Advice Column: How do I leave the past in the past? Image found on google.com/images
Advice Column: How do I leave the past in the past?
How do I relax and and enjoy the ride? I want to be happy but I don’t know how to relax and enjoy the guy I’m with. I have so many doubts because I had my heart broken a lot. I am happy and nervous all at the same time. He is a great guy and we spend a lot of time together but I am so afraid of getting my heart broken or the relationship not working out because of my past. What do I do? It’s so hard, please help.
(Edited)
My Response:
Dear Past;
It’s hard to put the past behind you but every time you get that feeling you have to just remind yourself that this guy isn’t the guy who broke your heart. You have to trust him and you have to believe that he won’t hurt you like the other guys did. I know it’s hard and it’s much easier said than done, but if you want this relationship to work and grow you have to let go of the past and start new with this guy. When you start thinking negative thoughts, notice it, and stop yourself. Change your thought of direction and start thinking of all the good this relationship has brought to you so far. No relationship is ever guaranteed but we have to hope that the next one won’t hurt us. Keep the faith!
Advice Column: Cheated on several times. Image found on google.com/images
Advice Column: Cheated on several times
Dear Kristin Nicole;
I found out my boyfriend cheated on me while we were in a long distance relationship. He finally moved to my home town but I found out that while he was gone he slept with other women. He recently had to go back home to take care of some family business and while he was gone I hooked up with a friend of mine. I love my boyfriend but a part of me can’t get over the fact that he cheated on me. I know two wrongs don’t make a right but I felt hurt and betrayed and sleeping with my friend almost made me feel better. I don’t know if I should come clean or tell my boyfriend. I don’t know if I can ever trust my boyfriend again and I am still so angry with him. The friend I slept with has been trying to get with me and he tells me all the time how my boyfriend is a loser and how I deserve better. I am a little confused now. Should I stay with my boyfriend or leave him and try to see if my friendship with this guy can be more than just friends?
Sincerely, Confused~
My Response:
Dear Confused;
Let’s start off with the fact that your boyfriend cheated on you while you were in a long distance relationship. As soon as you found this out, you should have hit the highway. Do you want to be with a man who has cheated on you with not one but several other women? Second, you are right, two wrongs don’t make a right, and although I can see why you sought comfort in someone who is always telling you that you deserve better, you don’t want your friend to be a rebound guy. If you feel you can’t trust your boyfriend then end things. Send him packing back to where he came from. Take time for you and try to stay friends with your guy friend and go from there. If it’s meant to be, things will work out, if not you will hopefully still have a friend after all this. Don’t ever think you need to stay with someone who has cheated on you. You deserve better. Go find yourself a real man!
I have read your blog and I have to tell you that I admire what you do and I love the advices you give, so I have brought to you my situation…
I have to mention that I am 20, married, part-time worker and college student. My husband (20 yrs old) works full-time at night, so we only see each other like 2 hrs a day, since he sleeps all afternoon long. I have gotten in a situation I hate to be in… An old crush (20 yrs old) appeared a couple of months ago, we decided to hang out one day. We went to the mall and walked around and just talked about life and what we’ve done all that time in which we didnt see each other. As the day went by I felt this amazing chemistry we had, like if we knew eachother from a long time. As the week went by we texted each other and decided to meet again ( I know this was a big mistake). We went to the zoo and after we were out of the zoo, we walked towards a little park that’s infront of the Zoo. We sat down on the grass and talked for a while, as we were talking, we ended up kissing… Since that day things have gotten more serious, we’ve met many times and had intercourse… My husband and I do not have time for each other, all he wants to do is sleep when he gets home since he is tired and I understand that. When he wakes up, its time for me to go to work and when I get off work, its time for him to go to work… My Ex-crush makes me feel like I havent felt in a long time.. last month, my Ex-crush and I thought I was preagnant, and he was very happy and willing to support me? Even though the child was not going to be raised by him. We found out I was not preagnant which was a big relief for me. I am starting to feel more than just attraction for him… I do not want to fall in love and I feel that is too late to stop what I have started… But really I can not picture my life without my husband. Even though we’ve only been married for 3 yrs, we’ve built alot of things together, credit, car, house, friends and etc., and i feel that nothing is really worth leaving my husband. I have a life with my husband, i do not want to divorce him, no one in my family has ever gotten one. I dont want to keep cheating on him, I have no idea what to do, maybe your answer will be to stop seeing my lover but really thats really hard since we are very good friends and he makes me happy, and I am now starting to have feelings for him. My lover mentioned that having a baby with me would be the best thing that could happen to him, and that confused me a lot. He says that we should try to have one, but I dont think it is right. What would be your advice?
~Too Young
My Response:
Dear Too Young;
I want to first start off by saying; Thank you so much for following my site. I hope that I can help you with what I am going to say.
I am not going to say that it is impossible to love two people at once, because it is possible, but you cannot be with two people at once, living a lie and trying to keep them both at arms reach. No one can tell you what choice to make, not even me. You have to truly see who you are truly in love with and be with that person. If you truly love your husband, you would not want to be with another man. I understand that it’s hard because of your time schedules to spend time together, but you need to communicate to your husband, and you need to try and make time for each other, or the relationship is not going to work. If you really want to make things work with your husband you need to end things with your friend. Do not take into consideration that no one in your family has ever gotten a divorce, if you aren’t in love with your husband it is better to move your separate ways now, then later down the road when you have children. It’s hard when you have a life built with someone you care for, but do you think it is okay to stay with someone just because you built credit, a house and a life with them? Life and marriage are so much more than that, and you will learn that one day. You are still young and you married young and there are many things in life you still have to experience. Do not stop yourself from doing what you want for you, because of what family or others might say. If you feel you really want to be with this other man, then you need to be honest with your husband and let him go. The fact that this man wants to have a baby with you, shows that he really cares for you, in his own way. I do not think that he will be okay with another man raising your child, I think he wants you to get pregnant because he believes this will give you the excuse to leave your husband. You are young and in my opinion, I would make sure to use birth control methods. You need to figure out what you want before bringing a child into this world. You also do not want to lie to your child about who their real father is, that is wrong on all levels. It isn’t fair to hold onto both men, when in the end you are only hurting yourself. No one can tell you which man to choose, you need to make that choice on your own. I think deep down you know the choice you want to make, I think you are just scared to make it. Life is too short to not make the choices in life that will make you happy. If you are grown up enough to get married, grown up enough to cheat, you are grown up enough to make a decision.
Hello – Anyone out there reading my posts? Sadly no one entered a poem to be featured in today’s post, so I guess I will have to put one of my OLDER Poems…… I wrote this and tweaked it a little to sound a little better. If you are reading… Let me know what you think.
Random Thoughts…
Have you ever just realized that the person you are with isn’t perfect, but with all the flaws and all the differences you have you know deep down that this person is for you, that He or She is your kind of Perfect? I grew up and realized that no one is perfect, but that is what makes us all unique, and in the end there is always that one person who fits perfectly together with you. This was dedicated to my boyfriend…
You’re my kind of Perfect
When I found you I didn’t know you would be the one
When you found me we were just having fun
Then out of nowhere we fell in love.
I never thought you were perfect but to me you shine that light
When I’m in the dark you make everything alright.
When we kissed I felt the summer breeze.
When our eyes met I knew deep down that now I can finally breathe.
When I met you I was lost,
I didn’t think love really existed,
But I opened up my heart to you,
I let you see the me no one sees,
And when you looked at me I knew
I had to let you in my world,
Because without you, I just wouldn’t be me.
Through the years you’ve been my strength
My best friend through it all
And even though we aren’t perfect
You’re my kind of Perfect
You’re my kind of Love…
~Written a long time ago for a friend stuck in a bad relationship. Thankfully she was able to realize that he was no good for her, and she is now with someone she loves very much and who loves her back.
Today is my Parents 33rd Anniversary, it amazes me how so many people today are divorced or separated. Whenever I tell people I have an older brother and a much younger sister they always question if it’s from the same father and mother. I always giggle with a response, YES. At first I found it strange for people to ask that question. Like what kind of question is that, of course it’s from the same parents. But as I grew older and saw so many of my friends parents divorced, I realized that it was becoming more common to have divorced parents then it was to have parents who were still married. How sad is that? I think it’s strong willed and strong love that keeps a couple together. No one is ever perfect and in the end we all argue about things in life and sometimes we get so angry with each other that we don’t want to talk, but in the end if we love each other if we just don’t give up, we can find a way to move past it and get back to where we once were.
Love is unconditional, Love is what you make of it, Love is Love… No one can take away the love unless you let it. Live Life to the fullest and be honest with each other because in the end you only have each other.
Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad, may you have many more years of patience, love, and happiness. Love you both!
My boyfriend and I have been together for about 6 months now. I am 22 and he is 25 years old. Whenever we have sex he rolls over and starts sucking his thumb; at first I thought he was just playing around, then it became consistent and I don’t know what to do. The sex is great so I tried to ignore it, but now it’s just weirding me out… Do I say something to him? I don’t think I can keep sleeping with him if he keeps sucking his thumb after sex, it’s a total turn off, what should I do?
~Stuck with a Thumb Sucker~
My Response:
Dear Stuck with a Thumb Sucker;
If you really like this guy and more than just for the sex then I would ask him nicely why it is he sucks his thumb after sex. If he tries to ignore or dodge your question then perhaps there are some other issues there that you don’t want to deal with. Explain to him that you don’t really like it, but don’t tell him it weirds you out or that it’s a turn off just yet, try to ask him about it nicely and see what he says. Maybe he thinks you like it since at first you played it off thinking he was messing around, but at this point you have been together long enough for him to stop. If you are only really with him for the sex, then you have nothing to loose in asking him about his thumb sucking, and if things get even more weird then you have the option to move on or stay with someone who sucks their thumb after sex. You are young and trust me, there are plenty of men out there that don’t suck their thumb after sex.
I used to have no problems with my married life. Now I find myself often wanting to be alone… I got married young-ish (25), I am still in love 8 years later, I am just tired of sharing my space 24/7… What can I do?
My Response:
Dear Need Space;
If you are still in love with your wife then this is good. You just need your space, which sometimes is understandable. Take time for yourself, whether it is a hot bath, reading a book or grabbing a glass of wine (yes guys do this too) and if you need more space then that, maybe join a gym and take time off by working out. Go out with a friend to a coffee shop, or a bar to watch the latest sports game. The point is, take some time for you and spend it either by yourself or with some friends. A marriage takes a lot of work but it does not mean that you can’t take a day for yourself. Take a day out of the week or out of the month to do YOU!
Do you think my married best friend is playing with fire? I’m fuming inside knowing this… My best friend has a wonderful, caring, good-looking husband and children. They seem to have everything going for them. There’s this married man we both know who’s high profile in the community. I’m a single mom btw. Anyway, he became friendly with me and we had a so-called emotional affair for a few years; I guess I was desperate and vulnerable and I regret it all. Now I’m sure he’s after my best friend because he went over for lunch at her place yesterday and the hubby wasn’t there; this is confirmed. He now invited them to his place, at the same time as me and my child (while the wife is gone of course). What should I do? Ignore him and my “best friend”? I can’t believe this is happening.
— He obviously uses the kids to get through to the mom. He has 2 failed marriages under his belt and is a player, no doubt about that one.
My Response:
Dear Friend;
It really is not your business and your friend is a grown woman so she can do has she pleases. I would stay out of it and just do your own thing. Getting involved might just cause drama you don’t really need in your life. If you feel you can’t stay quiet then confront your friend and talk to her, but after that it is her decision whether or not she pursues anything with this man. After this, just leave it alone and try not to get involved in something that really has nothing to do with you.
I found out a day ago that I’m preggers. I’m almost 17 and I’m scared. I have no idea how to tell my parents or what to do. HELP!?
My Response:
Dear Pregnant Teen;
Be honest with your parents, lying only makes things worse, and the sooner you figure this out the sooner your relationship with your parents will grow. This is not going to be easy and your parents are going to be upset, and they have every right to be upset, you are 16 and pregnant and this is not going to be easy. You truly have to think about what you are going to do and if you believe or will consider abortion. I do not believe in abortion 100% but under certain circumstances it is necessary. You are only a child and you are going to be raising a child. A child not only involves your attention, it takes a lot of money, formula, diapers, doctor visits, insurance for your child and before that even happens you have to think about your doctor visits and how much that is going to cost. Is the father around, and is he even going to stick around? You may have to do this on your own without his help. If he is around it is not guaranteed that he will stick around after the baby is here. Waking up at all hours of the night and taking care of a child is not a game. Really think about what you want to do and go from there. Be honest with your parents, I am sure that they will help you with whatever you decide, but don’t think for one second they are going to be happy about this. You are their baby and now you are having a baby, and you have to not only think about this child’s health and well being but yours as well as your education and what you are going to be able to do to support this baby. It is a lot to take in and it isn’t easy, but these are the things you should have thought about before getting pregnant. Be honest with your parents is all the advice I can give on how to tell them, there really is no easy way…
