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Tag: religion

  • His Religious Parents Don’t approve & I feel Guilty he left home for me…

    The Question:

    Dear Kristin Nicole;

    I am in desperate need of help. I have been in a relationship for few years now. We are both 24, and want to get engaged. In our culture we have to have our parents permission to get engaged and for the engagement ceremony the parents sit down and decide a date etc. His parents had no reason to say no to this relationship (I am as educated as he is, I earn as much as he does, we are from the same culture, same religion, same caste, same well educated family background, as good looking as he is, loves him as much he does me). His parents first made some excuses but then allowed us to date, but when it started getting serious they have been stubborn and blackmailing him (by saying they will die if he moves out and gets married to me) beating him up (I AM SERIOUS. they are beating up a 24 year old guy). They lock him up in the room just so that he cant come see me… torturing him by saying things like the will kill themselves if he gets married to me, that he has forgotten their 24 years of raising him, for one girl etc. His parents even called my parents and abused them and asked them for me to loose contact with him. TALKING and asking for reasons doesn’t work, all they have to say is “we feel that if you guys get married it will end up in a divorce”. His parents haven’t even met me yet and they said no because they feel he loves me so much and I will take advantage of it in future.

    He loves me a lot and he has been going through all this suffering just to get a YES from his parents. (because he doesn’t want his parents to blame me for snatching away their child in future) now he has finally decided to move out after 3 months of painful suffering just because of me. I don’t know why I feel guilty for his separation from his parents! I feel if I never came to his life he wouldn’t have gone through all this **** and crap! Am I doing the wrong thing by wanting to spend my life with him and by making him move out of his house?

    What is the best solution in this situation? I NEED HELP. I have been under severe depression and stress and frustration and I cant take it anymore. I NEED TO KNOW IF THERE IS ANY OTHER SOLUTION???
    Waiting for your reply…

    ~guilty

    My Response:

    Dear Guilty;

    It seems to me that no matter what woman your boyfriend was going to take home, they weren’t going to be good enough for his family. If they haven’t even met you yet, they have no right to judge. I understand that in these types of religions that the parents have a little more control over the situation. (I am not sure what religion you are and the extent of the situation). However, no parent, I don’t care what religion you are, has the right to abuse a child. Locking him up in his room is abuse and that is not to be taken lightly. Your boyfriend is no longer a child but a 24 year old man, and if he chooses to move out of his home, it is his right and his decision. I understand that he moved out to be with you, but you cannot blame yourself for the situation that stands between his parents and himself. His parents obviously have some issues they need to attend to, and your boyfriend needs to stand up and talk to them, explain to them that you both don’t want them to not be in your lives but that they need to understand that he loves you and all the both of you want is for them to give you their blessing and accept you into their family. I know it’s easier said than done, but maybe you need to go together to speak to his parents. Talk to your boyfriend first and explain to him how you feel, I am sure he does not blame you for leaving his house, this was his decision and he is a grown man. Communication is key in any relationship, you can’t hold in what you are feeling, you need to talk to your boyfriend and try to see what you can do together to make this relationship work. Don’t feel guilty, you have done nothing wrong but love your boyfriend….

    Good luck

    xo,
    kristin nicole

    If you need more advice don’t hesitate to email me.

  • They want to marry me off but I’m already in love…

    The Question:

    Dear Kristin Nicole;

    I’m in a relationship with my boyfriend for the past 5 years and we decided that we want to get married. My mother knows everything about him and kept saying that I needed to leave him because my dad would never approve of him. (I am from Delhi) I never listened to my mother and I stayed with my boyfriend. I met his family and they all accepted me, then one day my parents told me that they wanted to marry me off. My mom told my dad everything about my relationship and how long I had been with him, and now he is so angry that he doesn’t want to see me, they do not agree with my relationship and say it’s an affair, he is not good enough due to making less money then they do. They want me to leave him but I can’t live without him and I do not want to marry any other man. They said if I want to marry him that I can, but I would have to leave the house and have no relationship with them ever again. My boyfriend wants to just leave and get married and take me away from my family but he doesn’t understand that I cannot just get up and leave them, they are my family, they are the only thing I’ve ever known. My family will be in great pain if I just leave them. I am caught in between and I don’t know who to choose.
    I’m really depressed about this because I can’t bare to live without my boyfriend. Please tell me what to do?

    I also want to mention one more thing here that our kundlis do not match and he belongs to a different caste; and the big problem I am facing is that I can’t run from home thinking that my parents have done a lot for me until now and if I run, how will they face the world? They will die with this act of mine, so I can’t leave my parents just like that; but my boyfriend is forcing me to run from home. I am not able to understand that; how should I handle both sides? I am really trapped in between my parents and my boyfriend. Please try helping me out.

    ~In Between

    My Response:

    Dear In Between;

    To my understanding you are in love with a man that your parents don’t approve of due to him not making enough money (that meets their standards), Religion (because you stated they wanted to marry you off to someone else) and they want you to marry a man you don’t love? You have to choose between your family or your boyfriend who you want to marry? You have been with him for 5 years but your father never knew about it? This is and was your first mistake. I understand that in your religion or culture that it is very different, but communication and honesty is key. You have a big decision to make and unfortunately I can not tell you what to do. You need sit down with your father and mother, explain to them that love to you is so much more important and that you love this man, you want to spend the rest of your life with him but that you do not want to loose your families respect nor their love or relationship with you. Your happiness means a lot and your happiness should mean a lot to them as well. I know that it is very difficult because your father is probably very stubborn and very true to his religion/culture and what you are doing is probably an embarrassment of some sort or disrespect. Unfortunately we cannot help who we fall in love with.

    If you talk to your parents and they are still making you choose then you have to make a decision. Also talk to your boyfriend, explain to him that this is not an easy decision, although you love him and want to spend your life with him, you can not just run away with him and leave your family behind to never reunite with them. You need time to talk to your family first; and to make a decision. Maybe your father will agree to a meeting with your boyfriend so that he can meet him and his family. You said that your kundlis do not match? and you belong to different caste? Is this a religion or this is a horoscope (I am confused)? You may not be able to convince either party to compromise, and this is when you will be faced with one of the hardest decisions in your life. Do you choose LOVE, or do you choose Family. Family will always be there for you, they will always love you even if they are making you choose love over family and they are your family. Love, love sometimes only truly comes around once, and sometimes we have to really think; can we give up everything for the one person we love? Can we give up what we have known all our lives because of love? Love comes and goes sometimes and although sometimes we feel there is only that one true love, love comes in many ways and forms and there is always love out there. This is something you have to decide, but take your time and try talking to your family and your boyfriend again before making such a hard choice.

    Good luck.

    xo,
    kristin nicole