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Advice Column: What do I do if I want to sleep with another man?

Advice Column: What do I do if I want to sleep with another man? Image found on Flickr.com

Advice Column: What do I do if I want to sleep with another man? Okay. This is kind of a long story, so please forgive me.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year. I love him very much, but I find myself thinking about another man. My boyfriend is a quadriplegic and I met him after his accident. Although this certainly has nothing to do with how I feel about him, it does make our sex life a bit complicated.

I feel terrible because I find myself being exhausted from always having to be on top when we do have sex and also feeling unfulfilled because we rarely have sex as it’s such a complicated process.

My boyfriend hasn’t told me he loves me yet and it definitely plays into my wandering eye problem. I feel like I continuously do the “man” like things in our relationship and I know it makes him feel as awful as it does me.

It’s so sad because had I known him before I KNOW our sex life would’ve been phenomenal. We have good sex now even though we can’t do everything a normal couple could.

I think the problem is I am just feeling the need to be manhandled and don’t know how to control these urges. Anyway, any advice would be great. No negative advice please. Thanks. 🙂 My Response: Dear wondering eye; It’s normal to feel the way you feel when you are in an uncommon situation. First off, talk to your boyfriend. Tell him how you feel. I am not sure the extent of his condition, but is there a way you can have sex from the side position, just to switch things up? Try buying some toys to spice it up, this can help too. As far as being man-handled, this is a bit tough. If he’s not able to be rough with you at all then this is something you may have to deal with. Talk to him, see what he can do and can’t do. Just because he can’t throw you on the bed and be on top, doesn’t mean he can’t “man handle” you. If this is seriously causing problems in your relationship then you need to sit down and really think about what you want from this relationship. Don’t stay with him out of guilt, or because you feel bad for him. Look at the different options your life will lead if you stay or if you go. If you truly love him, communicate your feelings and find ways to make it work. Good luck. xo, kristin nicole I found this question on Yahoo.com

June 6, 2014
Advice Column: Is it ok if he hasn’t texted me in a day, no kiss after date?

Advice Column: Is it ok if he hasn’t texted me in a day, no kiss after date? Image found on Flickr.com

The Question:

Is it ok if he hasn’t texted me in a day, no kiss after date?

I’ve been dating this guy that I met off a dating site. We’ve been getting to know each other and honestly it’s been going pretty well. No red flags miraculously, he picks me up (drive 30-40 minutes), pays for his share, and we have a lot to talk about. I wouldn’t be surprised or offended if he was dating other people though, his page is still active and so is mine. We hug before/after every date, but he hasn’t kissed me yet. I also haven’t gotten a text today but that’s fine I suppose considering we rarely text much anyway.

Am I beginning to look into things? I’m just worried I could be wasting my time but I don’t want to appear clingy.

(Edited)

My Response:

Dear Clingy;

It’s normal to feel this way, especially since you have just been dating casually and you haven’t really talked about where this is going. If you really like this guy, I would just be open and honest with him. It’s not that you are being too clingy, but the norm of dating is a first kiss and an eventual call or text. He may just not be that into you, but I don’t know the entire situation. Have you gone on more than one date? Has he done this before on other dates, where he doesn’t text you right away? This is a big factor in seeing if he is acting any different. If he’s done this before then I wouldn’t think anything bad about it, and I would just text him and quick hello, how are you? If he normally texts you, then maybe something is going on with him. I would talk to him, there is no other way to get an answer than to just ask. On another note; if he hasn’t kissed you yet, then maybe he’s just not that into you, he has someone else or he’s just really shy. There is nothing wrong with giving off some hints if you want to kiss him. Again, open up and talk to him. Communication is always key.

xo

kristin nicole

I found this question on Yahoo.com

June 4, 2014
Advice Column: Sex with the ex to get pregnant

Advice Column: Sex with the ex to get pregnant? Image found on flickr.com

The Question:

Sex with the ex to get pregnant.

I am desperate for a baby. My ex and I are still quite close and with a little extra push on my part I believe that we could not only resume physical relations but could also get back together again. I am prepared to do this alone if need be, but something tells me that if I manage to get pregnant he would probably very easily come back. My question is this, given that I could potentially put my family back together and get the baby I desire should I initiate sex with him when I am ovulating without telling him? He will obviously be aware that I am looking to have another baby but I just won’t tell him about the dates. So if he has sex with me, then he understands the ‘risk’ but doesn’t completely understand that extent of the risk as long as I timing it right. Right?

(Edited)

My Response:

Dear Ex;

If you want to truly have a baby but you don’t care that you may have to raise this baby on your own that is definitely up to you. There are a lot of single parents out there or certain circumstances a woman has in her life that she chooses to bring a baby into this world without a father present in their life. However; this is a big responsibility and you have to not only think about what you want but you need to think about your future baby, and what is best for him or her. On that note; it is extremely wrong to persuade a man to have sex with you just to have a baby. Does it take two to tango? Yes, but that doesn’t mean it’s okay to not tell him you are ovulating to just get pregnant. If he does fall for this, then he’s an idiot because you should always use protection or contraceptives when having sex with someone. I think that you are trying to make your reasoning behind this okay, but it’s not okay. What you are doing is sneaky and irresponsible. Bringing a child into this world no longer means that it’s about you. If this man is your ex, he’s an ex for a reason. If you want to actually try and make things work with him, then do that. But don’t get pregnant just in the hopes he may or may not come back to you just because you are pregnant.

xo

kristin nicole

I found this question on Yahoo.com

May 23, 2014
Advice Column: He’s flirting with me and my friend

Advice Column: He’s flirting with me and my friend. Image found on flickr.com

The Question:

Is he basically lying to me? Does he even like me?

This guy I like has been showing signs that he likes me and things were really going well. I went out for a walk the other day and we bumped into each other. I asked him if he wanted to come with me on this walk. Everything was really nice and we were really flirting. Next minute my friend rings saying she’s allowed to come over, so I tell her to meet me.

My friend turns up and this guy instantly starts looking her up and down but is still in deep conversation with me. He then starts making jokes about her having sex and that she’s always doing it. I then start talking about something serious and he interrupts by walking past me and picking my mate up on his shoulder. He keeps touching her arm and messing with her hood in front of me like I’m not there. He then start adding her on Facebook and flirting with her. We walk to his house and when we get in he tells me to sit on the other side while they sit together, but as soon as she goes home he’s asking me to message him.

He called me today and I said I’m not going out again and he was like ‘why not? I’ll have to drag you out!’ What is it with him and why is he leading me on and then clearly flirting with my friend?

Please help

My Response:

Dear Confused;

He is obviously trying to have his cake and it too (sorry for the metaphor) but it fits perfectly with your situation. It sounds like you need to talk to your friend first. Does she know you like this guy? If she does then it’s wrong that she would be flirting with him right in front of you instead of trying to help you out. If this guy really liked you then he wouldn’t be flirting with your friend right in front of you. I say move on and find a guy who is really into you and not trying to mess with your head. It sounds like he’s trying to hook up with your friend and then hook up with you while your friend is away. If he really liked you he would have already asked you out. This doesn’t seem to be the case, so move on and find a real man.

xo,

kristin nicole

I found this question on Yahoo.com

May 16, 2014
Advice Column: Does my personal trainer like me?

Advice Column: Does my personal trainer like me? Image found on flickr.com

The Question:

If he likes me, he would call me. Right?

He gave me a personal training session preview and I was pretty much flirting with him the whole time, but it might not have been obvious. I don’t know if all personal trainers do this but he asked to touch my butt for one exercise and I said no because I did not want to seem like a slut but he was touching my back a lot and I’m not sure if personal trainers do this. I didn’t have any money so couldn’t hire him. He probably does not like me but I wrote down my email and number on the form. I think he can call it if he wanted to ask me out. It would probably be dumb to ask him, but I don’t want to come off as slutty or desperate.

(Edited)

My Response:

Dear Working Out;

Personal trainers at times may hold your back or ask to support you depending on the exercise. This does not mean that the trainer was flirting with you. Some personal trainers will flirt with their clients in order to try and have them come back, that can be normal for any man. If he wasn’t flirting with you back, I am not sure what the question is. Why would he call you if you didn’t get that vibe from him? If you left your information, for him it was merely business. I am sure a lot of girls flirt with him as he’s training them. If you like him, that is up to you whether you want to talk to him and let him know how you feel, but don’t feel bad if he turns you down.

xo,

kristin nicole

I found this question on Yahoo.com

May 14, 2014
Advice Column: Sex and Weight

Advice Column: Sex and Weight – Image found on Flickr.com

The Question:

Sex and Weight

My guy is physically fit. I’m not. I fear being on top during sex, its not sexy all the fat. Plus I know I will tire easily. Words of thought?

My Response:

Dear On Top;

If your boyfriend is fit and you are not there are two things you need to think about.

Number one – If you are unhappy with your body, start working out. It can be an activity that you can do with your boyfriend and you will feel better about yourself. There is nothing wrong with feeling bad about your body, this is normal especially for women. But you have to realize that your boyfriend is with you for a reason and if he loves your body than you need to start learning how to love it to. With that said, there is also great health benefits to working out and eating healthy so look into making a life change to better your life and your confidence.

Number Two – Be happy with your body and have confidence. Your boyfriend is with you for a reason so he must love the way you look. You don’t have to be on top for the entire time, you can start and roll over to end up on the bottom, or start on the bottom and finish on top. Talk to your boyfriend about how you feel and work things out. Remember having sex is also exercising so look at as killing two birds with one stone.

xo

kristin nicole

I found this question on Yahoo.com

May 12, 2014
Advice Column: I feel sick when I see him

Advice Column: I feel sick when I see him. Image found on Flickr.com

The Question:

I feel sick when I see him, what do I do?

I was friends with my ex 5 years (platonic), together for 2. We have had problems and gone back and forth. He came back and I thought I wanted to try again. I feel sick to my stomach and unhappy when I have to see him. The problem is how do I break up with him? It’ s such a loss.

(Edited)

My Response:

Dear Feeling Sick;

Sometimes our feelings change for the better and sometimes like in your case for the worst. It’s normal for this to happen when a relationship is dead. Don’t feel bad to be honest with him. Breaking up with someone is never easy but it’s better to let him go than to pretend to be happy in a relationship that you are no longer happy in. It’s a clear indication that this needs to be done if you are feeling sick to your stomach when you see him. Tell him how you feel – well I wouldn’t tell him you feel sick when you see him that might be a bit too harsh. But tell him you want to see other people and that this just isn’t working out.

xo

kristin nicole

I found this question on Yahoo.com

May 9, 2014
Advice Column: Is this normal for a guy?

Facebook chat. Image found on Flickr.com

The Question:

Is this normal for a guy?

I have a boyfriend who I’ve been with since 2005, but I’ve been talking to this guy on Facebook for a while now. He’s 30 and I’m 26. He told me that he had a girlfriend and I found her profile on Facebook. I think they are having some problems, he talks to me everyday all day. He even flirts with me sometimes but based on the things I’ve seen on her timeline, I think he’s the player/cheater type. I don’t think they are together anymore and he’s just lying to me about being with her for whatever reason. He stalks me a lot on Facebook and messages me all the time. It seems like he has really had a hard life and he told me that he wanted to be friends with me. Some of the things he says comes off as flirty. He asked me if I have ever heard of a forehead kiss. Saying it’s so relaxing he said; “If a man pulls a woman towards him and he looks her in her eyes, grab her waist, then bite his lip wanting her and if she doesn’t stop him from kissing her after a hug then hey.” He said that he wanted to be friends with me. I’d like to be friends with him too but I don’t know if I can trust him. I do not want to get involved with him physically at all meaning I do not want to sleep with him. I really want to be friends with him but I don’t want him to take advantage of me. Like I want to be there for him and try to be there for him. Am I stupid for feeling this way? I know he’s a player that’s why I don’t want to be his girlfriend I only want to be friends and nothing more.

(Edited)

My Response:

Dear Chatter;

I’m a bit confused on how you start your question… You have a boyfriend that you have been with since 2005, but you are talking to this guy on Facebook who has a girlfriend? Did I miss anything? First off, if you are emotionally cheating on your boyfriend don’t you think you need to figure out your situation before moving onto a relationship with anyone? It’s okay to have guy friends but looking for someone to talk to when you are already in a relationship is a bit odd. Second if the guy you are talking to has a girlfriend then move on, why are you wasting your time with a guy that is already taken? If he truly wasn’t happy with his girlfriend he would break up with her and try to be with you, but that’s not the case. You say you don’t want anything physical with this guy that you only want to be friends, but the truth is, if he’s flirting with you then more than likely he wants to be more than just friends. I say figure out your relationship first and move on from this guy.

xo,

kristin nicole

I found this question on Yahoo.com

May 7, 2014
Advice Column: Proposed with old ring

Old ring. Image found on Flickr.com

The Question:

I told my almost fiancé – boyfriend what engagement ring I wanted and he said he couldn’t afford it, I thought he was joking but yesterday he tried to propose to me with his great grandmother’s engagement ring and I lost my temper and told him that it needed to be a new ring, and “not someone else’s used junk.” I thought he did it just to annoy me so I declined the proposal and ruined the ring, but when I found out who’s ring it was I felt kind of bad, he cried and now I think I hurt his feelings. What can I do? Now his mom said it was a tradition and now I don’t know what to do. I think he wants to break up with me now. He has hurt me by doing this to me. Help.

(Edited)

My Response:

Dear Almost Doesn’t Count;

I am seriously no longer wondering why guys become a**holes. If a man is telling you he can’t afford something, it is more than likely that he is telling the truth. If you really wanted to marry the guy and you were truly in love with him it wouldn’t matter if he gave you a ring at all. It’s also very romantic that he would want you to use his great grandmother’s ring and in the future you could have always changed the diamond. Of course his feelings are hurt and honestly I wouldn’t blame him if he did break up with you. Would you want to marry someone who turned your proposal down, and not only turned it down but got upset because the ring you were proposing with wasn’t new? It sounds petty and selfish and childish. If you really love him and you want to fix things, then you truly need to think about your actions and truly apologize and mean it when you say it. Good luck.

xo,

kristin nicole

I found this question on Yahoo.com

May 5, 2014
Advice Column: I love rough sex but I don’t know why

Rough Sex. Image found on Flickr.com

The Question:

I love rough sex but I don’t know why. I just love it so much! Shoving up against walls, pulling hair, biting, kissing, spanking mmmm.. I love it so much but I have no idea why. The stinging (pain) gets me even more excited. I just don’t get it, my boyfriend complies but doesn’t get it either. Any women out there who love it too?

(Edited)

My Response:

Dear Rough Sex;

There really isn’t anything to get. Some women and men like it more rough than others and some don’t like it at all. This doesn’t mean there is anything wrong, it’s just how you like it and it’s what turns you on. If your boyfriend is willing to comply and he doesn’t mind having rough sex with you then I wouldn’t worry so much about how you feel and enjoy it.

xo,

kristin nicole

Question found on Yahoo.com

April 30, 2014