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Tag: relationships

  • My husband and I want a child & a career…

    The Question:

    My husband and I want a child and a career, is it possible? We do not see a “perfect” time to have one due to age, finances, careers, ect. pls help! I am 31 and my husband is 37. I have 3 yrs to complete my nursing degree. He HATES his job, and will take the opportunity once I finish to change careers. Our money is extremely tight. My husband does not want to have children past the age of 40, and he already has a 5 yr old daughter. I wanted to be a stay at home mom when I had a child, but due to my husbands strong desire to change careers, I don’t believe that is possible. So, I will have to have a baby during nursing school or not have one at all. That sounds terribly stressful, however is it REALLY worth giving up my desire to raise a child with my amazing husband? I need some advice from people with children and those who chose not to have them. How did your decision affect you later in life? Thank you in advance for your help!

    ~Confused and frustrated~

    My Response:

    Dear Confused and frustrated;

    I don’t have children but I can tell you that all my friends who have them don’t regret not one moment about it. I can understand where you are coming from though, I am finishing up my Bachelors degree and I couldn’t imagine working full time, finishing school and having a baby right now, however, with that said, if your dream is to have children, then go for it. It might not be the way you always dreamed, but if your husband also wants to have a child with you then go for it. No one said life was easy, especially when you add children to the mix, but I have heard only good feelings come with it. Don’t put your career on hold or make your husband put his on hold, if you guys want to have a family and a career then go for it. You also need to sit down and talk to your husband, I understand he wants to have a child before he’s 40 but he needs to understand that you aren’t the same age and although he’s almost there, you aren’t. A few more years won’t make a difference, if you finish your education at age 34 and he changes his career then he can wait another year or two while he focuses on his career and then you can have a baby, he’ll only be a year or two older. Again I don’t know your entire situation, but if he’s not happy with his job now, I don’t see why he has to wait until you finish your nursing degree to change it. Unless you aren’t working and he wants to start his own business then I can understand this, but in the meantime he should think about just changing jobs/careers. He doesn’t have to quit his job right away, start looking for a new one, then leave once you have one lined up. Communication is key, talk to your husband and weigh all your options. If you really want a family together, I’m sure you can figure it out. Good Luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

    Confused and frustrated

  • Should he move on or keep waiting on her?

    The Question:

    Should he move on or keep waiting on her? A friend of mine met this girl online last week and they have were emailing each other quite heavily for a few days. They had a lot in common and were looking for the same thing. They even exchanged a few pics of each other. This guy suggested they meet and said she could come to his place. He gave her his phone number and address. She was fine with that. Ok, then she changes it to a more public place which wasn’t far from his house and he was cool. She hasn’t given him her phone number yet, by the way. Ok, she sets the location, date and the time. My friend said he gets there but she doesn’t show up. Later in the day she emails him saying she was nervous about meeting him face to face but she still wants to talk to him. He said he was fine with that but he senses she may be loosing interest in him. The emails are starting to get less and less from her. He feels that instead of having him sitting there at a gas station waiting on her to show up she could have at least called him to say she wasn’t coming. She had his number but she didn’t even call or even send a text. She could have done that if she didn’t want to meet. Hell, it was later in the day before she even sent her email. They were suppose to meet at 10:30 AM and she didn’t send her email until 4 PM. Should my friend move on to someone who seems a little more interested? I told him not to put all his eggs in one basket and to keep looking elsewhere cause she seems like there may be some drama there she’s not telling. What do you think?

    My Response:

    Dear Friend;

    Plain and Simple: Move on…. This girl is simply not interested or she is way too shy, either way, if you are on a dating site, you know eventually you have to meet a stranger. I can understand her not wanting to meet him at his house, that is a little strange to do on a first meeting (she doesn’t know if your friend is a perv or not), it’s better for him to invite a person he’s never met out in public, the girl will feel more comfortable rather than meeting at his place. As for him waiting in his car for her at a gas station? (Was this the Public Place they were meeting in)? Sounds a little funny, if she’s the one who set up this “public place” then perhaps she just wanted to see how he really looked (not sure if they exchanged pictures prior to this or not) but maybe she just wanted to meet him and didn’t like what she saw so blew him off, felt bad and emailed him back making up that excuse, and little by little has not written back to him so that he can get the point and move on. Some women don’t know how to be straight forward and so they play these small games and expect the man to figure it out. Sorry dude, but “she’s just not that into your friend”. Tell your friend to move on and find another girl, and next time… PLEASE tell him to meet in a public place (coffee shop, diner, anywhere else other than his place or a gas station). Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Would you leave if he still didn’t want to get married after 6 years together?

    The Question:

    Would you leave if he still didn’t want to get married after 6 years together? My partner and I have been together for 6 years. Prior to starting our relationship we were good friends for 5 years. We currently have three children together.

    He has given me mixed messages about marriage since I was pregnant with our first child. At times he would say that he did want to get married but most of the time he would get angry any time the word marriage was mentioned and use a range of excuses.

    Lately I have demanded that he give me a straight answer and he has told me that he doesn’t want to get married to me because our relationship has been terrible for the entire 6 years. Should I leave? Does it seem so stupid to be with someone that thinks that?

    My Response:

    Dear 6 years;

    The question isn’t really should you stay or leave because it’s been 6 years, but the fact that he told you straight out that he doesn’t want to get married and that your relationship has been bad for the last 6 years seems like a clear sign that this guy is never going to fully commit. Don’t sell yourself short, if what you want is marriage, don’t stick around hoping that he changes his mind. More than likely if he says he doesn’t want to get married, then he doesn’t. You already have 3 children together and perhaps the first sign was when you were pregnant with your first (in which he didn’t want to get married). You are now stuck with him for the rest of your life, whether you like it or not, but do you want to be in a relationship that isn’t filled with love, and is only filled with (whatever it is he’s holding inside of him)? You deserve someone who loves you to the fullest and someone who will want the same things you want in life. If this guy after 6 years doesn’t want what you want, and is being honest about not wanting those things, then you have a decision to make. Either stay with him, and be unhappy that you are never going where you want to go with this guy, or get up and move on. It isn’t going to be easy but you have to do what is right for you and your children.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My wife laughs at me because I am fat…

    The Question:

    I get very emotional, I am 5’6 285lbs and when we are around friends my wife makes jokes. I do eat a lot but her making fun of me does not help. She actually made me cry and I don’t cry…What should I do?

    My Response:

    Dear Emotional;

    Sit down and talk to your wife, communication is key. If you don’t tell her how you feel, she may never realize that when making jokes about your weight in front of other people really bothers you. If you are unhappy about your weight then join a gym membership or jog around your neighborhood for some cardio exercise. Don’t ever let another person put you down about your weight, not even your wife, if you don’t like it, stick up for yourself and do something about Realizing that you are eating a lot is a good start, start eating healthier snacks and make a change.

    xo
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Is my husband ashamed of me?

    The Question:

    Is my husband ashamed of me? I love my husband very much and we have been together 3 years now. I have put on 10 lbs since we have been together I feel so fat. I used to weigh 110 lbs now I weigh 120 at 5’9 I feel like a cow and he never takes me out anymore. He also doesn’t answer my phone calls or texts anymore when he’s away. I want to lose the weight so badly to make him happy, I would do anything even starve myself. What can I do to make him love me again?

    My Response:

    Dear 10 pounds;

    If your husband is not giving you the attention you need I don’t think it is just because you gained 10 pounds, and if he is ignoring you and not taking you out because of it, then that is not true love. You need to be happy with yourself, don’t ever starve yourself or “do anything” just because the person you love is not there for you. Loose the weight if you want, but do it for you (to make yourself feel better). I can’t imagine that you are “fat” if you are 5’9 at 120lbs. I think the problem here goes deeper than just a few pounds gained, sit down and talk to your husband and get down to the core of what is really going on with him. If he’s that superficial and it really is that you gained 10 pounds then you need to work on that with each other. Start eating better and go to the gym, but this shouldn’t be a reason for the way he is acting with you. Again COMMUNICATION is KEY! Talk to your husband and tell him how you have been feeling, if he wants to work on your marriage he will, and if he doesn’t, then there might be some hard decisions you may have to make. LOVE YOURSELF first, and no matter what any man says or does, remember you are perfect the way you are, don’t ever put yourself down just because a man is acting like a dumb a@# and don’t ever starve yourself to loose the weight, just eat right and exercise, it’s only 10 pounds.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answres.Yahoo.com

  • Can you stop loving someone?

    The Question:

    Do you believe that we can stop loving some one we used to love?
    She said she was in love with me but now she is not…….. how ??

    My Response:

    Dear Lost Love;

    I do believe that we can love someone and one day not love them anymore. Sometimes we think we are in love or that we love someone but we sometimes grow apart or realize that the person we thought we loved wasn’t the person we really wanted to be with. We can sometimes even not want to be with someone anymore and it doesn’t necessarily mean we don’t love that person, it just means we don’t want that kind of relationship with them. Love is hard and it doesn’t always make sense, she could have been confused or thought she loved you or wanted to try and love you but just realized she really didn’t. It is better that she was honest with you rather than have you there believing that she still loved you. I know it’s not easy, but move on, find yourself someone who will love you.

    Good Luck

    xo
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • I left my husband today…

    The Question:

    I feel weird… its been a long time coming. My husband wants to live in Australia and he does already. I want to stay in England with our son. I also don’t like the way he treats me so I called it quits. Anyway it went surprisingly well. He was fine with it, and said that he would come visit my son when he can. He was so nice to me and he’s never that nice. Its made me feel really guilty. I’m not going to change my mind on t love me to bits. I’m not going to change my mind on this although I love him to bits. I just don’t want to live in Australia and he wont live in England. Why was he so nice and how do I get past this upset weird guilty stage?

    Before anyone judges me it was the best thing to do for my son as my husband was violent at times…

    My Response:

    Dear England;

    I’m going to skip right to the part you said “your husband was violent at times”. If this was the case, then it’s more than just not wanting to move to Australia with your husband. If your husband was abusive then it is better to have gotten out of the marriage now rather than later. If you are choosing not to move just because you don’t want to leave home (England) sometimes we have to make sacrifices to keep our family together. Again if he was violent with you, then there is no reason for you to feel guilty for staying in England. You have to do what is right for you and your son, and it is better to leave an abusive relationship than to stay in one. You say that you still “love him to bits”, if your husband is abusing you it isn’t right, and you shouldn’t love anyone who can hurt you that way. What you are doing is better than being in an abusive relationship. If your husband is being nice, he may just be trying to get you to forgive him and move to Australia with him. Stick with what you believe, and if he is violent, I wouldn’t allow him to have visitation rights with your son alone, make sure you are always there with him.

    Good luck

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My husbands abusive & I have a 4 mo. old baby…

    The Question:

    Help please Marriage problems……?

    So to start it off I am almost 20 and my hubby is 31 and I have a 4 month old baby and we have been married for 13 months. Our marriage is on the rocks we don’t have good communication we are always arguing everyday, I am not happy in this marriage my husband is CRAZY and when I say crazy I mean it; he is the most abusive person I have met. If I say anything he wont like he will go OFF and throw anything in front of him! He hits me in public, like just today he bashed me in the car while he was holding my baby girl and all I said was that my girl will choose what she wants to be when she grows up and I know it wont be something bad and he’s like no she will be a religious person she will be a religious lecturer and she wont choose I will! I am so fed up I hate his narrow minded thinking…..he tells me he loves me but does all this =/ I am sooooooooo belittled he says I am fat and to loose weight so that we can have sex! We haven’t done it for 10 months but sex is not the issue its his anger and narrow minded thinking I am soooo emotionally wrecked I feel like killing myself but then think of my baby girl and I cant leave this world and leave her with him! He wants this perfect wife who is slim beautiful and bows down to him who listens to everything he says and doesn’t say a word, he’s just kidding himself!!

    He’s changed my personality, my thinking, my mental state, and I have ZERO self esteem and no confidence and my family hates me and him they haven’t seen me in 3 yrs and I haven’t talked to anyone in my family for 2 years. I am going to go mental I don’t know what to do….

    Additional Details
    I am still trying to make this marriage work because I don’t want my baby girl to grow up without her dad. I didn’t have my dad half of my life and it sucked! Please help….

    My Response:

    Dear too young;

    You need to take a breather, and relax for a moment, what you are going through is something no person should have to withstand. Stop and think about not only yourself but the life of your daughter. You don’t want your daughter growing up with out her father, but do you think it’s okay for her to grow up with a father who abuses her mom and most likely will abuse her one day too? I know it wasn’t easy for you growing up without a father, but it’s better than growing up with one that is abusive. You need to have respect for yourself, don’t let him put you down and don’t let him abuse you any longer. Have the courage to pick up the phone and talk to your family, I am sure if you talk to them and let them know what is going on they will help you. If they don’t want to help (which I don’t see why they wouldn’t), then you need to be stronger than you will ever have to be for your baby. Get out of that marriage and save yourself and your child from more hurt and pain. It is never OKAY for a man to put his hands on a women and belittle her in front of others. You are still very young and you have your whole life ahead of you, take action and get out now.

    There are support groups for abused women and if you feel that you aren’t safe leaving, call the police, get the help you need to get out of that abusive relationship and save yourself and your daughters life.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • How do you keep the romance going when you have children in the house?

    The Question:

    How do you keep the romance going when you have children in the house? I would love to keep the romance going in my marriage, but it is a little more challenging since we’ve had a little girl (almost a year old). He’s away on business quite often as well, which makes it even more challenging… any ideas?

    My Response:

    Dear Romance;

    I know it’s hard because you are probably very tired since you are dealing with a one year old all day. However, just because you have a child in your house doesn’t mean the romance needs to stop. When your husband comes home from a business trip surprise him with dinner, put the baby down to sleep early and light some candles in your room and (well I don’t think I need to elaborate the rest) 😉

    If its a normal day, just make sure the baby is sleeping in her own room (I am not sure if the baby sleeps in your room with you guys, but if she does then that needs to stop.) A baby in the bed is what causes most marriages to have problems, sex is very important and you can’t let that flame die down. Spice it up, maybe get a babysitter and go out for the evening together, get a hotel for a few hours (if you can afford it), if you can’t, maybe act like a couple of teenagers and do some fun stuff in the car. When there is a will there is a way.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My wife cheated on me years ago, now she’s emailing old Bf’s…

    The Question:

    My wife cheated on me years ago, then I caught her emailing old boyfriends recently…It has been a rough 20 years of marriage. Her family is a bunch of crazy lunatics that have caused so
    much chaos in our lives and also caused it to her brothers family. I know her family bad mouths me to her all the time.My question is: by their constant badgering of her did they cause her to forget her vows and if she has done this so many times and her family is so negative about me then why is she still staying here?

    My Response:

    Dear Blame;

    Stop blaming your wife’s family, your wife’s crazy family has nothing to do with her actions. Your wife chose to cheat on you and she is now choosing to write emails to her ex boyfriends. I can understand that dealing with a crazy family isn’t easy and it doesn’t help the situation if they are bad mouthing you to her all the time, but she has been with you for 20 years for a reason, and if her family hasn’t broken you up by now, it is more than likely that isn’t the reason your marriage might be having problems now. Stop looking at her family and focus on your relationship with your wife. Sit down and talk to her, find out what is going on and why she is emailing her ex boyfriends. Truth be told, after she cheated on you years ago, that should have been a huge sign to get out. Someone who doesn’t respect the person they love isn’t worth staying with. With that said, you stuck it out and you have made it this far, if you really want to save your marriage find out what is going on with your wife, if you feel she may be cheating on you again, then you need to find out the truth and you need to make a choice on what to do here. Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com