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Advice Column: 14 and Depressed

Advice Column: 14 and Depressed. Image found on flickr.com

The Question: 14 and Depressed….

I have always been a grumpy, moody child. There was 6 months between age 12 and 13 when I was especially miserable and lonely, and I cut myself and I’ve never been good at communicating my feelings, so the rare times I did try to tell my friends that I was sad, it was awkward and one of them just basically brushed it off. She’s the kind of person thats always happy and doesn’t notice when others are sad, annoyed, or anything but happy.

It kind of went away and I made new friends and became more confident. I don’t know how it just happened, but now its coming back again, definitely not as bad, but its still there. Around two months ago I started noticing that horrible feeling of loneliness again and it becomes really strong at times, usually when I’m alone, but I can only hang out with people at school, since none of them live near me or show interest.

I don’t ever remember feeling close to any of my friends. Before 12 it was fine, all we did was play and laugh, but in high school I stopped seeing them and even though I went to the same school as my best friend, we grew apart and I realized we were not best friends, because she never talks to me about ANYTHING and she hasn’t accepted my Facebook request I sent her three years ago, even though a few days ago she accepted from a girl we don’t even talk to anymore.

I don’t know… I just feel disconnected from everything.I feel numb, and I want to go to a therapist but I don’t know how since I am only 14? Please help me out.

(Edited)

My Response:

First off, it’s great that you notice that you are not happy. That’s the first step in wanting to get better. Second, if you want to talk to a professional, you can always start with your counselor at school. Let them know how you are feeling and let them help you.

Talk to your parents, you will be surprised at how they may understand what you are going through, and even if they don’t, I am sure they want only what is best for you. Have them take you to a therapist if that is what you want.

Depression is a big problem in our world, don’t feel alone in how you feel. With that said, you have to try and think positive whenever you feel yourself getting down. You have friends and don’t stress about the ones not accepting you on Facebook. If you have unresolved feelings as to why your friendship ended with your ex-best friend then send her a message or call her. Try talking to her, maybe something happened that you don’t know about. Maybe she just changed, and if that’s the case, she was never your friend to begin with. I have learned that sometimes in life we make friends and we lose them. It’s sad, and it’s okay to feel sad about it, but we move forward and we find other people in our lives who are better for us. Don’t give up on happiness, you are still young but don’t hold it all in. Talk to someone, that’s the first step in figuring out why you feel the way you do.

Try participating in a group, whether at school or at your local church, if you go to one. Sometimes becoming part of a group will help you get out there more and be more social.

xo

kristin nicole

I found this question on Yahoo.com

August 27, 2014
Advice Column: I like my brother’s best friend

Advice Column: I like my brother’s best friend. Image found on flickr.com

Advice Column: I like my brother’s best friend. We flirt sometimes, but I don’t know if he really likes me, what should I do?

My friends brother is a year older than me and I started being interested in him. I started hanging out with his friends a lot more often and I see him a lot. He always smiles at me and teases me and will flirt with me. And tonight his friend stole my phone and to his friend [sic] I was like “omg I’m gonna kill you!” And then my crush was like “not until I kill you first” and he said it really sexually and was really close to me. I really like him. I don’t know if he likes me because when we were playing truth or dare, my friend asked him if he liked me and he said “Yeah sure.. I like a lot of people” and I was like what…? Does he like me, please help?

(Edited)

My Response:

Dear Brother’s Sister;

Going after your brother’s best friend can have consequences. You can ruin your brothers friendship if something were to happen, your brother may not approve or it can work out all for the best. If you really like him and you are sure he’s been flirting back, then just ask him. But make sure you are ready for either answer. He may just be nice to you, and like you as his best friend’s sister. So be prepared if it’s not the answer you really want.

xo

kristin nicole

I found this question on Yahoo.com

August 13, 2014
Advice Column: I want to leave my Mom’s to live with my Dad

Advice Column: I want to leave my mom’s to live with my dad. Image by flickr.com

The Question: I want to leave my Mom’s to live with my Dad, how can I do this?

I am 16 years old and was forcefully moved from my home with my dad about 2 years ago by my mom. She decided she wanted me to be with her and thus acted upon it. Since my dad is not excessively well-off, he couldn’t hire a lawyer, so I simply ended up staying with my mom. Try as I might, I cant adjust to my new school, make new friends, or genuinely be happy. My parents live on opposite sides of the country, and I have considered leaving (running away, if you will) to where my dad is. I ultimately want to know, if I get there, will I legally be able to decide that’s where I will live?

~ Running Away

My Response:

Dear Running Away;

You can try to go talk to a lawyer that may do a pro bono job, (which means he will take your case for free). Or at least maybe give you some free legal advice. I do not know where you live and I am not a lawyer so I cannot give you advice as to what you can do, or what will happen if you try to run away to another country. More than likely they will just send you back home. If you want to live with your dad, you have to do it the right way.

Have you tried talking to your mom, now that you are older? Have you tried reaching out to your dad? You are old enough to make that choice, and I would try talking to them first. If that doesn’t work you can always try talking to a lawyer or the courts and see what they tell you. It’s hard being a parent, just remember that your mom really loves you and probably only wants the best for you. I don’t know your parent’s situation so maybe your dad just couldn’t support you. It’s hard to understand when you are young, but be open and talk to them about how you feel. Maybe you will be surprised as to what they tell you.

xo,

kristin nicole

I found this question on Yahoo.com

July 14, 2014
Advice Column: He’s flirting with me and my friend

Advice Column: He’s flirting with me and my friend. Image found on flickr.com

The Question:

Is he basically lying to me? Does he even like me?

This guy I like has been showing signs that he likes me and things were really going well. I went out for a walk the other day and we bumped into each other. I asked him if he wanted to come with me on this walk. Everything was really nice and we were really flirting. Next minute my friend rings saying she’s allowed to come over, so I tell her to meet me.

My friend turns up and this guy instantly starts looking her up and down but is still in deep conversation with me. He then starts making jokes about her having sex and that she’s always doing it. I then start talking about something serious and he interrupts by walking past me and picking my mate up on his shoulder. He keeps touching her arm and messing with her hood in front of me like I’m not there. He then start adding her on Facebook and flirting with her. We walk to his house and when we get in he tells me to sit on the other side while they sit together, but as soon as she goes home he’s asking me to message him.

He called me today and I said I’m not going out again and he was like ‘why not? I’ll have to drag you out!’ What is it with him and why is he leading me on and then clearly flirting with my friend?

Please help

My Response:

Dear Confused;

He is obviously trying to have his cake and it too (sorry for the metaphor) but it fits perfectly with your situation. It sounds like you need to talk to your friend first. Does she know you like this guy? If she does then it’s wrong that she would be flirting with him right in front of you instead of trying to help you out. If this guy really liked you then he wouldn’t be flirting with your friend right in front of you. I say move on and find a guy who is really into you and not trying to mess with your head. It sounds like he’s trying to hook up with your friend and then hook up with you while your friend is away. If he really liked you he would have already asked you out. This doesn’t seem to be the case, so move on and find a real man.

xo,

kristin nicole

I found this question on Yahoo.com

May 16, 2014
Advice Column: I don’t think I love my girlfriend anymore

Advice Column: I don’t think I love my girlfriend anymore – Photo found on google.com/images

The Question:

We’ve known each other for nearly 6 years now and have been together for 2 of them. We pretty much live together as it is between her place and mine. Before we were going out I always wanted to be with her and I felt so strongly about her and loved her so much when we got together. But in the past few months I don’t feel like I love her anymore. I don’t want to be around her or talk to her.

I understand that when your with someone for a long time you get your down time for a while but I’ve had these thoughts before. The longer we’ve been together the more I don’t want to be with her. The only thing is we’re 16/17 and I’m her second boyfriend, and I helped her through her first break up and I don’t want to hurt her the way her ex did. I just feel like sh*t when I’m with her. We were so much better when we were just friends. Anyway, please can someone help me out? I don’t want to hurt her but I don’t want to be with her anymore and I feel so much sh*tter [sic] when she mentions marriage and how her parents and family think we’ll get married cause I’m so good for her. HELP!

My Response:

Dear Young Love;

Telling her the truth and not leading her on will be the first step. She will get hurt regardless because she loves you but in the end she will realize that you telling her the truth about how you feel is better then living a lie. You are super young, you guys are only 16/17 and you both have so much more dating left to do. I do not understand how her parents can possibly think marriage at your age, but don’t worry so much about everyone else and what they think, worry about how you feel. You do not want to pretend to be happy in a relationship and you do not want to lead her on into thinking that one day you will get married when you know deep down that will never happen. It’s hard and you are going to have to sit down with her and tell her how you feel. In the end even if she doesn’t see what a great guy you are by telling her the truth now, eventually she will. Don’t ever settle for someone just because you do not want to hurt their feelings. Relationships are hard and when one person wants to end it there is always one person who’s feelings will get hurt, but it’s better you do it now then later down the road. Staying with her longer and then telling her you don’t want to be with her will only hurt her more. Communication is key to any relationship and I think you will be a great boyfriend to another girl one day, but you have to think about you and you have to think about her. It’s not fair for her to keep believing you love her when you don’t. Tell her how you feel, and although it won’t be easy, you can finally move on and start dating other girls. Live your life, you are still young and have so much more experiences to live for. Good luck.

xo,
kristin nicole

I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

(2011)

January 23, 2014