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Tag: relationships

  • Sacrificing dreams for a man, is it worth it?

    The Question:

    I met a guy 3 months before my big traveling trip. This was my dream. I told him my plans since day one and after spending a lot of time together we fell for each other and decided to keep in mutual contact. This progressed into a long distance. Our relationship got stronger and stronger its been year apart, I thought he was the one. I came to realize that I needed to make a choice between my relationship and my trip so I chose the relationship. But ever since we have booked the flight tickets of him visiting me in London then returning home to Australia together we have been constantly fighting for no reason. I thought it was because the long distance that once we can be physically together it would resolve the arguments. Today would be five days before he actually comes to London and he has dumped me.

    His reasons were that I haven’t sacrificed anything, if I loved him then I shouldn’t of left him in the first place and will not forgive me for it. That i haven’t given myself fully, I am holding back and don’t want to be committed. That the love that I give him is not good enough, not the same as the love he gives me.

    I am still in shock. I have planned this trip for ages it was my dream, he knew it all along and I have sacrificed it for the relationship. I have quit my job, quit all my traveling plans, worked my **** off to save some cash for when I get home. Flights were booked, parcels sent home all because I wanted the relationship. I am so confused, who would do something like that?

    My Response:

    Dear London;

    I’m going to make this short and sweet, Love is great but we will never understand why men do the things they do. You did the right thing by traveling and doing what you have always dreamed to do, sometimes we hold back for love only to find out later that the love we held back for wasn’t really ours to keep. I know it hurts and you already moved half your stuff, but you can get that back, stay where you are and don’t go back home, if your boyfriend wants to tell you about the sacrifices you haven’t made, how about the sacrifice he is throwing back in your face (the fact that he was waiting for you), and he could have joined you on your trip.He could be giving you the guilt trip to break up with you because he’s found someone else (it’s harsh to hear but you have to take this into consideration), or he just truly feels that the relationship isn’t going to work. Try talking to him to get closure if you like, but I think moving on and living your life is the best way to go. Keep doing what you are doing, you can’t stop your dreams for someone else, if the other person really and truly loves you, they will follow you to your dreams.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Found out husband of nearly 20 years cheated on me when we were dating?

    The Question:

    I’ve been married for nearly 20 years and I just found out that my husband cheated on me when we were dating with one of my friends for a short while. He says this was the only time he has been unfaithful and that he regrets it and he wishes it never happened. He sounds deeply sorry but I have no idea what to do. I am completely devastated and heartbroken but he is the love of my life and we have 4 children together.

    My Response:

    Dear 20 years;

    This isn’t something you are going to get over in one night, just because it happened 20 years ago. However, with that said, you should move on, you have to trust that your husband has been faithful to you for this long, especially if you have had no doubt otherwise. Talk to your husband and tell him how you feel, don’t hold your feelings inside and work things out. As for your friend, is this still your friend? I don’t know how I would feel about a “friend” not telling me about what actually happened, and holding this secret from me for so many years. Lies always seem to come out, one way or the other. I am not saying you should forgive and forget your husbands infidelity just like that, but if he’s been a good husband and father for the past 20 years then you should find a way to forgive him. Find a way to trust him again and keep that love that has kept you together for the past 20 years alive. It’s normal to feel the way you are feeling, don’t feel bad about how you are feeling and talk through your feelings.

    Good Luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Need help regarding my BF’s Ex…

    The Question:

    My boyfriend of two months just told me that his previous girlfriend is actually one of his good friends that I knew about. He apparently took a long time to get over her. They hang out as a group a lot even after they broke up and remain as good friends that contact each other frequently. She even told him that she liked him again but he said that he was too confused as she had cheated on him.

    She’s very pretty and outgoing, like him, but I’m an indoors person and I don’t share many interests as him. I keep feeling like he should be with her, so I keep hinting to him that I wouldn’t mind if they got back together again. He tells me he loves me everyday, but I just feel so insecure.

    How can I stop feeling this way??

    My Response:

    Dear Insecure;

    First if you are trying to push him to be with his ex, then what is the question here? If you love this guy be with him, if you don’t feel that you have a future move on. If he’s confused then he needs to sort his feelings out and figure out what he wants. There are some ex’s that can remain friends, but I think it puts a strain on the new relationships. I do not think it’s fair for you to have to feel comfortable with them talking all the time and even hanging out, especially after she’s told him that she still has feelings for him. You need to make a choice, sit down and stop feeling insecure, talk to your boyfriend, and if he loves you, you are going to have to trust that what he’s telling you is the truth, and if you feel you can’t trust his feelings, then you will have to make a choice, whether to stay with him and see where it goes or move on now and be with someone you have more interest in common with.

    Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • Is it good or bad have gotten married being a virgin?

    The Question:

    I’ve dated guys before, but never had anything sexually with them bc I didn’t think I was ready or they were the right guy for me. I got married being a virgin, but my husband had slept with lots of girls before me (18) and I use to have trust issues ((sometimes i still do)) And one day when I talked to him about it and asked why did he have so many girls? he said because that’s college? So I said that that wasn’t true because I’m in college too and I don’t do that. Anywho sometimes he says that he wishes I would’ve have sex before him?? because no one wants to be with a virgin girl? so in other words he doesn’t appreciate what I gave him. I still feel bad about it and don’t know what to do. Is it wrong to be a virgin? or not having had sex with lots of people before?

    My Response:

    Dear Virgin;

    I’m going to start off with what your husband told you “because no one wants to be with a virgin girl? ” He married a virgin, so what does he mean by “no one”, and this is not true. There are many people out there still that respect someone holding off until they find the right person. Now a days, many people sleep around and contact diseases and much more. When your husband said that he slept around because that is what you do in college and you felt that isn’t true because you are in college and you don’t sleep around, well men are very different from women. Men usually sleep around whether in college or not, it’s a man thing, and there is nothing wrong with it, don’t worry about the past so much and focus on your future with your husband. He is with you for a reason and married you because he loves you. Personally I think it is good for a man to sleep around a bit before finding his future wife because men need to get it out of their system and not feel like they didn’t have fun with other women before settling down. As a women, many women are having multiple sex partners and in today’s society it seems normal, but staying a virgin isn’t necessarily a bad thing if that is what you truly believe in and if that is what you feel comfortable with. I think it’s good to get to know your partner before getting married to make sure that the chemistry is there, but at the same time as a virgin, you really don’t know any other and so the first time is the only experience you are holding on to. I don’t think a women should sleep around like men do, unfortunately there will always be a double standard there, as a man it’s okay but as a women you are seen as a s**t. If you are having insecure feelings over what your husband said then talk to him. Explain to him that what he told you hurt and that you are only feeling insecure because he has slept with a lot of women and you haven’t slept around. Communication is very important in a relationship, and you need to be honest with your feelings. Your husband should be so lucky to have an honest women in his life. Don’t regret ever what you believed in.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • They want to marry me off but I’m already in love…

    The Question:

    Dear Kristin Nicole;

    I’m in a relationship with my boyfriend for the past 5 years and we decided that we want to get married. My mother knows everything about him and kept saying that I needed to leave him because my dad would never approve of him. (I am from Delhi) I never listened to my mother and I stayed with my boyfriend. I met his family and they all accepted me, then one day my parents told me that they wanted to marry me off. My mom told my dad everything about my relationship and how long I had been with him, and now he is so angry that he doesn’t want to see me, they do not agree with my relationship and say it’s an affair, he is not good enough due to making less money then they do. They want me to leave him but I can’t live without him and I do not want to marry any other man. They said if I want to marry him that I can, but I would have to leave the house and have no relationship with them ever again. My boyfriend wants to just leave and get married and take me away from my family but he doesn’t understand that I cannot just get up and leave them, they are my family, they are the only thing I’ve ever known. My family will be in great pain if I just leave them. I am caught in between and I don’t know who to choose.
    I’m really depressed about this because I can’t bare to live without my boyfriend. Please tell me what to do?

    I also want to mention one more thing here that our kundlis do not match and he belongs to a different caste; and the big problem I am facing is that I can’t run from home thinking that my parents have done a lot for me until now and if I run, how will they face the world? They will die with this act of mine, so I can’t leave my parents just like that; but my boyfriend is forcing me to run from home. I am not able to understand that; how should I handle both sides? I am really trapped in between my parents and my boyfriend. Please try helping me out.

    ~In Between

    My Response:

    Dear In Between;

    To my understanding you are in love with a man that your parents don’t approve of due to him not making enough money (that meets their standards), Religion (because you stated they wanted to marry you off to someone else) and they want you to marry a man you don’t love? You have to choose between your family or your boyfriend who you want to marry? You have been with him for 5 years but your father never knew about it? This is and was your first mistake. I understand that in your religion or culture that it is very different, but communication and honesty is key. You have a big decision to make and unfortunately I can not tell you what to do. You need sit down with your father and mother, explain to them that love to you is so much more important and that you love this man, you want to spend the rest of your life with him but that you do not want to loose your families respect nor their love or relationship with you. Your happiness means a lot and your happiness should mean a lot to them as well. I know that it is very difficult because your father is probably very stubborn and very true to his religion/culture and what you are doing is probably an embarrassment of some sort or disrespect. Unfortunately we cannot help who we fall in love with.

    If you talk to your parents and they are still making you choose then you have to make a decision. Also talk to your boyfriend, explain to him that this is not an easy decision, although you love him and want to spend your life with him, you can not just run away with him and leave your family behind to never reunite with them. You need time to talk to your family first; and to make a decision. Maybe your father will agree to a meeting with your boyfriend so that he can meet him and his family. You said that your kundlis do not match? and you belong to different caste? Is this a religion or this is a horoscope (I am confused)? You may not be able to convince either party to compromise, and this is when you will be faced with one of the hardest decisions in your life. Do you choose LOVE, or do you choose Family. Family will always be there for you, they will always love you even if they are making you choose love over family and they are your family. Love, love sometimes only truly comes around once, and sometimes we have to really think; can we give up everything for the one person we love? Can we give up what we have known all our lives because of love? Love comes and goes sometimes and although sometimes we feel there is only that one true love, love comes in many ways and forms and there is always love out there. This is something you have to decide, but take your time and try talking to your family and your boyfriend again before making such a hard choice.

    Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • Life’s speed bumps

    Life’s Speed Bumps

    In life we get some speed bumps that we can race through with just a little bump on the head and sometimes in life there are speed bumps that you have to slow down with, take your time and go over it, watching things pass by and watching the people you don’t even know race on beside you. Unfortunately life doesn’t have a sign that warns you about a speed bump like the sign above, in life we just come to a slow bump where we know; this is it….this is my speed bump in life…

    Where are we going?

    At my age you start to think about the future. What’s next, where am I going, what do I WANT in life? I’m not a teenager, I’m not in my early 20’s but I’m not old either, I’m just in between trying to find my way. Sure I have some regrets in life; like most we try not to regret, I try not to because we can’t change the past we can only change the future. (Okay, okay I know I sound like a commercial); but it’s true. I don’t regret many things in life, even the worst parts of my life I don’t regret, because it taught me lessons and it made me grow into who I am today. (Which isn’t so bad if I say so myself). The one thing I wish I had more ambition for, the one thing I wish I would have just finished was (if you guessed it) yes School. I’m still moving forward towards my bachelors and I have a long way to go, sometimes I am not even sure what I’ll finish studying, but I wish I had done it when I was younger, I wish I had finished and I would be doing it right now instead of struggling, working full time and going to school. Some people don’t know how tough it is, and some well I can’t complain, I have no kids and some people are full time workers, and full time parents and still manage to go to school and finish. I give 100% respect for those people, because I just don’t know where they find the time and energy to keep going.

    My thoughts:

    Like you haven’t been already hearing them; well my thoughts on this – move forward and keep on pushing. Sure I complain sometimes, and I get stressed and I wish like hell I had finished school or would just finish already because it’s so hard, but I keep going, I keep moving forward and I give thanks for all the things I do have that others don’t. Life gives you speed bumps, some you can go fast and some you just have to slow down, have patience and move forward. This is my speed bump, this is my journey and one way or the other I’m going over this speed bump. I’ll get to where I want to be and maybe one day you’ll actually see an article about me in a magazine
    🙂

    Until next time…

    xo,
    kristin nicole

  • Is this the way marriage is suppose to be?

    The Question:

    Been married for almost 3 yrs and been together for 4. My hubby and I started going to therapy to learn how to communicate better with each other. Plus he is one that holds everything inside and lets it brew not to mention the pure hell his last wife put him through and the abusive relationship that I was in.

    Anyways, therapy was going very good for awhile then all hell broke lose. If I mention one thing about his kids and how I feel disrespected by them or how I feel that they are being handed everything my hubby flips out. We agree on things and then he does what he wants with OUR money meaning we both work full time and both contribute to the bank account. One issue is we are paying for his sons car insurance and not my daughter. Neither one of these kids live with us and both are high school graduates with full time jobs.

    His mother is constantly telling me how the love of his life was his ex and that’s where he wants to be for the sake of the kids. She will also tell my co workers my personal business and then deny she said anything. My hubby says nothing to her, he tells me to let it roll. And that she talks about everyone.

    His kids are disrespectful to me and my hubby claims they are joking. His 15 yr old son told me last week that I don’t make the rules around here, his dad does. And his dad says what goes, not me. This is my house that my hubby moved into. We don’t own it together nor rent it. This same young man told me before he didn’t have to listen to me he only had to listen to his dad, mom and his moms BF because he had the money. Again my hubby said or did nothing.

    When we were planning our wedding. I asked his two daughters and his niece to part of the wedding and he was sitting there when they were asked. About a week later I was talking to his oldest daughter (from another mother) via Facebook or Myspace (the ex wont allow her kids to be friends with me on either of these networks) and we were talking about the wedding. His ex told my hubby that their daughter was really upset because she wasn’t invited to participate in the wedding and wanted to be part of it. I tried to explain to my hubby that she was invited and he was there when we were talking about it. He couldn’t remember that day.So again I invited her and told her what we wanted her to do. She agreed once again. When our wedding came the daughter refused to do anything. She sat there and texted the entire time. He said or did nothing about it after making an issue out of it.

    Now at therapy he says all I do is complain. What am I suppose to do allow his kids to say or do whatever they want while at our house? Leave their messes every where? Only have sex when my hubby wants it? Ignore what his mother says no matter how much it hurts me? Keep handing out to his kids constantly while my daughter gets nothing? And sit and watch Xbox every weekend for 6-8 hrs at a time or watch tv in the bedroom? Not expect to have date nights on any weekend unless the kids mother has plans for them? According to my hubby it seems if I live by these rules then everyone will be happy!

    My Response:

    You obviously aren’t happy, being in a relationship where kids are involved from a previous marriage is always hard, that is why it’s best to date for a long time and make sure that the kids aren’t going to be a problem. A lot of what you mentioned happened right before you got married and you have been married now for 4 years, you need to sit down with your husband and communicate. This is why you went to counseling to begin with (to communicate) so sit down with him and explain to him what you are feeling, explain that things need to change, you need to feel respected by both his kids, mother and himself. He can’t always just take the kids side or they will never respect you. If he doesn’t want to change then you have to really think if this is the type of marriage you want to stay in? You said “According to my hubby it seems if I live by these rules then everyone will be happy!” Yes everyone will be happy, everyone except the one person that matters…. YOU! Stick up for yourself, communicate with your husband and try to resolve these issues, if you let them slide more, it is only going to get worse. As it is it’s already been 4 + years. If you want this marriage to work things need to change, if not you aren’t going to be happy. Respect yourself to know when you aren’t being respected.

    Good Luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

  • My mum is having an affair i have seen letters from another man to prove it what should i do?

    The Question:

    Hey I’m 18 and have a little sister who is 14 and wondered if you could help. Well about a year ago my sister wanted to speak to me about something and that’s when she told me that mum was having an affair because she had seen messages on her phone and she just broke down in my arms and just cried and this has been going on ever since. I dint know what to do so i told my dad about this. Every Friday she says that she goes out with friends for a meal but we don’t believe this and think that she is going to see him. And every time my sister has baton twirling she tends to go out and say that she is either going for a walk or going shopping on her own which is something she has never done. Every time she gets a text she hides it and even takes her phone with her everywhere she goes. But when i manage to get a chance i always have a look at her phone and find messages from him. I found the letters at the weekend which had some awful things on there, and they have been together a year i think in may. And we all know that it is a person that she works with baring in mind apparently he is married with two children just like my mum is. I just feel really sorry for my dad in a way because he has never done anything to deserve this i just don’t understand. I always try to confront her about it but she constantly denies it which i think is one of the reasons that there are constant arguments around the house. My dad knows but will not do anything all he keeps telling me is that he is biding his time. What should i do leave it to my dad or confront her myself, but beforehand when i spoke to her about it she just said that he was a really close mate. I’m so scared to confront her though as i don’t want to break the family up. Please someone help what should i do?

    My response:

    Dear stuck in the middle;

    This is something that no teenager or daughter/son should have to deal with it. This is something your parents have to deal with on their own. I know it’s hard, but you already confronted your dad about it, and he already knows something is going on. I know it’s hard to just sit back and watch all this happen, watch your family fall apart, while you sit back and do nothing. The thing is, no matter what you try to do, there really isn’t anything you can do. Your parents are adults and they know what they are doing. Your mother knows that what she is doing is wrong, but she continues to do it, and go back home and pretend everything is fine, when everyone in that house knows it isn’t. Your dad knows what’s going on but he can be either in denial or he doesn’t know how to approach the situation. It’s hard for a person to find out that their spouse is cheating on them, it’s not easy to take that all in, especially when he has a family to think about. He may be thinking that he’s staying with your mom because of you girls, and that he doesn’t want to hurt you guys, but what he doesn’t realize is, that staying is hurting you guys more, because the both of you already know what’s been going on for more then a year, and you sit back and have to see your dad in pain. Talk to your dad again and tell him how you feel. If it makes you feel better, then I say go ahead and talk to your mom. Let her know that you know, that to stop lying and hiding it from you. I don’t know what these letters you found said so I am assuming it’s hard evidence into your mothers affair. If this is the case, then like I said, if it will help you sleep a little better confronting your mother, go for it. Just know that this may not change things, she may still deny it, unless you catch her in the act, where she can’t deny it any longer, confront your dad, and tell him that you don’t want to live this lie anymore, it’s only hurting your family more. I know you don’t want to break the family up, but know that you aren’t, none of this was ever or will ever be your fault or your sisters or your fathers. Your mom knows what she is doing, and she is the only one breaking up your family by doing this. It’s hard and painful and I am sorry that you have to go through this, BUT sit down with your parents and tell them how you are feeling. Keeping things inside, pretending it isn’t happening isn’t going to make things better. Standing up and saying how you feel isn’t going to make it your fault if your parents separate, the only person to blame is the person who cheated. Be patient, I know right now it feels like things can’t get any worse, and you feel helpless, but life will get better. Good luck and I hope that your family can work things out.

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com