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Tag: relationships

  • Just separated, when should I date?

    The Question:

    Recently separated, how long until I start to feel happy again?
    I’ve been separated from my partner of 10 years, we have two children aged 3 and 5. Our relationship has not been working for 2 years now. It was more my decision to separate and due to this my parents are not talking to me. I feel so empty and hate the weekends when he has the kids, I have been warned not to start dating as it’s too soon and will not work out. I just want to know how long I’m gonna feel unhappy for?

    My Response:

    Dear Unhappy;

    It is always going to be hard because of the fact that you have children together, however with that said it has been 2 years since you have been having problems. If you don’t love your husband/partner anymore then you need to sit down with your parents and explain to them how you feel. At the end of the day, you need to live your life, and your parents aren’t always going to be here. They need to understand that if you aren’t happy in your relationship that you are not just going to sit back and stay while you are miserable. I am not sure how long you have actually been separated so I do not know when the appropriate time to start dating should be. There really isn’t a time period that anyone will agree with because of the fact that you have kids. You have to think about them, and you do not want to just bring about any person into their lives. Time will heal, and you won’t always be unhappy, you have to work at being alone, work at getting your life together with out the kids father in your life, repair your relationship with your parents, and when the time is right you will meet someone else. Don’t rush into it, life is short but you don’t need to rush into something you don’t think you are ready for. If you feel that you are ready to date, then go for it, I just wouldn’t bring the next guy around your kids unless it starts to become serious. Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My husband hurts me when he rejects me

    The Question:

    How do i tell my husband he hurts me when he rejects me?
    I’m 37 weeks pregnant and I know that sex at this point wont hurt the baby, only possibly encourage labor. The doctor has given the go-ahead and even recommended it. Four months ago my husband says that sex with me “isn’t the same”, which makes me feel so unappealing and fat that I cry almost constantly. It’s been so long and I know I have to wait at least 6 weeks after the delivery to have sex. It hurts me to think that the one man who should always be attracted to me just isn’t. I don’t know how to talk to him about these things because I don’t want to hurt him. He has always tried so hard to make me happy. I know he masturbates almost everyday and I also know he’s not thinking about me when he does, how do I confront him about this? I really need help!

    My Response:

    Dear Feeling Rejected;

    I know it’s hard but maybe your husband is just feeling a little awkward about having sex with you when you are almost ready to give birth, and even before that, it’s strange for some men to enjoy sex when they know their child is inside the mother. Some men do not know how to handle it or go about it and so it may feel like he is not attracted to you but maybe he just does not know how to proceed with the current “situation”. Talk to your husband and tell him how you feel, and tell him that you want to have SEX! Don’t be ashamed, you are not fat, you are pregnant, and once that baby comes you can get back into shape and be your self again. Don’t worry about hurting his feelings, you are the one pregnant with your emotions everywhere, if anything maybe he is scared to hurt your feelings, so tell him how you feel and remember don’t ever be ashamed to talk to your husband, I am sure he loves you very much.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • The ‘SEX’ Talk…

    The Question:

    Imagine that you are a parent and you find out your teenager is sexually active. How might you handle this situation? Would you prefer to know or not know?

    My Response:

    If I were a parent and found out my teenager was sexually active I would first take a breather, contain my thoughts and find a way to bring up the subject with out lashing out or pushing the teenager away. Teenagers are very sensitive and they tend to get shy around the subject of sex, especially with a parent. I would start talking to them at a young age so that I did not need to find out my teenager is having sex after the fact. I would be honest with them and I would tell them the consequences and actions sex has between a man a women, and I would ask them that when they were ready to have sexual intercourse to come to me and we would talk about protection. If I found out after the fact, I prefer to know about it so that I can talk to them and either buy my son condoms and talk to him about it, or if it was a girl, get her on birth control pills and also talk with her, because birth control pills only prevents pregnancy not sexually transmitted diseases, it is important to talk about all aspects of sex.

    In today’s society we forget that teenagers learn a lot at a young age, not only in school but in the media, blogs, magazines and more, but are they learning the right things? We need to be open about sex, it’s natural and there is nothing to be scared of, but if you rush into things and you aren’t careful, your life can change forever.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    ~I got this question from my Human Sexuality Course I’m currently taking~

    Love to hear your thoughts. xo

  • My hubby has self-esteem issues…

    The Question:

    My hubby has self-esteem issues………what can I do!??!?
    Me & my hubby have been married since 07/2005……he has gained some weight recently & I have noticed that he wears his shirt 2 bed…….wont go shirtless & won’t take the shirt off during sex. He is constantly telling me he is “fat” & if he grosses me out!! Uuhh of course not!! In the contrary I still get turned on!! I’m constantly telling him how hot he is & hot much he turns me on but it doesn’t seem 2 work……..(sigh) what else can I do?? Eeeekkk I don’t want him 2 B feeling this way…

    My Response:

    Dear Wifey;

    I tell couples all the time, communicate, communicate and Communicate. Sit down with your husband and tell him that you have noticed that he has been feeling a bit cautious about the way he looks. Tell him again how much you still find him attractive and if he’s feeling insecure with his weight then try working out with him and try cooking healthier, try making him feel better about himself and just support him. Tell him what you said in your post…. Tell him how attractive he is to you and how you do not want him feeling this way, tell him how much you love him. A little encouragement goes a long way.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Have you ever felt this way after a proposal?

    The Question:

    Hello, so I just wanted to know why I might feel this way after a proposal, so yesterday my boyfriend of 9 years (I met him when I was 14) proposed and I said yes but now I feel so nervous I’m just scared of planning or doing anything wrong so I just wanted any advice in how I could over this feelings? And did you ever feel this way? Thank you….

    My Response:

    Dear Engaged;

    You are still young and you met your boyfriend at a very young age, nerves are natural. There isn’t much anyone can say or do to make you feel better, you just have to take it easy and relax. Don’t worry so much about the wedding and take your time, there is no rush to get married tomorrow. If your nerves are beyond just feeling a little scared about marriage than just make sure that you really want to marry your boyfriend and you didn’t just say yes because you haven’t been with anyone else. Marriage is an important part of life, and it shouldn’t be taken lightly. Make sure this is what you want, if it is, then the nerves are natural, again just relax, have your family and friends help you plan the wedding and have fun with it.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My Mom is cheating on my Dad.

    The Question:

    I am in my 20’s and my parents have been married for over 30 years. We recently found out that my Mom has been seeing her high school sweetheart. We were all in shock and are trying to work through this. I invite my Dad over my house twice a week and make sure I talk to him everyday b/c he is very depressed. My Mom keeps seeing this guy and will not stop. The guy is a loser and even her parents said this guy is trouble. She is not the same person I knew my whole life. I have not talked to her since Christmas because she makes me so mad. But I need help in helping my Dad. I want to make sure that he lives a happy life and make sure that he knows everything will be ok no matter what. Does anyone have any advice on what to do in this situation? I know he just wants his wife back. Please help. Thanks!

    My Response:

    Dear Stuck in the Middle;

    I know it must be hard and you are stuck in a hard situation, the truth is all you can do is keep inviting your dad over, calling him everyday and being there for him. Give him encouraging words and although it’s your mom, he deserves to know that he deserves better than what she is doing to him. I would say to stay out of it, your father is a grown man and he needs to confront your mom and talk to her about what is going on, leave her if that is what he must do. It is never easy especially after being with someone for so many years, but he deserves more from her. If you absolutely feel you have to get involved than sit down with your mom, find out what is going on in her mind that she would do such a thing, maybe this is a mid-life crisis thing or maybe she just wasn’t happy in the marriage (it might be hard to hear but be prepared to find out that perhaps your parents weren’t always happy together). Our parents always try to make it look like everything is okay (for our sake) but things can be going wrong deep down under the surface we never knew about. Talk to your dad too and tell him that you are there for him, tell him that he needs to stand up for himself and he needs to either get his wife back or move on because he deserves only the best.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My boyfriend isn’t ‘the one’, should I leave him?

    The Question:

    I’m a 32 year old woman and I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and we were friends for years before that. He is a great guy, we get on well and we are really well matched in many ways. My concern is that I don’t think I love him and I feel in my gut that we are not meant to be together in the long-term. I feel strongly that I don’t want to commit to him. However, I’m also scared to leave him because I know he’d make a great father and partner/husband (although I don’t see myself marrying him). I guess I feel he may be my only chance (at my age?). Question is: am I just afraid to grow up and settle down or would I just be settling for the wrong guy if I stayed? I’m scared of making a massive mistake either way.

    My Response:

    Dear Not In Love;

    I think you already know the answer “He is a great guy, we get on well and we are really well matched in many ways. My concern is that I don’t think I love him…” You have already spent the last 5 years with someone you already know you don’t want a future with and it isn’t fair to lead him on into thinking that his future might be with you. Be honest with yourself and with your boyfriend, it might hurt and it’s hard to move on and find someone else but at the end of the day you both will be happy that what you did was the right move to make. Marriage is a very big commitment and it isn’t something you should ever get into just because “he or she might be a great parent”. You are still young and there are plenty of other men out there, don’t keep putting it off and spending more time on a relationship that you aren’t truly happy in. Don’t ever settle to just settle, settle down because that’s the person you truly know you want to spend the rest of your life with. Sit down with your boyfriend and tell him how you feel, move on and find someone you are truly in love with and can have a future with.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Should I tell him that I suspect he is still cheating?

    The Question:

    I am 58 and my husband 45 we have been married 23 years have a daughter who is 21, last year of University. I found out 5 years ago that he was cheating with someone at work. At the time we were not getting on, don’t know if it was because of her existence, but he was always angry with me and very critical of everything I did. We stayed together, me because at my age I didn’t want to go looking for anyone new and was scared to be on my own. Besides, I had to think of my daughter who was studying and needed both our support. Him? I am not quite sure whether it was because of the money, as he would have had to lose half or maybe more of everything or whether because he felt bad abandoning us. He kept saying that it wasn’t because of the other woman but he wanted to be free. For the past 2 years I couldn’t have wished for a better husband. His attitude to me has changed. We hardly argue and spend lots of time together. Although I don’t tell him I love him, he tries to tell me in a jokey way, but I must confess I don’t completely trust him and am wary of his motives. Last night I asked to borrow his pen and was surprised that it was the kind of pen a woman would choose, it had Treasure written on it. I asked him where he got it from and he said he had bought it for himself. I know that this isn’t the kind of thing he would buy and he is so mean with money, he would never buy his own pen when there are lots of pens around the house he could take. I don’t know if I should spoil our present harmony by telling him that I suspect some woman has bought it for him. I know I am being childish, but can a person really change so much and what would make him change so?

    My Response:

    Dear Stayed;

    I know it must be hard to move on from a marriage after such a long time and especially when we get older we feel like it’s harder to move on and find someone else so we settle to be in a relationship were there is no longer love, where we truly aren’t happy and for what? For comfort for security and for the children, but at the end of the day, the children move on and gain their own lives and then you are stuck in a relationship that isn’t even there anymore. Don’t be afraid to talk to your husband, you probably did not really talk about it the first time around, and if you suspect him of cheating on you again, you deserve to know the truth. Whether you stay with him or not is going to be your decision. However, since you stayed with him to begin with after finding out he cheated on you, and you know you will continue to stay with him again if he’s cheating on you again, then what is the point in finding out if he is or isn’t with another women? Communication is key in any relationship and I am getting the feeling that the two of you haven’t communicated in a long time. Be open with your husband if you want things to work, if you still truly love him then find a way to make it work. I haven’t been in your situation but I am the type of person that no matter how hard it may be, I think I would have left, because self respect is more important to me than comfort and security. Being Afraid to move forward is a fear that takes over us, a fear that ends up controlling our lives, but at the end of the day you are the only one that can control that fear and stand up for yourself and say “Enough is Enough”. If you don’t really want to know the answer (behind the pen) then try to move on and forget about it, if you feel you can’t and you really need to know then sit down with your husband and be honest with how you feel.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Need help with being insecure?

    The Question:

    I was with my ex for 4 years and he finished it with me for no reason and he moved on very quickly which made me move on quickly too. I am now with a bloke which I have been with for about a year and a half. Lately I feel so insecure around him. He lives with a house mate and he has a girlfriend. I keep thinking my boyfriend likes her. My boyfriend is 27 she is 18, but he always seems to be interested in her. He never used to be like that with her, and he always seems to be looking at her. I don’t know if there’s anything in it but its making me moody with him. He doesn’t know I’m insecure and I don’t really want to say anything to him. HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP now every little thing he says to her I seem to be analyzing! He did say the other day she has an attitude, and he would never speak to her if she wasn’t with his mate, but the other night she went to bed and he said “ah your going bed are you” she was like yeah I’m tired and I got college tomorrow. He was like “oh ok” & I was thinking SO WHAT IF SHE GOES TO BED grrrrrrrrrrr …. Do u think I’m looking into it too much??

    My Response:

    Dear Too Much;

    Let me get this straight, the 18 year old girl is your boyfriends roommate? Yes you are definitely looking too much into it. First it’s your boyfriends, friends girlfriend, it is not like they are alone most of the time together and second asking her if she is going to bed, is just plain old conversation. I know it’s hard sometimes to not feel insecure after a breakup, especially since you were with your ex for such a long time, but remember this boyfriend is not your ex so try to remember that whenever you feel a little jealous. You have to trust your boyfriend, without trust the relationship won’t grow. If you start seeing something you really don’t like, (like them flirting or playing around) then confront your boyfriend and tell him you feel uncomfortable when he does that with her, but if they just have regular conversations together, yo have to remember this is your boyfriends roommates girl and they are going to have to talk to each other since I am sure he see’s her often there. Try to relax and know that he’s with your because he loves you. I am sure you are a beautiful girl and your ex doesn’t know what he lost, you have moved on so don’t bring that baggage with you into this relationship, remember this is a different relationship and if you do feel a little insecure talk to your boyfriend, but don’t over analyze everything he does, he’s probably just being friendly to her because it’s his friends girlfriend.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My spouse no longer wants Sex…

    The Question:

    What would you do if after having children, your spouse no longer wanted a physical relationship?

    My Response:

    Dear Not Getting Any;

    Communicate, Communicate & Communicate. Talk to your spouse ask them what is going on and why they have been distant. A physical relationship is very important in marriage or even if you are just dating. I am not sure if this question is coming from a man or women, so I’ll answer two different possibilities. If the husband is writing this, I can say that perhaps your wife is suffering from some sort of depression, sometimes after having children women can fall into postpartum depression (this can result in lack of sexual feelings), talk to your wife and a doctor to see what you can do. If this isn’t the case it can be that there is something else going on and unless you don’t talk to her you aren’t going to get the answer. If this is the wife then I can say that perhaps your husband is feeling overwhelmed, either with the children (not sure how old they are) or perhaps at work and it is taking his mind off the physical aspect of the relationship, not to say this is a good enough reason, but everyone reacts to things in life differently. Sit down with your significant other and find out what is bothering them. Without a physical relationship in a relationship, it can cause a lot of tension and that is not good for any relationship.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com