Advice Column: Cheated on my girlfriend. Image found on Flickr.com
Advice Column: Cheated on my girlfriend and now I need help.
My girlfriend and I haven’t even been together for a month and I did something stupid. I wasn’t drunk or anything, it just happened and now I need help. I don’t want to lose her.
(Edited)
My Response:
Dear Cheater;
You have put yourself in a hard position. (No pun intended). You have choices in life; one you can tell her the truth. Be honest and hope that she forgives you. Know this is highly unlikely. If you really cared about your new girlfriend you wouldn’t have cheated on her. I don’t know how bad the circumstances are but cheating is cheating in any form you put it and it’s completely wrong. I’m guessing you already know this since you are asking for advice. There is no way to truly help you in this situation, you either tell her the truth and hope she forgives you, or you hide it from her in hopes she doesn’t find out. The problem with hiding the truth is that the truth always seems to find it’s way out. Good luck.
Advice Column: What do I do if I want to sleep with another man? Image found on Flickr.com
Advice Column: What do I do if I want to sleep with another man?Okay. This is kind of a long story, so please forgive me.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year. I love him very much, but I find myself thinking about another man. My boyfriend is a quadriplegic and I met him after his accident. Although this certainly has nothing to do with how I feel about him, it does make our sex life a bit complicated.
I feel terrible because I find myself being exhausted from always having to be on top when we do have sex and also feeling unfulfilled because we rarely have sex as it’s such a complicated process.
My boyfriend hasn’t told me he loves me yet and it definitely plays into my wandering eye problem. I feel like I continuously do the “man” like things in our relationship and I know it makes him feel as awful as it does me.
It’s so sad because had I known him before I KNOW our sex life would’ve been phenomenal. We have good sex now even though we can’t do everything a normal couple could.
I think the problem is I am just feeling the need to be manhandled and don’t know how to control these urges. Anyway, any advice would be great. No negative advice please. Thanks. 🙂My Response:Dear wondering eye; It’s normal to feel the way you feel when you are in an uncommon situation. First off, talk to your boyfriend. Tell him how you feel. I am not sure the extent of his condition, but is there a way you can have sex from the side position, just to switch things up? Try buying some toys to spice it up, this can help too. As far as being man-handled, this is a bit tough. If he’s not able to be rough with you at all then this is something you may have to deal with. Talk to him, see what he can do and can’t do. Just because he can’t throw you on the bed and be on top, doesn’t mean he can’t “man handle” you. If this is seriously causing problems in your relationship then you need to sit down and really think about what you want from this relationship. Don’t stay with him out of guilt, or because you feel bad for him. Look at the different options your life will lead if you stay or if you go. If you truly love him, communicate your feelings and find ways to make it work. Good luck. xo, kristin nicole I found this question on Yahoo.com
Advice Column: Sex and Weight – Image found on Flickr.com
The Question:
Sex and Weight
My guy is physically fit. I’m not. I fear being on top during sex, its not sexy all the fat. Plus I know I will tire easily. Words of thought?
My Response:
Dear On Top;
If your boyfriend is fit and you are not there are two things you need to think about.
Number one – If you are unhappy with your body, start working out. It can be an activity that you can do with your boyfriend and you will feel better about yourself. There is nothing wrong with feeling bad about your body, this is normal especially for women. But you have to realize that your boyfriend is with you for a reason and if he loves your body than you need to start learning how to love it to. With that said, there is also great health benefits to working out and eating healthy so look into making a life change to better your life and your confidence.
Number Two – Be happy with your body and have confidence. Your boyfriend is with you for a reason so he must love the way you look. You don’t have to be on top for the entire time, you can start and roll over to end up on the bottom, or start on the bottom and finish on top. Talk to your boyfriend about how you feel and work things out. Remember having sex is also exercising so look at as killing two birds with one stone.
I told my almost fiancé – boyfriend what engagement ring I wanted and he said he couldn’t afford it, I thought he was joking but yesterday he tried to propose to me with his great grandmother’s engagement ring and I lost my temper and told him that it needed to be a new ring, and “not someone else’s used junk.” I thought he did it just to annoy me so I declined the proposal and ruined the ring, but when I found out who’s ring it was I felt kind of bad, he cried and now I think I hurt his feelings. What can I do? Now his mom said it was a tradition and now I don’t know what to do. I think he wants to break up with me now. He has hurt me by doing this to me. Help.
(Edited)
My Response:
Dear Almost Doesn’t Count;
I am seriously no longer wondering why guys become a**holes. If a man is telling you he can’t afford something, it is more than likely that he is telling the truth. If you really wanted to marry the guy and you were truly in love with him it wouldn’t matter if he gave you a ring at all. It’s also very romantic that he would want you to use his great grandmother’s ring and in the future you could have always changed the diamond. Of course his feelings are hurt and honestly I wouldn’t blame him if he did break up with you. Would you want to marry someone who turned your proposal down, and not only turned it down but got upset because the ring you were proposing with wasn’t new? It sounds petty and selfish and childish. If you really love him and you want to fix things, then you truly need to think about your actions and truly apologize and mean it when you say it. Good luck.
I love rough sex but I don’t know why. I just love it so much! Shoving up against walls, pulling hair, biting, kissing, spanking mmmm.. I love it so much but I have no idea why. The stinging (pain) gets me even more excited. I just don’t get it, my boyfriend complies but doesn’t get it either. Any women out there who love it too?
(Edited)
My Response:
Dear Rough Sex;
There really isn’t anything to get. Some women and men like it more rough than others and some don’t like it at all. This doesn’t mean there is anything wrong, it’s just how you like it and it’s what turns you on. If your boyfriend is willing to comply and he doesn’t mind having rough sex with you then I wouldn’t worry so much about how you feel and enjoy it.
Let's Talk About Sex – image by: google.com/images
Today we have discovered that sex is not just a commitment or a unity you have between you and your partner but something most of us do just for the pleasure of it, or for fun, or even just to fit in. Sex has become a big part in today’s society, and we need to sit down with our children, talk about sex, talk about our bodies, and talk about the consequences that come with having sexual intercourse at such a young age. The subject of sex tends to scare off not only the parents of the teenagers, but the teenagers themselves. It is very important to keep communication open with your teenagers so that when they are faced with the issues of teen sex they feel they can come and talk to you about it. It is better for our teenagers to be able to talk to us about it then to get pregnant or catch a disease. “In 2009, 46% of high school students had sexual intercourse and 13.8% had four or more sex partners during their life. Prior to the sexual activity, 21.6% drank alcohol or used drugs and only 38.9% used a condom”.
The Guttmacher Institute reports that the United States has the highest levels of teen pregnancy among developed nations. About 75% percent of teenagers have sexual intercourse before they turn 20, and only 15% report that they are still virgins until the age of 21. The Institute reports that teenagers before the age of 15 are having sexual intercourse and are reported to have more than one partner in a year. As a young child we tend to learn to express our affections and sensual feelings through activities such as kissing and hugging. These actions can have a strong influence on “the manner in which he or she expresses sexuality in later years”. (Crooks, 2010).
Growing up my parents never really spoke about sexuality or anything of the sort. It was understood that this was an awkward subject to touch on. When I was young, I had to help take care of my sister, I was 11 when she was born, and this in time became my birth control. I saw, and I experienced how hard it was to have to take care of a child, and I only had to help take care of her, I did not need to wake up in the early mornings with her or late at night, and yet this was a constant reminder to always be protected when the time would come. My older brother did have the talk about sex and not only with my dad but with my mom as well. She spoke to him about the consequences of getting a young girl pregnant and the transmitted diseases you can get with having unprotected sex. My brother was given condoms and had the “sex” conversation. I on the other hand had to learn about my body changing and sexual intercourse through books, and through friends, and through school.
The media shows us that sex is natural, that being sexual and being sexy are things of the world. We look at this and we find that young teens want to look like models; young boys want to be strong and fit. We do not look behind the camera and we do not show our children that behind the scenes most of these people are just like you and me, that being you is okay and discovering your body when you are ready is a life time of experiences. I took a sexual education class in my sophomore year in high school, I live in Texas and it was a requirement, we learned a lot about our bodies, how to treat ourselves with how society portrays us. We learned how to eat healthy and not become anorexic or eat too much and become obese because of depression. Understanding our bodies was important, and then we learned about sexual intercourse, the consequences of teen pregnancy and the actions you might have to face if discovering you had unprotected sex and now carry a disease that may or may not kill you.
“Masturbation is one of the most common and natural forms of sexual expression during the childhood years”. (Crooks, 2010). This is true and yet as a young child learning about your body, this is why it is so important that as parents you speak to your children. As a young teenager, growing into puberty and learning about their bodies, they sometimes do not understand what is going on with their bodies, the sensations they feel, the excitement and when they discover masturbation, they may not know if it is okay to do it or not. HIV/Aids era has showed us that using protection when having sexual relations with a partner is very important. Although we learn that not only sexual intercourse is the reason behind these diseases “behaviors that put young people at risk for HIV infection include engaging in intercourse without condoms; using alcohol, cocaine, and other drugs that impair judgment, reduce impulse control, and thus increase the likelihood of hazardous sexual activity”. (Crooks, 2010). Teenagers aged 13-24 make up around 17% of those who received diagnosis of HIV/AIDS in 2008. Many teenagers do not understand the consequences that derive in acting as an adult, and that is why it is important that we talk to our teens at a young age.
Sexuality and sexual issues never derived in my family. Double standard as Crooks also talks about is true. As a girl, sexual talk or conduct of any sort was unacceptable, and we did not talk about it. For my brother, they were proud he used his condoms and they not only discussed sexual activities with him but they also gave him condoms to protect himself. I was told that I better not come home pregnant; this defense mechanism parents use because they are scared to talk about sexual acts with their children is what scare children off. I know a lot of girls who got abortions because they felt they could not come home and tell their parents they were pregnant, they did not have time to think, they did not have the choice to make of whether or not they wanted to keep the child and they did not use protection because it was never frowned upon to ever talk about in the household. Lucky for me, I had my baby sister to keep me sane, or should I say scared out of mind that I didn’t want the chance to get pregnant, because I knew from an early age that using protection was the key to healthy and sexual relationship in the future.
References
Crooks, R. (2010). Our Sexuality: Cengage Learning
Guttmacher Institute (1996-2011). From http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/FB-ATSRH.html
SADD Statistics, (2011). from http://www.sadd.org/stats.htm
My boyfriend that I am with now is a virgin, I didn’t know this when we first started dating, because he seems so confident, I had assumed he wasn’t a virgin. He is 23 years old and I am 21, I have had more than one partner in my life and I am wondering if I am going to enjoy having sex with my boyfriend. I want someone who is going to know what to do, not someone I have to tell what to do. Is it wrong of me to think this way? Should I break up with him, or should I take his virginity?
~ Boyfriends a Virgin
My Response:
Dear Boyfriends a Virgin;
You shouldn’t break up with your boyfriend just because he is a virgin, you obviously liked him enough to become his girlfriend. It may not be the same as the other men you have been with, but he might just surprise you. Try taking the dominant role and perhaps showing him exactly what you like will win over the rest in the end. Sometimes you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, but one that doesn’t know any better might be worth a little work. Have you tried doing other stuff with him? Perhaps having a little fun beforehand can loosen up the mood. If you really feel like you do not want to be with him, make sure before taking his virginity, although I’m sure he wouldn’t mind. Good luck
I knew someone for a short time , but I’m into him as well as he is into me. I like him so much but I’m a very religious person and I asked him if he has had sex before, he said yes, and this is a big issue for me and I don’t like it.
I respect the fact that he was very honest with me and that he started to get close to my religion in the short time we have known each other, but I’m afraid for the following issues:
First, he was having sex not making love, by this I mean he was not in a relationship, he just had sex with those girls, without actually loving them. He did it with these girls, girls that will just have sex with any man, and I don’t like this mentality. I can’t accept it easily!
Second, I’m afraid that I’ve never done it before, so I may not be as good as those girls he slept with before. He might miss these previous relationships after our marriage.
The third issue, is that my breast are very small, he may not like it and as you know I will not make love to him before we get married. (This is according to my religion). So I’m afraid that he won’t like it.
What do you think about these issues? I’ll speak to him about it but I need your opinion first .. & .. thank you in advance Kristin
(Revised by: Kristin Nicole)
~ Marriage before Sex
My Response:
Dear Marriage before Sex;
I understand that in your religion you have to wait to be married before having sex, if you are thinking of being with someone that does not have those same beliefs you need to accept their past. Just because he slept with other women before you does not mean that he will think differently of you. You need to be happy with who you are and what you have, don’t worry about having small breast or the fact that you have not had sex. If he is with you then he already finds you attractive. You do need to make sure that he understands your beliefs and that you are not going to have sex with him unless you are married. If he is okay with that and really cares for you then the rest will go from there. You can not judge someone for their actions and their beliefs because they are different than yours, if he is a good man and he treats you right, then you need to leave his past in the past. If you feel that you cannot get over the fact that he has slept with other women then you need to really think about being with him, because you do not want to hold that against him. It is very natural now a days for a man and a woman to have sex and not make love, it doesn’t make it right or wrong but it happens. You have to look past that if you want to have a relationship with him, and he will need to respect you for your beliefs as well. Remember to always love yourself, don’t feel insecure about your body, we are born with what we have for a reason and the person we are with will love us for who we are and how we look.
Do you think it is overrated to save your virginity until marriage?
Ii just want some honest input, if you’re not mature enough to answer than don’t. Since I’m asking for your input I guess I can give you mine. “I am 19 years old and in college and a virgin. I’m wondering if its just a silly pipe dream that I will find a girl who has the same morals as I do? It is not easy keeping it and honestly I kind of forget why I am sometimes. Any thoughts?
My Response:
Dear Wanting to wait;
I do not think it is overrated and I do think it is sweet, and it is hard very hard. Now a day’s a lot of girls and a lot of guys do not wait for marriage, but if this is something you truly believe in then I think you should stick with it. Perhaps join a church group, you might be able to find a girl that is still “pure” there rather than frat parties in college 😉 You might also find other guys that have the same morals as you do and it may make it easier to hang out with them then other 19 year old guys who are only looking to party and have sex. You are still young and you still have time to decide, but do not let others tell you that it is overrated or that you shouldn’t wait until marriage. If this is how you feel, I say go for it. Good luck.
Well the other night, I came home from school and I saw my mom with a girl. She was pretty, and then they were on a bed together. My mom was shocked and told me to get out of the room, then the next morning, the girl that was with my mom left, and i saw my mom kiss her. Ii don’t know what to do. Please help…
My response:
Dear confused;
I can’t say for sure if your mother is a lesbian, but this is something very personal and something you need to sit down with your mom and talk about. How old are you? Perhaps she feels you can’t take the news, but if she doesn’t want to talk about it with you, she shouldn’t have other women sleeping over and kissing her where you can obviously catch her doing so. It is more then likely that perhaps your mom is going through a change, I’m not sure the situation, like if she just recently divorced your dad, if your dad has been in the picture at all? Questions that could determine what she may be going through. Either way, I say talk to her, confront your mom and see what she says. Good luck!
