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Tag: relationships

  • My husband is away & over protective…

    The Question:

    Dear Kristin Nicole;

    I have been married for 2 months and my husband and I have known each
    other for 6 years now. We have a great marriage, we love each other,
    we are supportive of each other and I am happy with my man. However,
    recently (one month ago) he left to Europe in order to pursue higher
    studies for 6 months.

    Ever since my husband moved to Europe he is being insanely over
    protective about me. He keeps telling me not to go out by myself and
    to take my father/ brother along with me if I have to go out any
    where. He keeps calling me very often in the day- I don’t know if he
    is checking on me or he is actually concerned. If he ever calls me and
    phone is engaged, he keeps asking me who was I talking to on the
    phone. I love my husband and I have never thought about anything but
    loving him and staying committed to this relationship.

    I love my husband and I want to be with him. However, his over
    protectiveness is getting to me, I don’t know if I am over reacting or
    if my husband is being over protective. I tried to talk to him about
    this but all he told me was that, he is concerned about me and I need
    to understand that he is protective about me because he loves me.

    I just want to know if this behavior from my husband is normal. If he
    is being reasonable, how do I train myself to adapt to this behavior
    from him..

    My Response:

    Dear Protected;

    Your husband is away in another country, it just isn’t around the corner, and don’t worry it is normal for him to be a little worried about you and protective, you have only been married for 2 months and then he had to go away for school. Remember he can’t be with you so he may be feeling a little insecure and feel that if you go out alone you may find someone. You and I both know this is not the case because you love him, and he is not going to be gone forever. Six months is a long time but it is doable. Try talking to your husband again and explain to him that you feel a little overwhelmed by his over protection. Explain to him that you love him and nothing is going to happen, that you understand he only cares and loves you but you are also a grown women and you will be fine. Explain to him how you feel and communicate to him how it bothers you that he is constantly telling you what to do and how he questions you about who you may have been talking to prior to his phone call. Just remind him how much you love him and that you will soon be together.

    Have you guys tried video chatting? Maybe this will help a little, at least he can see you and feel a little a closer to you. Again six months is a long time but it is not that long, soon enough he will be back home and you can get back to your normal routine.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • My husband cheated on me with an 18 yr old…

    The Question:

    What do you do when you find out your husband cheated on you?
    I just found out a couple of weeks ago that my husband cheated on me twice with the same girl, a couple of weeks apart, three years ago. We were going through a serious rough patch, having only been married a year, fighting a lot, and I was being stupid and threatening to leave him. He was only 20, and I was 23, and we had a couple of friends that used to come over and hang out at our place a lot, one of them being this 18 year old girl. I thought she and I were good friends, I treated her like a little sister. I found out that she was infatuated with my husband, took advantage of the fact that he was afraid I was going to leave him, and , seduced him with a little alcohol and the whole I’m here and she is not. After the second time, he started distancing himself from her and the other friends, and eventually kicked them out altogether, me none the wiser. He has lied to me about it for 3 years, never telling me because he was afraid of losing me. Should I let it go or not?

    My Response:

    Dear Cheated On:

    Cheating is never tolerated, and even though she threw herself at him, he still had the power to say NO! With that said, men are also weak, this does not mean that what he did is okay by all means, but the fact that he distanced himself from that group and that girl shows he was A. Trying to avoid you finding out or B. He felt really bad and didn’t want anything to do with that group. Either way, he did what he did (although you were having problems at the time, again it still does not excuse what he did), but seeing it in a man’s point of view, I can see why he leaned more towards this 18 year old girl who was throwing herself at him. He was and still is very young, and mistakes are made. I would not condone him cheating and the fact that he hid this from you, but if he really loves you and you really love him and he never did it again with her after that (3 years ago) or anyone else for that matter, than it really is up to you if you can forgive him and move on. The big question is: Can you ever trust him again? If you can trust him and let this go and work on your marriage then do it, if you are going to throw this in his face and be angry with him about this all the time, then there are some hard decisions you may have to make down the road. I think you should definitely communicate about this and tell him how you feel, don’t hold anything in. You deserve someone that won’t cheat the first sign of trouble. He may be sorry but can you forgive him?

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Renew our vows or tell him I don’t love him?

    The Question:

    My husband and I are supposed to renew our wedding vows in a few days but I am not in love with him anymore.? I am actually thinking of filing for a divorce. My husband is really making a big deal of the vow renewal thing, and has already paid for plane tickets for guests to come. We are supposed to have a big party afterwords, sort of an anniversary party with family and friends. He has invested a lot of money in it. Should I just wait until after everything is over before telling him I want a divorce, since he’s spent so much money already?

    My Response:

    Dear Renewing your Vows;

    You should have been honest with him before he spent all that money planning to renew your vows, now with that said, it’s too late, but it is better to tell him before hand than to wait afterwords, there may be a chance for him to get some of the money back on a lot of things. Your husband is probably going to be heart broken seeing as he is the one planning this, but do you really want to stand in front of family and friends and renew your vows to a man you no longer love? How can you live that lie? Step up and tell him how you really feel, he may not appreciate it now, but trust me, it’s better to tell him now than after the renewal of your vows. That is so much worse, he will feel like you really lied to him then, standing in front of everyone and looking him in the eyes only to be saying words that you really don’t mean. Step into his shoes for a minute, and how would you feel? Tell him the truth now, and hope that he can get some money/refunds back.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My boyfriend is 20 yrs older…

    The Question:

    If your dating a much older guy, would you introduce him to your parents?
    Me and my boyfriend have a 20 year difference, both of us are over 21. It’s getting serious and parents would like to meet him. Any advice?
    Additional Details
    We have been together for a year, neither of us are married (know someone will ask).

    My Response:

    Dear Much Younger;

    If you are 20 years apart that makes your boyfriend over 40, this is a huge gap difference and regardless of when your parents meet this guy they probably aren’t going to react the way you want them to. If you are serious about this guy and you have been dating for a year, then I think it’s time the parents meet him. Give them the heads up so they aren’t shocked in front of him. Don’t keep hiding him from your family, you are an adult and you can date whoever you want, they will eventually have to come around and understand. If you fell in love with him, I am sure your family will to.

    GOOD LUCK

    xo
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com/a>

    February 21, 2011

  • What would I have to do to get a divorce?

    The Question:

    What would I have to do to get a divorce? My wife cheated on me after two months of getting married, I know that is not love involved so please don’t hit me up side my head (I know what she did was wrong), please it took me some time to come here an ask for help I’m a good guy and I don’t deserve this. Please can anyone help me… (Modified question to make sense)

    My Response:

    Dear Married for 2 months;

    There are two options, if you want a divorce you can file it yourself by going to the courthouse in your area, and asking them what the process is to file for a divorce, (if you have been married for only 2 months you may be able to annul the marriage, which is easier and cheaper to do). If you have to get a divorce and you don’t want to file it on your own you can consult a lawyer. Get a few price ranges and whoever is best, if the two of you don’t have anything under your name together and no children then it should be fairly easy to get divorced. Sorry to hear that your wife cheated on you so soon after marriage, no one deserves that, just be happy you found out now rather than 10-20 years down the road. Get divorced and move on, you deserve someone who won’t do something like that to you.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Where did my sex drive go?

    The Question:

    Where did my sex drive go? I use to love to have sex and was always ready but after menopause I just do not have any sex drive anymore, what can I do? Advice please….

    My Response:

    Dear Menopause;

    “The loss of estrogen following menopause can lead to changes in a woman’s sexual drive and functioning. Menopausal and postmenopausal women may notice that they are not as easily aroused, and may be less sensitive to touching and stroking — which can result in decreased interest in sex.

    In addition, lower levels of estrogen can cause a decrease in blood supply to the vagina. This decreased blood flow can affect vaginal lubrication, causing the vagina to be too dry for comfortable intercourse.

    A lower estrogen level is not the only culprit behind a decreased libido; there are numerous other factors that may influence a woman’s interest in sexual activity during menopause and after. These include:

    * Bladder control problems
    * Sleep disturbances
    * Depression or anxiety
    * Stress
    * Medications
    * Health concerns” – you can find more information on this SITE

    I would consult your doctor and get advice on what you can do or what you can take to help get your sex drive back. Unfortunately our bodies go into different reactions when it comes to menopause and there is nothing wrong with this. You have noticed the problem which is the first step, now talk to a doctor and see what you can do to get that sex drive back.

    Good luck

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My husband cheated on me

    The Question:

    My husband cheated on me 1 1/2 years ago and then I found out…
    He broke of all ties with his mistress. A couple of days ago we drove past her. The road was busy so we were driving slowly. He did not think that I noticed but when we went past her he stared at her, and for at least 5 seconds. When we went round the bend he looked back again. What does this mean? Or is it nothing to worry about? Was it just curiosity? I mean he said he made a huge mistake and dislikes her very much. Why look then? I think she saw him. What would happen after such a long time if she decides to text him or something? Men aren’t interested in old mistresses long after, right?
    Additional Details
    Not sure if this matters, but we are both 43 and she is 31 and very pretty.

    My Response:

    Dear Denial;

    Don’t be naive, you are a grown women, and your husband cheated on you. This wasn’t some teenage “I messed up and cheated moment”, you are married and he betrayed your trust and your love. Sticking in a marriage after such a betrayal is 100% your decision, but don’t be naive and think that he is absolutely over this women or that he hates her somehow, or that men do not go back to their mistresses and cheat again. There can be many reasons why he ended things with her, one he was caught (you found out), and he realized that he doesn’t want to loose you so he ended things with her, two she ended things with him and you found out about the affair and he wants you to believe that he’s the one who ended it because that would make it so much more powerful and more trusting to believe than if she ended it or it just ended and seeing her that day brought back memories. It doesn’t necessarily mean him looking at her will make him run back to her, or her to him, or that there are any feelings still there, but it could mean that he did feel something and he was thinking about her. Either way, it’s not good, your husband cheated on you and the trust is no longer there. You have to either let it go and keep moving forward (if you aren’t planning on leaving him), or get out (have respect for yourself) and don’t allow him to cheat on you again.

    I think the older we get we tend to hang on, because it’s so much easier than starting over at your age, but no age is ever to late to start over with. Respect yourself, love yourself and talk to your husband about how you feel. If you want things to work then the two of you need marriage counseling, you need to talk out your feelings and try to work on it, if you can never trust him, it will never work and you will live a life full of lies. What do you want?

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My husband doesn’t want to have sex anymore…

    The Question:

    We have been married for 4 years and I am 25 years old and he is 28. I am sure my husband is still in love with me and tries to spend time with me as much as he can, and he is not cheating on me. But there is no sex drive between us anymore, the reason he gave for not showing interest in sex is that he’s got other ambitions to think about and he is not really into the sex any more.

    He was very passionate a year ago, and we had this financial instability for a while and since then it is changed. He cuddles with me and does everything just like in our newly wed days, but its been 3 months since we had sex… can anyone give advise other than going to therapist?

    My Response:

    Dear No Sex;

    If you don’t want to seek counseling I would recommend you first try to COMMUNICATE this to him. Sit down with your husband and tell him that you need to talk about the situation that you are in. Having other ambitions does not drive a man to not want to have sex, something else must be going on here. He is only 28, and I know many men at that age that are still driven as if they were 16 year old boys. 3 MONTHS is a long time, speak up and tell him what you want and what you need. Cuddling is cute and all but at the end of the day intimacy is so much more, and without it in your relationship things can go from good to bad. If you don’t think he is cheating on you, then find out what else it could be. You said that he mentioned he just wasn’t into the sex anymore? What is that about? How can a man not be into sex anymore, he’s only 28 for goodness sakes (Speak up because this is just not a good enough excuse). Most relationships where the man is not having sex can lead to a few different things (not necessarily cheating but it could be an option), he’s stressed over work, (and or you mentioned you had financial problems before) and maybe he’s still stressed over this and it is not totally fixed, this can make him a little too pre-occupied to think of anything else, or he is having some type of difficulty in the bedroom area and he doesn’t want you to know…either way which ever reason it is, it would need to be taken care of. So sit down and talk to your husband, don’t take the “I have too many things on my plate” excuse, we all do, but being together and working together in life is part of marriage.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Is my husband cheating ?

    The Question:

    I checked out our cell phone bill the other day, my husband and I share. He has multiple text messages from a co-workers # (female) back and forth for a couple of hours for several days. They texted on days and hours they are working, but when he is home or off they don’t text. Am I overreacting ? HELP ME…

    My Response:

    Dear Overreacting;

    If the texts are only coming in through out the day and working hours then it is probably work related. They don’t text after or on weekend so it probably isn’t a big deal. Unless you have proof of a certain text then don’t stress too much about it. If you feel that something may be going on then confront him and ask him why his co-workers text him so much. (But I wouldn’t make a big deal out of something that probably is nothing), I wouldn’t look too much into it, unless he’s doing other stuff to make you think that it may be more than just work related. Trust is a powerful thing in a relationship, so trust him and keep moving forward.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Should I get involved with a newly separated (married) man?

    The Question:

    Should I get involved with a newly separated (married) man?
    He left his wife last month but they have been emotionally disconnected for years. He has been waiting for the kids to leave the house to be with me. I never pursued anything until they separated. I don’t want to end up hurt and my friends are telling me not to do it.

    My Response:

    Dear Involved;

    I’m a little confused as to why he is waiting for the kids to leave the house to be with you? How old are the kids? If they are young, then that is going to be a long time, and you have to think of two things. One – if he really wants to be with you, it is understandable that the kids come first, but to wait until they leave the house is to the extreme, if he really wants to be with you he would regardless of the kids, and he would introduce you into their lives. Two – If the kids are much older and almost out of the house, what is the problem?? Again he should introduce you to his kids, eventually being in the house or not they are going to find out about you. As far as him just being newly separated and the fact that he says he’s been emotionally disconnected for years can be him just saying that to make you feel better about the situation. However, he could really be over her, and ready to move on, although if that was the case (Why are you waiting for the kids to leave the house again)? Ask him straight out what he is looking for in a relationship, you do not want to waste your time on someone who isn’t ready to be in a committed relationship. It sounds to me like he might not be ready…
    Good Luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com