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  • Why does my wife no longer seem interested in sex?

    The Question:

    I am a devoted husband and father. I certainly help around the house, pay a substantial portion of the bills, and spend a lot of time with the children. I also keep myself in above average physical condition. I feel that everything is fine except our sex life. I try to be romantic (flowers/dinner), tell her how sexy she is, but my advances always seem to be met with opposition. This has gone on for about 3-4 years now. I’m not sure long I can accept a once a month or longer sex life.

    My Response:

    Dear Substantial Husband;

    You need to be open with your wife, maybe there is something going on with her that you don’t know about, and if it’s been 3 to 4 years of this, it’s time you get some answers. I know life gets busy and we all get tired, but once a month is unacceptable. Sex is an important part of a relationship and if you are doing all the right things (which it sounds like you are), helping around the house, being with the kids, staying in shape and being romantic then I really don’t see a problem here. Sounds to me, that your wife isn’t happy about something and the only way to find out what is going on is to straight out ask her. See if someone can take the kids for the weekend and sit down and talk to your wife about what is bothering you, a marriage a relationship is doomed with out communication, if you don’t talk about it now things won’t get better. It’s already been 3-4 years….don’t keep waiting to ask her what is wrong, and try to fix it and get that flame going again.

    xo
    kristin nicole

  • My husband hit me but I want him back…

    The Question:

    Me and my husband of 6 weeks got into a big fight and he put his hands on me.I went to the cops and he’s in jail. I want to drop the charges on him; I love him and we’ve been together for 6 years what should I do? Am I stupid to want him back?

    My Response:

    Dear Abused;

    You aren’t stupid, it’s natural to want someone back that you love, and sometimes we try to find excuses for the people that hurt us. Unfortunately it starts with putting his hands on you once and asking for forgiveness, stating he would never touch you again, then it goes into him hitting you again and making you feel like it’s your fault. It’s never a persons fault for getting hit, because no one ever deserves that kind of abuse. You did the right thing by calling the cops and I know it’s hard because you just got married, but you have been with him for 6 years, has he never once in that time placed a hand on you? Some men don’t become abusive until after they get married, because they feel it’s harder for the women to leave them. It’s ultimately your choice here on whether to drop the charges or not, personally, I think any man who hits a women deserves to be in jail and more. If he’s never done this before, offer marriage counseling, and anger management classes and go from there, but if this is something that has happened in the past, and you keep coming up with excuses for him and saying you love him and feeling bad for putting him in jail then STOP! You are worth so much more than that, you deserve someone who will love you so much they would NEVER lay a hand on you. Respect yourself enough to not get treated that way.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My husband cheated…

    The Question:

    My husband cheated .. should I see it as a free pass?

    My Response:

    Dear Free Pass;

    If this is a question you have to ask “is it a free pass”, then more than likely you are looking for that free pass to get out. It’s not so much of a free pass, but self respect, someone shouldn’t stay with someone who is cheating on them. If you have been looking for a way out, then definitely take this as your “free pass” to get out. Don’t use it as the only excuse though, if you were looking for a free pass, there was obviously something there that you already wanted out on.

    If you are talking about having a free pass to cheat, then no I don’t think it’s a free pass. Two wrongs don’t make a right, and if you are only going to be cheating on each other then there is no true relationship there, you might as well just get out now, and be with whoever you want to be with. There is no such thing as a “free pass”.

    Good luck.

    xo
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • He keeps sending me mixed signals…

    The Question:

    He yelled at me I’m driving him nuts!?!? I don’t know what’s up with him. He says I can’t do nothing by myself, how I’m always bored, how we have to do everything together, how I should find someone else to go out with and so on! The truth is I have more friends than him, I’m more outgoing, I’m more independent than him, everything he accused me for is a pure lie! The next minute he nagged how I don’t shower him with attention enough in public! Just after he told me I’m clingy. When I said OK, we won’t see each other every day, I’m fine with it. He said he wants to see me and he is always first to invite himself to come to me and so on. What is this about?!?!

    My Response:

    Dear Mixed Signals;

    It’s time to sit down with your boyfriend and have a heart to heart. Maybe he’s confused as to where this relationship is going, but he is definitely sending mixed signals. One minute he’s asking you to give him space and almost acting like a jerk so that you would break up with him, and the next he wants to spend more time with you and be with you. Sit down with him, and ask him openly what is going on? If you want to stay in this relationship tell him you love him and are committed but you can’t keep going back and forth with him sending you mixed signals. Sometimes men don’t know how to communicate there feelings and so they act out in other ways, men sometimes also try to fight with us for no reason when they are trying to get out of a relationship but don’t know how. Talk to him, without communication you won’t get passed this.

    xo
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Is there hope after love?


    The Question:

    “I don’t love you any more” I will never forget the day my wife told me those words…we have only been married for less than a year and been together for two years before that but it still felt like my my whole life was falling apart…people tell me I’m lucky we had no kids or that it happened now instead of 20 years down the road but that doesn’t seem to take away from the fact that I love her more than any thing…to be told your not loved by the person you built your world around will knock you down and I’m finding it very hard to get back up. I’ve moved away and I’m starting a new job but my hart seems to be stuck in the past, I still love her even thought I know there is no real hope of us ever being together again. I’ve started drinking which I never do but it seems to be the only thing that takes away some of the pain if only for a few hours; anyway this is not really a question its just me asking for others story of hope and recovery from losing love. Please tell me how you got over your loss of love and that’s its going to get better…right????

    My Response:

    Dear Lost Love;

    Being told by the person you think you’re going to spend the rest of your life with that they don’t love you anymore is heartbreaking, world shattering news. It’s like a train runs you over and you can’t move. A brick wall is standing in front of you and you don’t know where to go. Truth is, even though it hurts right now, and even though you feel like you will always love her and only her, time passes and does heal all wounds. It is true what people say, it’s better now that you didn’t have kids together, it’s better now than 20 years down the road after you lived half your life together, it’s just better now. This is true, but it doesn’t mean it’s going to make you feel better about the situation. You have to think though, did you want to stay in a marriage full of lies, filled with someone you loved so much but doesn’t love you back in return? Don’t you think you deserve to be loved the way you love them? There is no big secret about how to move on, there is no “do this”; “do that”, and you will get over it. Everyone is different and we all move on in different ways. As for your drinking, if it’s to try to make the pain go away, then that’s a problem, drinking doesn’t solve sadness, it only increases it. If you are noticing that you are drinking more, than you should be able to control it. It’s not easy moving forward when you thought you already had your life planned out with someone, but this is a new beginning, you have a new job a new place a new life…Think positive, I know it’s hard, but I promise, things do get better.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My husband is too shy!?

    The Question:

    He gets worried when we go out, and just avoids people. If someone asks him a question or tries to start a conversation, he can’t speak and gets nervous and upset.
    He seems to be getting worse over the last few weeks. We stayed at his cousins house last week and he was to shy to ask where the bathroom was so he waited fourteen hours until we got home. What can I do?

    My Response:

    Dear worried;

    This is more than just being shy, have you guys gone to a therapist or a doctor to try and see what the problem is. There is something bigger here than just being shy. Your husband is a grown man and he waited 14 hours to get home to go the restroom (and he was at a family members house)? This sounds a bit too much to me. As for when he goes out with you he avoids people, perhaps he has a social anxiety problem where he doesn’t know how to control it and therefore gets nervous and rambles on when talking to others. Has your husband always been like this? Talk to your husband and see when this all started, then talk to a professional and try to figure out what you can do together to make it better.

    xo
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Is he going to end our relationship?

    The Question:

    I am going through an awful time. I am going through a divorce and so is my boyfriend. We are in our 40’s.

    I feel so insecure at times. My boyfriend and I have been together 8 months and at the weekend I asked him if he loved me more than he did his wife. He said ‘no, but in time hopes to’. This wasn’t the answer I was hoping for as he always tells me he loves me so much and I do him.

    I thought we had got over it, but he rang me today and said he’s not sure if he can stay with me now I asked that question as I had no right and it has left him feeling very low.

    Is this because he misses his wife? I really love him and don’t want to lose him just because I asked one question. Surely if we love one another, we should be able to talk and ask anything which might be bothering us.

    Please help. I am so down today.

    My Response:

    Dear Insecure;

    Every love is different, that isn’t a question that you ask someone, and if he was married to her for many years I am sure he loved her a lot. This does not mean that he doesn’t love you any less or any more than he did her. It is a totally different relationship and you are both coming out of marriages that you were in for a long time. He may feel uncomfortable that you asked him that, and that he was honest with the way he felt. Perhaps you are asking too much from him right now? Although this is a question I would never ask because you are only looking to get hurt with that type of question. Have you asked yourself why can’t you be happy with the way things are? If what you are looking for is a deeper relationship and wanting to know where your relationship is going, well that is a totally different question that you need ask him. Talk to your boyfriend and tell him that you don’t want things to be awkward because of your question and try to fix things with him if you really want things to work out. Stop being insecure, if he didn’t want to be with you, he wouldn’t be. Know that you are sexy, beautiful and worth every minute spent with you. Love yourself and stop worrying about the rest.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Newly married & cheated on

    The Question:

    I just found out my husband is cheating on me, he keeps denying it and yet he keeps telling me he’s sorry. I’d been suspecting for a while and now I have proof, when I confronted him, he denied it and he kept telling me he’s sorry, I’m so sad because I love him very much and what I don’t understand is we’re newly married, is he fed up of me already? I don’t know what to do, and I don’t know if I can forgive him and move on.


    My Response:

    Dear Newly Wed;

    Have you showed your husband the proof so that he can’t deny that he is actually cheating on you? This is a hard situation to be in and no one should have to go through what you are going through, especially so early in your marriage, but with that said, it is better to have found this out now rather than 5 or 10 years down the road. The trust is broken and it is very hard to get that back after someone has cheated on the relationship. I say show him the proof and move on. It isn’t going to be easy but you deserve so much better than someone who is telling you they love you, married you and then cheated on you. Life is too short to stay with someone who would hurt you like that.

    Don’t blame yourself for his actions, it isn’t something that you did wrong, unfortunately men just think with the wrong head. It doesn’t mean that he loved you any less, but it does show a lack of respect for you and your marriage. You deserve a love that won’t cheat on you.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Sacrificing dreams for a man, is it worth it?

    The Question:

    I met a guy 3 months before my big traveling trip. This was my dream. I told him my plans since day one and after spending a lot of time together we fell for each other and decided to keep in mutual contact. This progressed into a long distance. Our relationship got stronger and stronger its been year apart, I thought he was the one. I came to realize that I needed to make a choice between my relationship and my trip so I chose the relationship. But ever since we have booked the flight tickets of him visiting me in London then returning home to Australia together we have been constantly fighting for no reason. I thought it was because the long distance that once we can be physically together it would resolve the arguments. Today would be five days before he actually comes to London and he has dumped me.

    His reasons were that I haven’t sacrificed anything, if I loved him then I shouldn’t of left him in the first place and will not forgive me for it. That i haven’t given myself fully, I am holding back and don’t want to be committed. That the love that I give him is not good enough, not the same as the love he gives me.

    I am still in shock. I have planned this trip for ages it was my dream, he knew it all along and I have sacrificed it for the relationship. I have quit my job, quit all my traveling plans, worked my **** off to save some cash for when I get home. Flights were booked, parcels sent home all because I wanted the relationship. I am so confused, who would do something like that?

    My Response:

    Dear London;

    I’m going to make this short and sweet, Love is great but we will never understand why men do the things they do. You did the right thing by traveling and doing what you have always dreamed to do, sometimes we hold back for love only to find out later that the love we held back for wasn’t really ours to keep. I know it hurts and you already moved half your stuff, but you can get that back, stay where you are and don’t go back home, if your boyfriend wants to tell you about the sacrifices you haven’t made, how about the sacrifice he is throwing back in your face (the fact that he was waiting for you), and he could have joined you on your trip.He could be giving you the guilt trip to break up with you because he’s found someone else (it’s harsh to hear but you have to take this into consideration), or he just truly feels that the relationship isn’t going to work. Try talking to him to get closure if you like, but I think moving on and living your life is the best way to go. Keep doing what you are doing, you can’t stop your dreams for someone else, if the other person really and truly loves you, they will follow you to your dreams.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Found out husband of nearly 20 years cheated on me when we were dating?

    The Question:

    I’ve been married for nearly 20 years and I just found out that my husband cheated on me when we were dating with one of my friends for a short while. He says this was the only time he has been unfaithful and that he regrets it and he wishes it never happened. He sounds deeply sorry but I have no idea what to do. I am completely devastated and heartbroken but he is the love of my life and we have 4 children together.

    My Response:

    Dear 20 years;

    This isn’t something you are going to get over in one night, just because it happened 20 years ago. However, with that said, you should move on, you have to trust that your husband has been faithful to you for this long, especially if you have had no doubt otherwise. Talk to your husband and tell him how you feel, don’t hold your feelings inside and work things out. As for your friend, is this still your friend? I don’t know how I would feel about a “friend” not telling me about what actually happened, and holding this secret from me for so many years. Lies always seem to come out, one way or the other. I am not saying you should forgive and forget your husbands infidelity just like that, but if he’s been a good husband and father for the past 20 years then you should find a way to forgive him. Find a way to trust him again and keep that love that has kept you together for the past 20 years alive. It’s normal to feel the way you are feeling, don’t feel bad about how you are feeling and talk through your feelings.

    Good Luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com