Just another WordPress site

Tag: miami

  • My husband abuses me & I don’t know if to stay?

    The Question:

    Okay I have been with my husband for 4 years, For the first 18 months we were fine! The week after I gave birth to my first child, he was drunk and he beat me really bad. To this day my eye twitches because of it. Well he didn’t do anything like that for a long time, 5 months or so. We got married around our two year anniversary. It is like it all went down hill from there. I was pregnant again and he beat me all throughout my pregnancy. He kicked me in the back and when I told him he could hurt the baby and he said ” well it wasn’t in the stomach”. After I gave birth to my 2nd (2nd c-section) he beat me again because I asked him to change HIS FIRST diaper. He said it wasn’t his “job”. For the last 7 months I have been on new diabetic meds that doesn’t make me feel to good and on various occasions he has wanted sex, and when I say no he pretty much does it to me anyway. I had planned to leave him, he hasn’t done anything for about 7 weeks, but after all that I don’t think I could still stay with him. I just feel like I don’t feel the same anymore. Am, I wrong for feeling this way, I don’t know what to do anymore, I need some advise , someone to talk to anything. I need help with this situation, what should I do?

    My Response:

    Dear Abused Wife/Mother;

    You are not wrong to feel that way, it is absolutely normal to feel like you lost yourself, to feel like you aren’t yourself anymore because your husband has taken away your faith. He has taken away your strength and your heart, and you have not only you to think about but your children. Do you want your children to grow up in an abusive house hold? First things first…You should have never married him after he beat you the first time, but you did and we can’t turn back time now. The second time he beat you, during your pregnancy should have been another sign that he had no regard for your life or for the life of your un-born child. Stop for a moment and stop coming up with excuses like “well it’s been 7 weeks since he’s done anything”. It doesn’t make it right! NO MAN should ever beat their wife or anyone for that matter. You need to be strong and I am not saying it’s going to be easy but do you have family that you can live with for a while? Take your children and go to court. I would not trust this man with my children, if he beats you it is possible he can become abusive to the children if he hasn’t already. You need to divorce this man, you need to press charges and you need to get out now. DO NOT let him suck you back into his life. He will tell you how much he loves you, how much you mean to me, that you are everything to him and that he is so sorry for hitting you and he will never do it again??! If he doesn’t go that route, he may try to threaten you and he may tell you that you cannot leave him. YOU ALWAYS have a choice to leave. If you feel that he may do something more than just beat you, you need to be close to family and you need to report him to the police. I understand that he is the child of your children but do you honestly think that this is a good father figure for your children? Do you want your children to follow the patterns into an abusive relationship in the future or become abusers themselves one day? This is what usually happens when a child grows up in this kind of environment. I would talk to a lawyer and make sure that he can only have visitation rights with a supervised visit. As for him forcing you to have sex, it doesn’t matter if he’s your husband in most states that is considered rape, even by a husband. GET OUT NOW! You need to be strong and confident and you need to be happy. You will never be happy living with fear.

    I hope you get the help you need.

    xo
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • I have no self esteem left with men and don’t know how to get any?

    The Question:

    I spent four years living with a guy who started off wonderfully but cheated on me constantly because he said I wasn’t good looking enough (but I had a ‘beautiful personality’) and then left one day and never spoke to me again. He stabbed his next girlfriend while high. Then I didn’t date for ten years as I traveled instead. I met a guy who was shy, humble, sweet and kind – he tried to con me out of money and told me how ugly I am. He wouldn’t touch me during sex. I just feel all out of self esteem. Men look at me in the street, but I’m scared to let another man near me. Both started off so wonderfully sweet. None of my friends guessed their true colors. How can I get some self esteem?

    My Response:

    Dear Self-Esteem;

    Self Esteem is something you have to learn, you need to be confident in yourself. Lets start off with your first relationship, the moment he cheated on you, that should have been a clear indication to ‘GET OUT’, then when he told you that you were not good looking but had a “beautiful personality” that should have been a hint that he was just not that into you and that he clearly didn’t love you. Thank the heavens that he never spoke to you again, you could have been the next girlfriend that was stabbed while he was high, this guy was obviously a LOOSER!! You didn’t date for 10 years because you traveled, Okay…traveling is absolutely fabulous but you could have dated a foreign guy here and there just to spice things up, but whats done is done and now we go onto Boyfriend #2…. He was shy, humble, sweet and kind you say but he tried to “CON” YOU OUT OF MONEY, and he told you that you were ugly??? Okay did he tell you were ugly first or did he try to Con you out of money first, either way these were clear signs that he was no good. Most con guys will act shy and sweet at first this is how they get you to believe they are nice guys, don’t blame yourself, that is why they are called “CON ARTISTS”, this can happen to anyone, unfortunately because you didn’t have a relationship for a long time and the one relationship you did have was a verbally abusive one you already probably showed signs of insecurity. Have faith in yourself, if you don’t believe in yourself no one else will. I know it is easier said than done, believe me, I used to be very insecure, I always felt all my girlfriends were much more prettier than I was, and I was too skinny and my legs were ugly and well you get my drift. However, I was always strong in my personality, I would never let a man put me down, if I thought those stuff about myself I sure didn’t need someone else thinking them about me too, I needed a man who would compliment me and love me for me. I went through a few relationships until I found someone who I can be myself around with. There are plenty of guys out there, don’t give up. Don’t worry about what men think and just worry about what you think about yourself. I learned that I was skinny but a lot of guys liked that, and I grew into my awkwardness and realized I was pretty hot 😉

    Be strong, don’t ever let a man put you down, the minute they do, that’s a clear sign to “GET OUT”! Don’t give up though, there is always someone out there for someone.

    xo
    kristin nicole

  • How do I tell my husband that I want a divorce?

    The Question:

    I have fallen out of love with my husband. I’m no really in love with him. He just kinda … became a bore to me and I’m getting sick of him. Also he has gained a lot of weight over the past few years and I’m not very attracted to him anymore.

    I just don’t feel the same anymore as I used to. I’m ready to move on into the next chapter in my life. How do I tell the man that I want a divorce?

    My Response:

    Dear Divorce;

    Sometimes we fall out of love and that’s okay, it just wasn’t meant to be, but we usually fall out of love because of reasons other than he just gained some weight over the years, because weight can be changed. However, if you really are ready to move on and you are not happy, it is not healthy to stay in this relationship and it is better for the both of you that you move your separate ways. It is not going to be easy, but no one can really tell you how to tell your husband you want a divorce. You can either do it in the comfort of your home or you can pick a public place to tell him (just in case you think he might make a scene). Be honest with him and tell him how you have been feeling and that you want a divorce. (I would leave the weight part out, but that’s just me). There really is no easy way to do this, so you made the decision to move on, make that decision to get up and tell him how you feel. Good luck

    xo
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Would leaving my 10yr old stepdaughter with my abusive husband be selfish?

    The Question:

    Would leaving my 10yr old stepdaughter with my abusive husband be selfish? I love her, she has been raised as mine and wants to come with me but taking her or even raising the desire to take her will open the door to the manipulation and disorder that I want to leave far far behind. My husband is an unmitigated narcissist who will withhold money, disrupt birthdays and holidays, tell hurtful lies, be violent or distant to me and the children anything that suits his current control needs. I can now leave all that but not if I have his daughter. But I know she will bear the brunt of all that if I leave her. What do I do?

    My Response:

    Dear Step-Mom;

    First things first, did you adopt his daughter when she was little? If you did not adopt her I am not sure if you have any rights to having full custody, but you can talk to a lawyer and see what your options are. This is a very difficult situation because you do not want to stay in an abusive relationship but you can not leave your step daughter with him either if he is abusive. Find a way to either take full custody or see if there is someone that can fight for custody of her. I think that there might be a way to file custody for her if you choose to be responsible of her since she knows you and was raised by you. You need to find this out first and go from there, but it is not healthy for either of you to stay in a house if he is being violent with you. I hope this helps, good luck and I would love for you to keep me updated, I am interested in finding out if you are able to file for custody. I looked up a few sites and a few say you might be able to but nothing concrete. As to your original question of being selfish if you leave your step daughter with your abusive husband, I have to say yes, I know it is a hard position to be in, but you raised her and she should not be left with him alone, either fight for her or you need to make the decision of calling child services on him. It is a hard decision but I think your best bet is to go to a lawyer first and find out your options. Good Luck!

    xo
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Do you think it is overrated to save your virginity until marriage?

    The Question:

    Do you think it is overrated to save your virginity until marriage?
    Ii just want some honest input, if you’re not mature enough to answer than don’t. Since I’m asking for your input I guess I can give you mine. “I am 19 years old and in college and a virgin. I’m wondering if its just a silly pipe dream that I will find a girl who has the same morals as I do? It is not easy keeping it and honestly I kind of forget why I am sometimes. Any thoughts?

    My Response:

    Dear Wanting to wait;

    I do not think it is overrated and I do think it is sweet, and it is hard very hard. Now a day’s a lot of girls and a lot of guys do not wait for marriage, but if this is something you truly believe in then I think you should stick with it. Perhaps join a church group, you might be able to find a girl that is still “pure” there rather than frat parties in college 😉 You might also find other guys that have the same morals as you do and it may make it easier to hang out with them then other 19 year old guys who are only looking to party and have sex. You are still young and you still have time to decide, but do not let others tell you that it is overrated or that you shouldn’t wait until marriage. If this is how you feel, I say go for it. Good luck.

    xo
    kristin nicole

  • Is my mother a lesbian?

    The Question:

    Well the other night, I came home from school and I saw my mom with a girl. She was pretty, and then they were on a bed together. My mom was shocked and told me to get out of the room, then the next morning, the girl that was with my mom left, and i saw my mom kiss her. Ii don’t know what to do. Please help…

    My response:

    Dear confused;

    I can’t say for sure if your mother is a lesbian, but this is something very personal and something you need to sit down with your mom and talk about. How old are you? Perhaps she feels you can’t take the news, but if she doesn’t want to talk about it with you, she shouldn’t have other women sleeping over and kissing her where you can obviously catch her doing so. It is more then likely that perhaps your mom is going through a change, I’m not sure the situation, like if she just recently divorced your dad, if your dad has been in the picture at all? Questions that could determine what she may be going through. Either way, I say talk to her, confront your mom and see what she says. Good luck!

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My Dad’s going through a mid-life crisis & he is scaring the heck out of me! What should I do?

    The Question:

    No joke I need advice. My dad is 53 yrs old and I believe he is going through a mid life crisis. He is starting to scare the heck out of me because he is NOT acting like himself. It seems like one minute he is OK and the next he’s get extremely upset or angry over little things. He’s criticizing himself all the time and sometimes my mother for no reason. He thinks he looks too wrinkled and now he’s getting botox injections (even tho we can’t afford it). Like I’m worried about him but he thinks I am over reacting?!? WTF (What the F***) did I do? I understand he’s getting older .he has some health and financial problems in his life but I would like to try to find a way to help him. Anyone else have this problem?

    I am 23 yrs old (turning 24 soon in August) but I feel like he treats me like I am an extremely naive, stupid and unsophisticated child. I live at home but I’m trying to help him pay for bills and living expensive with my part time job.

    I am telling you he is driving me f***ing crazy. What should I do? (no jokes please )

    My response:

    Dear going crazy;

    I know it’s hard because no one really knows what he’s going through, the only thing you can try to do is sit down with him when he’s in a good mood. Explain to him the way you feel about the way he’s been acting lately and go from there. If that doesn’t work, then just try to stay out of his way for right now, give him time to figure things out. You should also talk to your mom, maybe the two of you can sit down together with him and tell him that whatever he’s going through that the two of you are there to help. The only other thing I can tell you is move out. You said you had a part time job, is this because you are going to school? If you are continue doing what you are doing then, live at home and just try to do your own thing. Mid-life crisis is like a man going through menopause, the difference, women talk about it and men don’t so they decide to do all these crazy things that we just don’t understand. Try to communicate to him as delicately as you can so he doesn’t take it the wrong way, and if all else fails, just give him time and stay out of the way. Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    Please leave comments.

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My friend is always critical of me, should I stay friends with her?

    The Question:

    I have a friend who recently went through a divorce and is a single mom now. I met her while she was going through the divorce. I have noticed that she always makes mean comments towards me even though I am always nice to her. For instance, she was going through my closet and says you are a lawyer why do you buy cheap clothes or you aren’t detail oriented at all..are you sure you are a lawyer? The list goes on…she makes these snide comments when I least expect it and it really irritates the hell out of me. I am just friends with her out of pity. I don’t initiate contact with her and I don’t try to be friends with her..she always tries to run after me. She can be a good person but her critical remarks shows that something is mentally wrong with her. What should I do? Should I cut the crazy off?

    My response:

    Dear taking criticism;

    It seems to me that although you say you are friends with her out of pity only, you are the one that initiated the friendship and therefor it also seems she isn’t the one who’s going to end it. Just because she was going through a rough divorce gives her no right to criticize but people who are going through tough times and aren’t happy with their own lives tend to criticize the ones they envy. Unfortunately you didn’t stand up to her the first time she started criticizing you and that was your first mistake. You can do two things, you can either step up to her the next time she tries putting you down, just tell her that you don’t appreciate her criticizing the way you live your life or the way you do things and that you are happy with the way your life is; or you can drop her as a friend. Seems to me that she isn’t such a good friend to begin with and you should never be-friend someone just because you feel sorry for them, you should be friends with someone because that person is a friend back to you. My opinion, drop her, she doesn’t seem like a good friend and she needs a lot of growing up to do. There was probably a reason she got divorced to begin with. Move on and find some real friends to hang out with.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

    Please comment…

  • How do I stop talking to my ex so I can live a sane life?

    The Question:

    I have posted before about this train wreck of a relationship. I dated him for about a year, moved in early, then moved out because he was kind of a whack job, then we tried to date again, then broke up, and now are in this gray area. Do I see a future with him? No. Do I want to be with him? No. Do I want to move on and stop talking to him? More than anyone can humanly imagine. So, why then, do I consistently maintain contact with him? He will text back, he will sleep with me, he will hang out with me (at his convenience) but overall, a selfish jerk. Sometimes when I text him, I just feel icky. I know that he will avoid me, or ignore texts just to see me squirm. He is rude and doesn’t give two shi**s about what I’m doing, other than the occasional, “How are you?” text after I have asked him. Do I think he actually cares about how I am? No. Am I still in love with him? Not this guy, but the guy he used to be. He leaves me hanging’, I don’t trust him…..but I just can’t STOP the contact with him. HOW (and I am in counseling too), do I just STOP!?!?!? How do you stop the obsessive thoughts of whether or not he’s with another girl….texting another girl….ignoring me….? I just want to STOP so I can live my life. My days are crap when I’m in contact with him. He’s no good. I just want this madness to stop. I feel like I have zero willpower. I am desperate.

    My response:

    Dear sane;

    You say you don’t want to be with him, you say you are over him, you say he’s a jerk, that you want to forget about him, yet here you are still talking about him, still texting him, still wondering if he’s with another girl. STOP! Take time to breath, and realize that you are still hung up on this guy whether you want to be or not. Sometimes it’s hard to get over what we thought we had, what we think could of been. You already have realized that he isn’t the same guy you started dating, and that’s the first step into getting over him. No one can really tell you how to make it stop, you are the only one that can make that happen. Erase his number from your phone, get rid of anything that he’s given you or any pictures you still have of him ( I know you must have that stuff still), the sooner you do this the sooner it will sink into your head that things are really over between the two you. STOP Texting, loose his number and perhaps even change yours so that he can’t contact you. You already know he isn’t any good for you, he didn’t treat you good and he was as you stated a bit of “a whack job”, so why would you possibly want to be with someone like this. Respect yourself, and learn to love yourself, when you get that you will finally see that this guy isn’t worth your time. You deserve someone that will love you the way you love them, you deserve someone who will treat you good and want to be with you, not someone like the man you described above. Unfortunately women tend to hold on to things, we tend to think about the guy, and drive ourselves crazy even when we know it isn’t going to do any good. Start hanging out with family or friends, going out keep your mind off things and move on. You have to stop in order for you to move on. Hope this helps you a little. Keep me updated.

    Please leave comments if you want.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Happy Birthday!

    Happy Birthday

    Today is the day you were born
    Today is the day I give thanks to the lord
    Without you here, you wouldn’t be part of my world.

    My world changed the day you came into my life
    With every wish I wished upon a star
    that one day I would find love
    love found me a million miles away

    Love entered my heart when I thought it was gone
    you showed me the light,
    you showed me the way,
    if it wasn’t for you
    my world would have gone astray.

    Today is your birthday
    and I wish you the world
    I know that good things are coming your way
    with every wish I make
    with every breath I take
    I know deep down that from here on out
    only good things will come our way.

    Happy Birthday to the man I love
    Happy Birthday
    Happy Birthday

    I love you…..

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    © ~Written By: Kristin Nicole August 23, 2011 – Monday~

    Happy Birthday to a wonderful boyfriend, I hope you are enjoying our trip. I love you