The Question:
I’ve dated guys before, but never had anything sexually with them bc I didn’t think I was ready or they were the right guy for me. I got married being a virgin, but my husband had slept with lots of girls before me (18) and I use to have trust issues ((sometimes i still do)) And one day when I talked to him about it and asked why did he have so many girls? he said because that’s college? So I said that that wasn’t true because I’m in college too and I don’t do that. Anywho sometimes he says that he wishes I would’ve have sex before him?? because no one wants to be with a virgin girl? so in other words he doesn’t appreciate what I gave him. I still feel bad about it and don’t know what to do. Is it wrong to be a virgin? or not having had sex with lots of people before?
My Response:
Dear Virgin;
I’m going to start off with what your husband told you “because no one wants to be with a virgin girl? ” He married a virgin, so what does he mean by “no one”, and this is not true. There are many people out there still that respect someone holding off until they find the right person. Now a days, many people sleep around and contact diseases and much more. When your husband said that he slept around because that is what you do in college and you felt that isn’t true because you are in college and you don’t sleep around, well men are very different from women. Men usually sleep around whether in college or not, it’s a man thing, and there is nothing wrong with it, don’t worry about the past so much and focus on your future with your husband. He is with you for a reason and married you because he loves you. Personally I think it is good for a man to sleep around a bit before finding his future wife because men need to get it out of their system and not feel like they didn’t have fun with other women before settling down. As a women, many women are having multiple sex partners and in today’s society it seems normal, but staying a virgin isn’t necessarily a bad thing if that is what you truly believe in and if that is what you feel comfortable with. I think it’s good to get to know your partner before getting married to make sure that the chemistry is there, but at the same time as a virgin, you really don’t know any other and so the first time is the only experience you are holding on to. I don’t think a women should sleep around like men do, unfortunately there will always be a double standard there, as a man it’s okay but as a women you are seen as a s**t. If you are having insecure feelings over what your husband said then talk to him. Explain to him that what he told you hurt and that you are only feeling insecure because he has slept with a lot of women and you haven’t slept around. Communication is very important in a relationship, and you need to be honest with your feelings. Your husband should be so lucky to have an honest women in his life. Don’t regret ever what you believed in.
xo,
kristin nicole
