A couple of weeks ago my girlfriend admitted to me that the day before she cheated on me with another dude. I thought about it and decided to stay with her. Her ex is now telling me that she is having sex with him. On top of this my girlfriend and I are planning on having a baby. Can I have some outside input please?
My Response:
Dear Cheated On;
First mistake was taking her back after finding out she cheated on you once. The ex boyfriend could be lying about sleeping with her now, but is that a chance you want to take? Once a cheater always a cheater, okay so this isn’t the case all the time, but it’s a big percentage that she will cheat again, especially knowing you took her back the first time. Now you are planning to have a baby with your girlfriend, (talking about it?) or she is already pregnant? If she isn’t pregnant, I don’t know why you are planning to have a baby with someone that A.) You aren’t married to & B.) She cheated on you and possibly more than once! If she is pregnant already, I would definitely take a paternity test to make sure the baby is indeed yours, and if it is, that doesn’t mean you need to stay with her. Don’t ever stay in a relationship you aren’t being respected in. She doesn’t respect you, if she did she wouldn’t have cheated on you. Respect yourself and get out of this relationship now before you do have a baby with her and you are stuck with her for the rest of your life. Find a girl that will respect you and love you and NOT cheat on you.
Advice Column. Is my husband overprotective? Image found on google.com/images
The-Question:
I think mine is. It’s nice to have someone watch out for you and it shows that he really cares about me but sometimes it gets frustrating. For instance, he doesn’t like the idea of me going to the mall by myself. I know that our mall has a bit of crime and bums hang around and beg for money but even my parents let me go to the mall alone when I was a teenager and I’m 23 now. It’s not that he won’t let me go, he just lets me know how much he doesn’t like the idea and will go with me if he knows I’m going to go. He’s never kept me from doing anything I’ve wanted to do, he just tells me when he disagrees with one of my decisions and says that I don’t see the world for what it is. He says I assume people aren’t going to take advantage of me and that I’m kind of naive about strangers thinking I’m completely safe no matter where I go and I know that’s not true but I guess I have the attitude that “it couldn’t happen to me.” Another example is that when we stop at a store or gas station and he’s just running in to get something and I’m staying in the car, he says, “Keep the doors locked” and he locks them when he gets out. Anyway, my question is, does your husband do this or does he not care at all about what you do or where you go?
My Response:
Dear Over-Protective;
I don’t have a husband, however I do have a boyfriend. I can understand a husband or boyfriend being protective, when you love someone you don’t want anything bad to happen to them. However, there is over protectiveness. Not letting you go to the mall alone and having to always tag along is a bit too much, sometimes we need our space and we need to do the smallest things alone, even if that is just going to the mall. If you don’t live in a safe neighborhood I can understand him being a little more worried about it, but if it’s a good neighborhood then he needs to stop thinking so negative (that every time you step out of the house something can happen to you) if we lived like that we would all drive ourselves crazy. He needs to trust that you are a grown women, you are only 23 but you are married already, you are a grown women and you can take care of yourself. If it makes him feel safe talk to him and explain to him that you will be okay just going to the mall, he needs to not be so protective of you, and if it helps carry one of those mace bottles on your key chain or in your purse. Just because someone isn’t acting like your husband doesn’t mean that person doesn’t care or love the other person some men are more protective than others. As for the locking the doors when he goes into the gas station, that’s completely normal, I think everyone does that, even my mother tells me to lock the doors if she leaves me in the car, and I’m older than you. Talk to your husband and try to explain to him that it’s okay for you to go certain places without him, you’ll be just fine. If this is how it is to just go to the mall, it can get worse for future things, and you don’t want to have that kind of relationship with your husband. He needs to trust you and he needs to trust that you’ll be okay. Always be aware of your surroundings no matter what, and always take your keys out of your purse before you exit the mall or any other store you are in. Being protective of your loved ones is one thing, being over protective and not letting them go anywhere with out them is another. Talk to your husband and nip this in the butt now.
Advice Column. Ask Kristin Nicole. Image found on google.com/images
The Question:
I’m 27 weeks pregnant, living with my boyfriend. He hasn’t done really anything through my pregnancy, so far (like getting a job). His plans were to stop smoking weed this summer and join the navy, because the benefits are good! He’ll get health and dental insurance and they’ll pay his way through college, and our son will get those health benefits, as well. That’s what was most important to me, because I’ll be going off to college within the next year and it’s going to be so hard for me to pay for hospital bills/medication (if something should happen to me or our son) while going to school. Those benefits for the baby would have eased a lot of stress. But NOW, he’s wanting just to go to college. I asked why he changed his mind and he said because he doesn’t want to stop smoking weed. I support any decision he makes to further his education, because that’s better than nothing, but I think that’s selfish on his part. I had to exchange my career dreams for a career that I’m not completely interested in, but can support our family, but he can’t put down the pot? It’s not only that, but he’s trying to go to college in COLORADO. We live in Texas and the thought of him being so far away from us tears me apart.
Question is: Should I support his dreams fully and be positive that everything will turn out okay? OR Is this really something to talk/argue about with him?
My response:
Dear going to be a mom;
You are pregnant and you are about to start a family. Just because you are pregnant doesn’t mean you need to marry the father of your baby, especially if the relationship isn’t so good. The Navy is a big commitment, I wouldn’t push him into going into the Navy just because it has good benefits and health plans, entering into any Government force is a big commitment and in the Navy you would barely see your husband either because they go out to sea a lot of the times, however if it is something he does like and was considering then I do believe he needs to wake up and grow up and realize that he’s having a baby soon. If his plans are to go to college in another state why isn’t he inviting you to go with him? You don’t leave your family behind for college, you take them with you. I’m sorry but it seems to me like he is trying to run away from his responsibilities, and he needs to grow up and realize that he’s going to be a Dad soon, if he wasn’t ready to give up smoking weed to get a job and support his family then he should had thought about all that before getting you pregnant. You have to confront him, this isn’t something you just let go, Don’t push him into the Navy, but he definitely needs to get a Job and he needs to stay close to his family, if he doesn’t want that then you need to make a choice, you need to decide if this is the life you want, is this the person you want to spend the rest of your life with? If the college in Colorado is really what he wants, don’t stop him from going, but there are ways to still be together, you can move over there with him and be a family. As for the weed, he definitely needs to just give that up! However, with all that said, just because he’s the father doesn’t mean you have to stay with him. As for you going to college, don’t give up what you wanted to study, there are many plans the government can help you with especially for a single mother going to school, many grants and other things. Look into it, but don’t give up. You got yourself in this position so now you also have to grow up and take responsibility, don’t rely on a man to get you where you want to be. I hope it works out for you because it’s nice to have that perfect little family (but sometimes it doesn’t always work that way) so if it doesn’t work out that way, you need to be strong for your child, move on, get a job and continue school. But definitely TALK ABOUT IT!
Advice Column: I told him I wanted to have sex but… Photo found on flickr.com
The Question: I told him I wanted to have sex but I’m not sure that I’m ready.
What should I do? We started dating but we aren’t official yet. We sext [sic] and stuff but I told him I would have sex with him this weekend, but I kind of don’t want to because I want us to be something before we take that next step. What should I do? I’m scared he might get pissed off. I’m a virgin by the way and he isn’t; what do I do?
(EDITED)
My Response:
Dear Virgin;
You should definitely be honest with him, especially if you are a virgin. If he really likes you and respects you then he will understand. Sure has a guy he wants to have sex, and he may be a bit disappointed but that’s okay. What is more important is that you don’t just go running into someones bed when you aren’t 100% ready for it. Losing your virginity is important, don’t rush into things. Even if you make things official, wait a little, make sure you guys are ready for that next step. Does he know you are a virgin? If he doesn’t, you should be honest with him. You don’t want to start a relationship where you are hiding things. Remember to always respect yourself and never do anything you aren’t ready for.
Advice Column: My friend is a virgin but wants to have sex. Image found on flickr.com
Advice Column: Virgin vs friends with benefits… My friend is a virgin but wants to have sex with me. Like… friends with benefits. What should I do?
One of my friends is coming over to my place soon and she’s wanting to have sex (amongst hanging out and so on.) I was okay with this and passingly asked how many guys she’s slept with. She replied that other than oral/hands she’s a virgin. Now, I’ve never slept with a virgin before. I know you have to treat her gently as if you were doing brain surgery on the President. I know what to do in order for it to be less painful, but how do I make it an awesome experience for her? I mean you never forget your first time, so I want her to remember it in a positive (insert HIV joke here) manner. She and I aren’t looking for a relationship. Just buddies who have sex every now and then. How can I make it more special without sounding like I’m trying to be romantic after we agreed no romance? I appreciate the help.
My Response:
There is a very fine line that you are playing with in taking a girls virginity. She may say she doesn’t want anything now, but she has never been intimate with someone, so she doesn’t really know what feelings comes with that. I honestly wouldn’t do it. I wouldn’t ruin your friendship on just wanting to have a friend with benefits, especially if she is a virgin. She should want it to be special with someone she really loves and not just to get it over with. It’s nice of you to want to make it special for her, but the best thing you can probably do for her, is let her down gently and tell her to find someone she really loves to have sex with for the first time.
Advice Column: We are both girls and I like my best friend. Image found on flickr.com
Advice Column: We are both girls and I like my best friend. Should I tell her how I feel?
I know I like her, but I don’t know how to tell her. Please help.
My Response:
Dear Gay Friend;
There are many things that can happen with this situation. It depends if your friend likes girls. Is she gay? If she isn’t then this can be an awkward conversation and you can take the chance of losing your best friend.
If she is gay, you are still taking the chance of losing a friend. You want to really make sure this is what you want, before you do it. If your friend doesn’t know you are gay, then this may be something you want to start off with. Think about it before you go through with it, because sometimes a friendship is way more important than trying to date a friend.
Advice Column: I like my brother’s best friend. Image found on flickr.com
Advice Column: I like my brother’s best friend. We flirt sometimes, but I don’t know if he really likes me, what should I do?
My friends brother is a year older than me and I started being interested in him. I started hanging out with his friends a lot more often and I see him a lot. He always smiles at me and teases me and will flirt with me. And tonight his friend stole my phone and to his friend [sic] I was like “omg I’m gonna kill you!” And then my crush was like “not until I kill you first” and he said it really sexually and was really close to me. I really like him. I don’t know if he likes me because when we were playing truth or dare, my friend asked him if he liked me and he said “Yeah sure.. I like a lot of people” and I was like what…? Does he like me, please help?
(Edited)
My Response:
Dear Brother’s Sister;
Going after your brother’s best friend can have consequences. You can ruin your brothers friendship if something were to happen, your brother may not approve or it can work out all for the best. If you really like him and you are sure he’s been flirting back, then just ask him. But make sure you are ready for either answer. He may just be nice to you, and like you as his best friend’s sister. So be prepared if it’s not the answer you really want.
Advice Column: I feel empty after having sex with an ex. Image found on flickr.com
The Question: I feel empty after having sex with an ex girlfriend. Why do I feel like this?
Ok so here’s the deal, I’m 19 and I just got out of this really intimate relationship with a girl about 2 months ago and I have been feeling like garbage ever since. Well about a week ago my very first girlfriend from 3 years ago (stupid high school relationship) came back into my life and we started chatting and hitting it off really well. Well one night as I was driving her home we shared a moment of weakness; I guess and had a goodnight kiss [sic]. A few days later we both agreed that it was inappropriate and we should just stay friends.
So a few days later we hang out at my house and watch a movie, and one thing leads to another, and we have sex. Now before we had sex, we agreed that it was going to just be a hook up with no feelings, and I’m fine with that. What guy wouldn’t right? But now its like 3 days later and I just don’t feel right for some reason, and I don’t know why. I’m not mad or sad but I’m not happy or content. I just feel blah. Anyone want to help explain why I feel this way? And why I can’t just brush it off and move on? We are still friends as far as I know, but should I talk to her about it or just let it go?
(Edited)
My Response:
Dear Sex with an Ex;
Sounds to me like you have feelings for this girl, and you just haven’t admitted it to yourself. If you truly don’t have feelings then maybe you just feel bad because you like the friendship. There is obviously a physical attraction on both ends. Is there a reason you two don’t want to try dating again. People grow and change from high school, so just because it didn’t work back then doesn’t mean it won’t work now. If it’s really bothering you, I would just talk to her, if she’s your friend there is nothing wrong with expressing how you feel. You also just got out of a serious relationship, so this can be confusing to you. Everyone moves on at their own pace, just because it’s only been 2 months, it doesn’t mean you can’t have feelings for someone else. Especially someone you already know and dated in the past. Truly be honest with yourself and the situation. If you feel bad, then maybe it’s best you guys don’t let things get to that level again. Good luck.
Advice Column: My ex-boyfriend left me for a 35 year old. Image found on flickr.com
The Question: My ex-boyfriend left me for a 35 year old girl and we are both 22 years old. What should I do?
My Response:
Dear Ex;
There really isn’t anything you can do. If he left you for someone else then you have to try and move on. I know it’s not easy but everything happens for a reason. You may not see it now but he probably did you a favor. Besides, do you really want to be with someone who didn’t care enough about you. If he left you for someone else, then you deserve someone who wants to be with you and will love only you. Try going out with friends and keep yourself busy. It’s going to hurt, but truth is, there isn’t anything you can do but move on.
Advice Column: She dumped me over an email. Image by: Kristin Nicole
The Question: She dumped me over an email, what should I do?
She emailed me saying; ” I don’t want to see you anymore. I am not able to say this in person….”
Nowhere in the email is she worried about how I would be doing after this, and she didn’t even mention that she’s sorry or anything. Not that I expect this. Anyway, I am really sad and I feel like I was used for the sex. How do I deal with this? It feels so bad. Please help.
(Edited)
My Response:
Dear Email;
She’s breaking up with you over email, which means she is probably not too worried about how you feel. If you feel like things aren’t resolved between the two of you then try contacting her and try talking to her. Unfortunately the fact is, she broke up with you over an email. Do you really want to be with someone who didn’t have the courage to talk to you in person? Relationships are hard, but it definitely isn’t cool to break up with someone via email or text. It sucks that you feel used, but just take it as it is, at least it was fun while it lasted. If she doesn’t want to talk in person and you can’t reach her through email, then just move on. Go out with your friends and have some fun. Take your mind off this relationship and move on.
