopped working when we were having problems, and now he has to start everything from scratch. He blames me for that and because of me he is not as successful as he is suppose to be ( he is 28). While on the other hand, I didn’t let these fights affect my career, so I didn’t waste any time.

    He is not as out going as I am, he is not as talkative/social as I am, he doesn’t have as many friends as I do, so he expects me to be like him; not go to any b’day parties..or clubbing…or hang out with any of my guy friends…

    My question is: is it right to blame myself that he didn’t do anything over 2 years? I never asked him to just stop his life!! In those 2 years, we didn’t talk at all for 6 months, so technically I wasn’t a part of his life for 6 months, he still didn’t do anything over those 6 months, and now he tells me that just because I hurt him so much with my arguing he cant focus on anything else, he only accepts things which he likes and doesn’t want to listen to my suggestions/opinions/likes/dislikes…

    Am I going to ruin my life by staying with him? He wants me to talk to my parents about marriage, but I really don’t feel like getting married. I am not excited at all about anything in this relationship, and I don’t even know how our future is gonna look like.

    On the other hand one of my best friends told me he likes me, he has supported me in every single step of my life, I respect him a lot. He makes me smile, he doesn’t expect anything in return, he knows about my complicated relationship with my boyfriend and I think I like this friend of mine. He is one of the most decent/caring guys out there and he has everything I ever wanted in a guy. What should I do?

    My feelings for my boyfriend died a year ago…. 🙁 but now he insists that I talk to my parents about marriage.
    Please help me!!

    ~from: a girl in dilemma~

    My Response:

    Dear a girl in dilemma;

    Let’s start with you staying with this man just because he chose to not work for 2 years. How in any way is this your fault? If he is blaming you it’s because he doesn’t want to blame himself for his life going down the drain. In no way is it your fault that he hasn’t worked, that doesn’t even make sense. We all make choices in life and he chose not to work and to not find another job. He is 28 years old not 18, he’s a grown man and it’s time for him to grow up and take responsibility of his own life. It is obvious to me (and you stated it: “my feelings for my boyfriend died a year ago”) then there really is no question here as to leave him or not. I think you already made the choice a long time ago, now you have to stand up and tell him how you feel. He may not let you go easily but you need to be strong, this is your life, and life is too short to keep wasting it with someone that you don’t love. You don’t live together and you have nothing together so it should be fairly easy to end things. Again he may not let you go that easily, if you aren’t getting along and he’s still proposing marriage then he obviously is in denial over your relationship. DEFINITELY, and I mean Definitely do NOT get married to this guy, you said it yourself “I really don’t feel like getting married”; you know the answer to ending this relationship, now all you can do is actually end it. Your boyfriend cannot force you to marry him, end things now, don’t waste anymore time being with someone you already know you don’t want to be with.

    As for your good friend, you can be having feelings for him just because he’s there for you and it’s comforting to have a man understand what you are going through since the relationship you are in is not healthy. I am not saying that these feelings aren’t real, but just take it slow. First deal with the relationship you are in right now, then take time for yourself to evaluate what you want in life. Take it slow with your friend and see if you really want to be in a relationship with him or if you want to just continue staying friends. If you see that you both really like each other then go for it, give it a try, but remember sometimes relationships can ruin friendships if it doesn’t work out, so just make sure this is what you really want before going into it.

    Remember you are the only one that can change your life, you are the only one that can move on from the relationship you are in and start living it with someone you actually love.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • My husband hit me but I want him back…

    The Question:

    Me and my husband of 6 weeks got into a big fight and he put his hands on me.I went to the cops and he’s in jail. I want to drop the charges on him; I love him and we’ve been together for 6 years what should I do? Am I stupid to want him back?

    My Response:

    Dear Abused;

    You aren’t stupid, it’s natural to want someone back that you love, and sometimes we try to find excuses for the people that hurt us. Unfortunately it starts with putting his hands on you once and asking for forgiveness, stating he would never touch you again, then it goes into him hitting you again and making you feel like it’s your fault. It’s never a persons fault for getting hit, because no one ever deserves that kind of abuse. You did the right thing by calling the cops and I know it’s hard because you just got married, but you have been with him for 6 years, has he never once in that time placed a hand on you? Some men don’t become abusive until after they get married, because they feel it’s harder for the women to leave them. It’s ultimately your choice here on whether to drop the charges or not, personally, I think any man who hits a women deserves to be in jail and more. If he’s never done this before, offer marriage counseling, and anger management classes and go from there, but if this is something that has happened in the past, and you keep coming up with excuses for him and saying you love him and feeling bad for putting him in jail then STOP! You are worth so much more than that, you deserve someone who will love you so much they would NEVER lay a hand on you. Respect yourself enough to not get treated that way.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My husband cheated…

    The Question:

    My husband cheated .. should I see it as a free pass?

    My Response:

    Dear Free Pass;

    If this is a question you have to ask “is it a free pass”, then more than likely you are looking for that free pass to get out. It’s not so much of a free pass, but self respect, someone shouldn’t stay with someone who is cheating on them. If you have been looking for a way out, then definitely take this as your “free pass” to get out. Don’t use it as the only excuse though, if you were looking for a free pass, there was obviously something there that you already wanted out on.

    If you are talking about having a free pass to cheat, then no I don’t think it’s a free pass. Two wrongs don’t make a right, and if you are only going to be cheating on each other then there is no true relationship there, you might as well just get out now, and be with whoever you want to be with. There is no such thing as a “free pass”.

    Good luck.

    xo
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Is there hope after love?


    The Question:

    “I don’t love you any more” I will never forget the day my wife told me those words…we have only been married for less than a year and been together for two years before that but it still felt like my my whole life was falling apart…people tell me I’m lucky we had no kids or that it happened now instead of 20 years down the road but that doesn’t seem to take away from the fact that I love her more than any thing…to be told your not loved by the person you built your world around will knock you down and I’m finding it very hard to get back up. I’ve moved away and I’m starting a new job but my hart seems to be stuck in the past, I still love her even thought I know there is no real hope of us ever being together again. I’ve started drinking which I never do but it seems to be the only thing that takes away some of the pain if only for a few hours; anyway this is not really a question its just me asking for others story of hope and recovery from losing love. Please tell me how you got over your loss of love and that’s its going to get better…right????

    My Response:

    Dear Lost Love;

    Being told by the person you think you’re going to spend the rest of your life with that they don’t love you anymore is heartbreaking, world shattering news. It’s like a train runs you over and you can’t move. A brick wall is standing in front of you and you don’t know where to go. Truth is, even though it hurts right now, and even though you feel like you will always love her and only her, time passes and does heal all wounds. It is true what people say, it’s better now that you didn’t have kids together, it’s better now than 20 years down the road after you lived half your life together, it’s just better now. This is true, but it doesn’t mean it’s going to make you feel better about the situation. You have to think though, did you want to stay in a marriage full of lies, filled with someone you loved so much but doesn’t love you back in return? Don’t you think you deserve to be loved the way you love them? There is no big secret about how to move on, there is no “do this”; “do that”, and you will get over it. Everyone is different and we all move on in different ways. As for your drinking, if it’s to try to make the pain go away, then that’s a problem, drinking doesn’t solve sadness, it only increases it. If you are noticing that you are drinking more, than you should be able to control it. It’s not easy moving forward when you thought you already had your life planned out with someone, but this is a new beginning, you have a new job a new place a new life…Think positive, I know it’s hard, but I promise, things do get better.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Newly married & cheated on

    The Question:

    I just found out my husband is cheating on me, he keeps denying it and yet he keeps telling me he’s sorry. I’d been suspecting for a while and now I have proof, when I confronted him, he denied it and he kept telling me he’s sorry, I’m so sad because I love him very much and what I don’t understand is we’re newly married, is he fed up of me already? I don’t know what to do, and I don’t know if I can forgive him and move on.


    My Response:

    Dear Newly Wed;

    Have you showed your husband the proof so that he can’t deny that he is actually cheating on you? This is a hard situation to be in and no one should have to go through what you are going through, especially so early in your marriage, but with that said, it is better to have found this out now rather than 5 or 10 years down the road. The trust is broken and it is very hard to get that back after someone has cheated on the relationship. I say show him the proof and move on. It isn’t going to be easy but you deserve so much better than someone who is telling you they love you, married you and then cheated on you. Life is too short to stay with someone who would hurt you like that.

    Don’t blame yourself for his actions, it isn’t something that you did wrong, unfortunately men just think with the wrong head. It doesn’t mean that he loved you any less, but it does show a lack of respect for you and your marriage. You deserve a love that won’t cheat on you.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • They want to marry me off but I’m already in love…

    The Question:

    Dear Kristin Nicole;

    I’m in a relationship with my boyfriend for the past 5 years and we decided that we want to get married. My mother knows everything about him and kept saying that I needed to leave him because my dad would never approve of him. (I am from Delhi) I never listened to my mother and I stayed with my boyfriend. I met his family and they all accepted me, then one day my parents told me that they wanted to marry me off. My mom told my dad everything about my relationship and how long I had been with him, and now he is so angry that he doesn’t want to see me, they do not agree with my relationship and say it’s an affair, he is not good enough due to making less money then they do. They want me to leave him but I can’t live without him and I do not want to marry any other man. They said if I want to marry him that I can, but I would have to leave the house and have no relationship with them ever again. My boyfriend wants to just leave and get married and take me away from my family but he doesn’t understand that I cannot just get up and leave them, they are my family, they are the only thing I’ve ever known. My family will be in great pain if I just leave them. I am caught in between and I don’t know who to choose.
    I’m really depressed about this because I can’t bare to live without my boyfriend. Please tell me what to do?

    I also want to mention one more thing here that our kundlis do not match and he belongs to a different caste; and the big problem I am facing is that I can’t run from home thinking that my parents have done a lot for me until now and if I run, how will they face the world? They will die with this act of mine, so I can’t leave my parents just like that; but my boyfriend is forcing me to run from home. I am not able to understand that; how should I handle both sides? I am really trapped in between my parents and my boyfriend. Please try helping me out.

    ~In Between

    My Response:

    Dear In Between;

    To my understanding you are in love with a man that your parents don’t approve of due to him not making enough money (that meets their standards), Religion (because you stated they wanted to marry you off to someone else) and they want you to marry a man you don’t love? You have to choose between your family or your boyfriend who you want to marry? You have been with him for 5 years but your father never knew about it? This is and was your first mistake. I understand that in your religion or culture that it is very different, but communication and honesty is key. You have a big decision to make and unfortunately I can not tell you what to do. You need sit down with your father and mother, explain to them that love to you is so much more important and that you love this man, you want to spend the rest of your life with him but that you do not want to loose your families respect nor their love or relationship with you. Your happiness means a lot and your happiness should mean a lot to them as well. I know that it is very difficult because your father is probably very stubborn and very true to his religion/culture and what you are doing is probably an embarrassment of some sort or disrespect. Unfortunately we cannot help who we fall in love with.

    If you talk to your parents and they are still making you choose then you have to make a decision. Also talk to your boyfriend, explain to him that this is not an easy decision, although you love him and want to spend your life with him, you can not just run away with him and leave your family behind to never reunite with them. You need time to talk to your family first; and to make a decision. Maybe your father will agree to a meeting with your boyfriend so that he can meet him and his family. You said that your kundlis do not match? and you belong to different caste? Is this a religion or this is a horoscope (I am confused)? You may not be able to convince either party to compromise, and this is when you will be faced with one of the hardest decisions in your life. Do you choose LOVE, or do you choose Family. Family will always be there for you, they will always love you even if they are making you choose love over family and they are your family. Love, love sometimes only truly comes around once, and sometimes we have to really think; can we give up everything for the one person we love? Can we give up what we have known all our lives because of love? Love comes and goes sometimes and although sometimes we feel there is only that one true love, love comes in many ways and forms and there is always love out there. This is something you have to decide, but take your time and try talking to your family and your boyfriend again before making such a hard choice.

    Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole