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Tag: relationships

  • Dream.Love.Believe.Hope

    Dream.Love.Believe.Hope

    Dreams

    Sometimes we aim for a dream and it comes true, other times we aim and miss. I wanted this DREAM to come true so bad, I wanted it to come alive, for all my hard work to finally pay off. Then the news….. “Sorry we decided to go with someone else.” Life doesn’t teach you how to take rejection, it doesn’t teach you what to do next, or what to feel, or what to do. You take the tears and the pain and you keep moving forward.

    In life we wish for the things we want for ourselves and our family, we dream big and we hope that one day, everything will fall into place. When we are hit with the disappointment of seeing our dreams come crashing down, we are filled with a pain so hard that we sometimes forget how to push that pain away to the side and keep pushing forward. We forget what it is to believe in HOPE. No one ever tells you how hard it is to be rejected, no one ever shows you what to do next. In life, we just do it, we just keep moving forward and we hope that one day, that dream will come true.

    I’ll admit, I was crushed, I felt like I had it on the tip of my fingers, I had this faith inside me that my dream was finally coming true, only to hear those horrible words “Sorry & But”. Yes I cried, yes I felt sorry for myself and yes I almost wanted to just give up. But if I gave up, then what good will that be? I love to write, I love to help people with their problems and I’m not going to give up on myself just because someone else doesn’t believe in me. One day I’ll be everything I’ve ever dreamed of and more. I have people who believe in me and most importantly I believe in me.

    When you start to lose faith in yourself, remember that where ever there is a storm of self-pity, there is always a rainbow shinning bright on the other side. Dream.Love.Believe.Hope

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • We bought a house but I’m not In Love Anymore…

    I'm not in Love Anymore…

    The Question:

    Dear Kristin Nicole;

    I’m 27. I’ve been with my girlfriend for a little over 3 years and we recently bought a house together, last year in fact. I feel like I don’t really love her anymore. not in that way at least. she’s a great person but she’s more like a best friend then my girlfriend. we don’t really have an intimate relationship. when I met her she was a virgin so nothing really happened for a while which is fine with me. but I think because we waited so long it killed those types of feelings for me. I tried to fight through it but it didn’t work and now I’m stuck in this position. I know life is short and I shouldn’t waste my time or hers if I’m not happy, I just don’t know how to go about it. thank you so much for listening I really do appreciate it.

    ~ Confused

    My Response:

    Dear Confused;

    I don’t have to tell you that it would have been wise to really think about buying a home with someone if you were already feeling that you didn’t love her anymore. What’s done is done, now you have to think about the options you have to take. You are still young, don’t settle just because you just bought a house with your girlfriend, if you aren’t in love, you aren’t in love, and it isn’t fair to yourself or her you keep living a lie. The worst thing that can happen is that you lose your home and go into foreclosure, your credit gets messed up for a few years and you rebuild it. But let’s try to avoid that…. First you need to sit down with your girlfriend and really try to explain to her that you don’t want to hurt her but you are just not in love with her anymore. At the end of the day, those words are going to sting right through her. I’m not going to lie, it’s going to hurt her but at the end of the day it’s for the best. After talking to her you need to figure out what you want to do with the house. Did you go into the house 50/50 or did you buy the house alone? If you bought the house alone, then you have the rights to the house and you need to let her know that she needs to move out. Give her a deadline because if you don’t, sometimes the person will try to linger in order to rekindle the relationship. If you went into the house 50/50 you have two choices, either you buy her out or she buys you out in order to keep the house, or you try to sell it. Since the economy still isn’t doing too good and you just bought the house you might not be able to sell it, or if you do you might have to take the lose and move on. If you don’t want to sell, which I recommend you don’t, and hold on to the house until you can make some money off of it, then you can rent it out where the rent can cover the mortgage and taxes etc, so that neither of you really have to worry about paying for the house. I would definitely put away at least two to three months just in case you can’t rent it out. I know this is a lot to handle on top of breaking up but it’s something you need to think about. Be honest with yourself and your girlfriend and tell her how you feel. It is better to do things now then later down the road…..
    Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • 5 ways to communicate better

    Communication is Key

    Relationships can be difficult. They can include a boyfriend and girlfriend, husband and wife, friendship or even a relationship between you and a family member. No one ever said relationships were easy, so how do we try to fix a relationship we feel is irresolvable? The number one rule to having a healthy relationship is simple but you have to be willing to meet the person half way. Are you ready to hear what it is? Communication! That’s right; it’s something we learn from when we were born. We learn to talk and ask our parents for things that we want; this is the first step into communicating your feelings. After that it should be a breeze, right? Many people do not know how to communicate properly, either they don’t know how to speak to others without being rude, they might be too shy to speak, or they might feel scared to tell the person they love how they really feel.

    Have you ever tried telling someone how you feel, only to find yourself speechless? This is normal, many people have felt this way and sometimes not saying anything at all, is worse than actually coming out with how you feel. If you don’t talk about your feelings, it is only going to eat away at you, and eventually it will only lead into an outburst of frustration, which will later lead into a fight. There are all types of ways to communicate your feelings; I have listed the top five ways I found it easier for me to communicate.

    Five ways to communicate your feelings:

    5. Write a letter or a note. – Don’t email the person or text; this is a little more impersonal. Give the letter to the person face to face so that they can read it in front of you, you can then later discuss what you are feeling, but the letter will at least break the ice with bringing out what you have been feeling inside. Trust me this works (this is actually how I started communicating better; it gave me the courage to really say what I felt on paper.)

    4. Choose the right time and place. – Sometimes we are scared the person we are talking to might retaliate and start screaming or acting a little crazy, so choose the right time and place to talk about your feelings. Don’t ever try talking to someone when they are having a bad day, they aren’t in their right state of mind and this may through them off, they might not understand where you are coming from because they are focused on their own problems at the moment. So make sure to choose the right time to talk. Choosing the right place can be essential too, if you want to make sure to keep things quiet, pick a place to talk where they can‘t get too loud with you. This will help keep both emotions inside and talk like two normal people.

    3. Think before you speak. – Sometimes we want to talk about how we feel right there in the moment, but this may lead into fighting, because we might just say things we really don’t mean. In the heat of the moment we are all guilty of saying things we don’t really mean, or we do mean them, but it’s just not the right way to say it. Before talking to someone, try going over in your head what you want to say, cool off a bit and then sit down calmly to talk about what you are feeling.

    2. Listen to the other person. – Sometimes we are scared to open up when the other person is talking to us. Listen to what that person has to say, if they are talking to you openly and telling you how they feel then push away the fear of talking back, take a deep breath and answer them back. More than likely it was just as hard for them to tell you how they felt, so don’t be scared to return the favor.

    1. Stop being scared about what the other person may be thinking and DO YOU. – What do I mean by ‘DO YOU’, well at the end of the day the only person who is going to be there for you, is YOU. Stop being scared to open up and tell the person how you feel. The worse thing that can happen is that it leads into an argument, but so what. We sometimes have to argue in order to figure out a way to fix things. If we never argued in the world, then life would be too boring.

    We can change the world with total communication ~Sharon Sullivan

    When communicating to someone how you feels starts to stress you out, stop and breath a for a second and remember that communicating is the only way to fix what you are feeling inside.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • Life gets BUSY….

    Life gets BUSY….

    So lately I’ve been slacking on Soapnights, there really is no excuse but I just have been feeling very overwhelmed with work, school and my new house.

    Renovating a new house with my boyfriend has taken much more of our time then ever expected. Although we are absolutely loving it and it’s coming out beautiful, it’s a lot of work, time and money.

    Happy New Years By the way…..

    This year we took a trip for new years to a small town called Blairsville, Georgia. It’s a beautiful little town, and getting away from life for a while helped me relax a bit before starting the new year.

    In life we sometimes get so busy we forget to stop and smell the roses ‘so to speak’. I’ve been so busy lately that with a blink of an eye it’s already 2012! When did life start passing me by? I have so much left to do before I turn 30 and this year is going to be my year.

    Let’s start off with what I will accomplish before the end of the year:

    Bachelors Degree in Psychology by June
    Starting Masters in Journalism
    Finish Remodeling my house ~ At least in the inside…
    And…. A few things I won’t say because I don’t want to jinx them 😉

    That’s not such a long list, now is it?

    Ever wonder what you will accomplish before your 30? 40? 50? I really don’t, I live in the moment and I try to focus on what is right in front of me at the moment, but getting older I do start to wonder and think about all the things I should have done by now that I’m still working on. So although this year is going to be busy I am going to make it an effort to write more on my site and if you have any questions or concerns you need advice on, I’m only an email away.

    As for today. Happy Friday the 13th!!! Let’s start this weekend out with a SMILE~

    xo
    kristin nicole

  • I’m pregnant and my husband doesn’t come home…

    The Question:

    Dear kristin nicole;

    I have read some on the stories and comments you gave to other women, and I’m in the same kind of boat and I don’t know what to believe or do. So here is my story please help.

    Me and my husband have been married for 9 months, still newlyweds but have lots of problems. We or I should say I did rush into due to a baby on the way and I loved him and he loved me. So we got married. It was great we were happy. He has a kid from a previous relationship and I do to, but he was great with my daughter, I mean great. That’s her daddy, and especially since her father is out of the picture. We lost the baby I was pregnant with 2 weeks after the wedding. We were both sad. We both want a baby and have been trying since then, but we argue all the time. He says he has no say so in anything the house, my daughter nothing. I just disagree on something and he doesn’t understand. The arguing has got bad over little things. So much that his son doesn’t want to come here anymore. We are both tired of it, he’s even said he wanted a divorce. So to my big problem I found out in November we where pregnant I was so excited because we had been trying and praying, but he didn’t seem too happy. We started arguing about baby names he started saying he had no say in this either, that I’m always downing him and acting different with his son, which is not true. I speak my opinion and I disagree. I do agree I am different with his son and my daughter and I’m sorry for that. For the last past two weeks its been hell fighting all the time. He was getting laid off from his job and I tried talking to him, it wasn’t good enough. He said I act as if I could care less, but I tried talk to him so two weeks ago after a fight about me not caring he left for work and hasn’t come back. His story is he has a new job and there working out of town, he will be home this day. When they day comes its something else his car broke he cant make it. I’ve accused him of cheating being with someone else and he said he’s not with anyone else that he is just working and that he is tired of me accusing him all the time. When I try to talk to him about what I feel and I love him, he avoids my questions or when I ask when are you coming home he gives me a day and it never happens. He wasn’t even here for Christmas and that made me really mad and I went off on him and told him to just come get his stuff I wanted a divorce because I cant take his lying and him not begin here especially with me three months pregnant with his baby, it hurt bad and I don’t know what to. I love him and I want us to be a family, my daughter loves him and miss I him. I don’t believe he’s working out of town. He said he was working today but he always has his son and he told me he was taking him to work with him. That’s BS because you don’t take a 5 year old to your so called new job especially when you say you are building apts. He came home Thursday wanting sex and got some more clothes said he would be back Saturday and like always he came up with an excuse. I do not know what to do. I need help… why would he just walk away after knocking me up and after me telling him we can work on this, that we have a baby on the way and that I don’t want to go down this road. He accuses me of sleeping with people but I love him to much to do that. Bills are behind because of his actions and I just need some advice. Please I don’t want to lose him.

    ~Desperate

    My Response:

    Dear Desperate;

    Sometimes men get scared, and having a child together is a big deal. He may be feeling confused since you have been arguing lately. Try sitting down with him and talking to him. Explain to him how you feel, that you love him and you don’t want to be arguing all the time. You want to make sure he is happy in your marriage. You can try telling him how you feel but if he’s not willing to try, there is nothing you can do. The fact that you are suspicious of him cheating on you and that he doesn’t show up sometimes is not a good sign. You need to try and think of you and your baby at this point, is this type of relationship you want to show your child? Is the type of man you truly want for yourself? I know it’s not easy and you are definitely in a hard position but you have to think about your unborn child now. The most important thing to do is to take care of yourself. If you have family you can stay with, try getting your bills paid and try making a life for you and your child. It sounds to me like you can do better then this guy…. If he was a real man he would stand up and try to make things work with you. If he truly loves you he will at least TRY to make it work.

    I hope I could help. I hope your New Year gets better in time.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • Struggling mind

    My mind struggles to think
    I can feel every aspect in my mind trying to focus
    but every time I close my eyes and try to think of nothing
    I can’t!
    It’s in constant motion,
    constant thinking
    negative thoughts, positive thoughts
    but mostly just thoughts.

    How can you get your mind to relax, to just not think of anything at all. Fully focus on nothing and let your body just relax.

    Some say sleep is a form of relaxation.
    Many people don’t remember their dreams, but I dream almost every night.
    Mostly nonsense stuff that doesn’t even make sense.
    When I wake up I feel exhausted sometimes, feeling like that dream had me running for miles.

    My mind has control of me, my thoughts, my dreams my desires. How do you make it stop just for one second?
    Just stop for one second so that I can breath with out feeling the pressure in my head.
    Stop for one second so I can think straight.
    When I read, I’m thinking
    When I lie there, I’m thinking
    When I dream, I’m thinking
    It never just stops, it never just lets me relax, it never just lets me BE ME!

    It’s like a fish in a bowl, swimming in circles for hours, for days until he takes his last breath. I sometimes feel like that, a routine, work, school, play, work, school, play. It never just stops, I never stop.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    © –written by: kristin nicole — January 22, 2010 @ 10:15 am– Inspired by a dream, stuck in a dream–

  • Is Romance Overrated?!?

    Romance By Definition:

    a. A love affair.
    b. Ardent emotional attachment or involvement between people; love: They kept the romance alive in their marriage for 35 years.
    c. A strong, sometimes short-lived attachment, fascination, or enthusiasm for something: a childhood romance with the sea.

    Is it overrated?!?

    As a young girl, you watch all these movies that make you wonder, is Love really out there?!? Is there really that guy out there that will romance me and whisk me away into a fairytale ending?!? Unfortunately Life doesn’t work that way. There really is no Prince Charming to whisk you away into a castle, and you don’t become a princess over night. However, love is out there, that I do believe. But is Romance overrated?!? Do we expect men to ROMANCE us to wine and dine us until we simply just fall into there laps, giving them all our attention and love, Or do we just want Romance because that’s what the world tells us we want?!?

    My thoughts

    I think every girl wants romance, it doesn’t matter if that movie isn’t real, it just matters that a guy would try to make a night romantic, it just melts a girls heart. It shows how much the man cares or loves the women, and in every aspect in the girls heart, it tells her “He really does care”. To go out of his way, and make this a special night just for me?!? What more can a girl ask for?!?

    There are some men out there that love to be romantic and constantly romance their women. However, there is that guy that just doesn’t see a point to romancing their women if they already have her. It’s not something you do to catch the girl, it’s something you do to show how much you love her, to show that you care enough to think about doing something so unexpected. I wouldn’t want romance all the time, it would kill the idea of being surprised every once in a while. But in a dark room, where your thoughts lie, you always dream about that one night, when the guy will come to romance you in ways you’ve never known.

    Examples

    The intimate setting of rose petals, candles, some massage oils, strawberries and campaign. (Something simple, that I’m sure most women would love).

    I once heard a story about a proposal, it was so cute:

    The story:

    The girl got home from work to find a note from her boyfriend, it said pack 2 over night clothes for day and night and at 5pm a limo will be showing up to pick you up to take you to the airport. Don’t worry about where I’m taking you, just get ready. At 5pm sharp, there was a knock on the door, and the limo driver stood there with one single rose in his hand. He handed it to her and on the rose read a note: “From the moment I fell in love with you, I knew you were the one”. The limo driver took her bags and headed to the airport. At the airport she stood in the check in line and the lady at the counter logged her in and gave her another single rose. The girl looked around wondering how she knew who she was. There was another note “With every day that passes my love for you grows”. She got to the plane and to her surprise she was sitting first class. She boarded the plane to New York, and the flight attendant came up to her and handed her another single rose. Now she was freaking out. She asked if she knew her boyfriend, and the flight attendant just said no, she was just told to give this rose the person sitting in Row A Seat 2. Another note…”I know you are freaking out, but don’t, I’ll see you soon”. She landed in New York and a limo driver was waiting with her name, he took her bags and handed her another single rose with another note that read “I’ll see you soon”. She was starting to get nervous, what could all this mean. She didn’t think he would be proposing considering they had talked about it, but it just didn’t seem as if he was ready any time soon, so this had to be something different, right?!? The limo driver took her to Central Park, and told her to get on that carriage there. She asked the man if he knew her boyfriend and he said please hop on and I’ll take you to him. He handed her a single rose and a note that read “I’ve never known anyone like you, smart, funny, sexy, my best friend”. Has she rode her way through Central Park she saw candles lighting up the sidewalk and at the end of it was her boyfriend with a dozen Lilly’s and roses, as she walked up to him he got down on one knee, her hands began to shake because she couldn’t believe what was happening, he opened the box and told her how much he loved her, he couldn’t see himself with any other women, she was his best friend and he wanted her to be his wife. “Will you marry me”? With tears in her eyes she said YES!

    Now that’s a Romantic Proposal!

    So is Romance Overrated?!? Or is it just something we want to have?

    What lies behind us, and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. ~ by Ralph Waldo Emerson ~

    When you love someone, all your saved-up wishes start coming out.
    ~ by Elizabeth Bowen (1899-1973) ~

    xo
    kristin nicole

  • My husband is not romantic, is it unrealistic to ask him to be more romantic?

    The Question:

    My husband is not romantic, is it unrealistic to ask him to be more romantic?

    For example, we rarely do gift exchange but I would like to, and I told my husband it would be nice if he could sometimes buy me presents. I don’t care about material things, but I just think it’s a nice gesture to do for your wife/husband. And whenever we go out together, I am always the one who initiates, but I want him to initiate too. I feel like I’m always the one forcing him, or making him spend time with me.

    Is it fair for me to ask such things of him?

    ~Asking for Too Much

    My Response:

    Dear Asking for Too Much;

    I am assuming your husband didn’t stop being romantic from one day to the next, you probably already knew he was like this before you married him. With that said, it doesn’t mean that it’s too much to ask for. You have to talk to your husband, communicate to him how you feel and that you understand he isn’t romantic but it would be nice for him to make a little more effort when it came to gifts and going out for dinner. I think it’s important to get each other gifts especially during special occasions, it doesn’t have to be expensive just a little something to show you care. It makes a person feel good about their relationship when you get little surprises, like flowers on a Wednesday. Talk to your husband, tell him how you feel and try to surprise him every once in a while too. 😉

    Good luck
    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • His Religious Parents Don’t approve & I feel Guilty he left home for me…

    The Question:

    Dear Kristin Nicole;

    I am in desperate need of help. I have been in a relationship for few years now. We are both 24, and want to get engaged. In our culture we have to have our parents permission to get engaged and for the engagement ceremony the parents sit down and decide a date etc. His parents had no reason to say no to this relationship (I am as educated as he is, I earn as much as he does, we are from the same culture, same religion, same caste, same well educated family background, as good looking as he is, loves him as much he does me). His parents first made some excuses but then allowed us to date, but when it started getting serious they have been stubborn and blackmailing him (by saying they will die if he moves out and gets married to me) beating him up (I AM SERIOUS. they are beating up a 24 year old guy). They lock him up in the room just so that he cant come see me… torturing him by saying things like the will kill themselves if he gets married to me, that he has forgotten their 24 years of raising him, for one girl etc. His parents even called my parents and abused them and asked them for me to loose contact with him. TALKING and asking for reasons doesn’t work, all they have to say is “we feel that if you guys get married it will end up in a divorce”. His parents haven’t even met me yet and they said no because they feel he loves me so much and I will take advantage of it in future.

    He loves me a lot and he has been going through all this suffering just to get a YES from his parents. (because he doesn’t want his parents to blame me for snatching away their child in future) now he has finally decided to move out after 3 months of painful suffering just because of me. I don’t know why I feel guilty for his separation from his parents! I feel if I never came to his life he wouldn’t have gone through all this **** and crap! Am I doing the wrong thing by wanting to spend my life with him and by making him move out of his house?

    What is the best solution in this situation? I NEED HELP. I have been under severe depression and stress and frustration and I cant take it anymore. I NEED TO KNOW IF THERE IS ANY OTHER SOLUTION???
    Waiting for your reply…

    ~guilty

    My Response:

    Dear Guilty;

    It seems to me that no matter what woman your boyfriend was going to take home, they weren’t going to be good enough for his family. If they haven’t even met you yet, they have no right to judge. I understand that in these types of religions that the parents have a little more control over the situation. (I am not sure what religion you are and the extent of the situation). However, no parent, I don’t care what religion you are, has the right to abuse a child. Locking him up in his room is abuse and that is not to be taken lightly. Your boyfriend is no longer a child but a 24 year old man, and if he chooses to move out of his home, it is his right and his decision. I understand that he moved out to be with you, but you cannot blame yourself for the situation that stands between his parents and himself. His parents obviously have some issues they need to attend to, and your boyfriend needs to stand up and talk to them, explain to them that you both don’t want them to not be in your lives but that they need to understand that he loves you and all the both of you want is for them to give you their blessing and accept you into their family. I know it’s easier said than done, but maybe you need to go together to speak to his parents. Talk to your boyfriend first and explain to him how you feel, I am sure he does not blame you for leaving his house, this was his decision and he is a grown man. Communication is key in any relationship, you can’t hold in what you are feeling, you need to talk to your boyfriend and try to see what you can do together to make this relationship work. Don’t feel guilty, you have done nothing wrong but love your boyfriend….

    Good luck

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    If you need more advice don’t hesitate to email me.

  • Inspiration

    This week…

    So this week I didn’t have many Advice columns, I was inspired to write from the heart, write about life and questions that we sometimes have. I have come across a few people in my life, friends that have come and gone, boyfriends, and family and I know so many people who have the same questions. Sometimes we think we are alone in what we feel, we feel like no one can ever understand us. In some cases no one will know 100% of what you feel because everyone goes through life differently and everyone reacts differently to situations, but just because you go through it differently doesn’t mean another person can’t understand what you are going through.

    Life is a road we all must take, and although we don’t know where it is going, we drive on it anyway, hoping it leads us to that happy ending in the sky….

    Inspiration:

    In life I have met people who have inspired me to become a better person, inspired me to fight for what I want and inspired me that no matter what you may think about yourself or what others may think of you, in the end you will find your way….
    Life has brought a lot of negative things but it’s also brought a lot of positive, loving things. If we dwell on the negative that has happened to us then we will never be able to truly move forward, we will never be able to truly feel the happiness that is out there waiting for us. I can’t say I haven’t held grudges or that I’m perfect, and I am not saying it’s easy to forgive someone that has hurt you, but if we can’t change the past, we can’t change what happened to us then we need to learn how to move on from it. We need to learn that the past stays in the past and our future has so many more possibilities filled with love and happiness. I have to believe that there is more out there for me, just like I know there is more out there for you (the person reading this). Each day I get closer to my dreams coming true.

    Today I am inspired to become a better person
    Today I am inspired to make my dreams come true
    Today I am inspired to believe in the unbelievable
    Today I am inspired to Love
    Today I am inspired to take in the cool air and imagine the possibilities
    Today I am just inspired…..

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    © kristin nicole